Zabuza Becomes a Professional Bully and The Leaf Spins on Haruto

"That fucking sucked." Ringo grumbled in a dirty robe while we watched a crew of clones sorting out the wreckage of her apartment and cordoned the area off. 

"The strongest guy alive attacked us, and we're unharmed." I shrugged with a towel wrapped around my waist and a cigar hanging out of my mouth, "Some shit got destroyed, but even when he got 'serious' we still made it out." 

"How the hell was that jackass the strongest guy alive? And what the hell was with the chanting?" Ringo growled at me, turning her frustration and ire where it only tangentially belongs.

"Mask-bro can keep pace with the fastest shinobi alive, hit like the some of the hardest hitters alive, is tough and intangible, and when he cracks out the ninjutsu he can burn with the best of them, his genjutsu prowess is fucking unparalleled, capable of turning people into his slaves even without The Company backing him up. Asshole really makes me feel like an amateur and I'm the professional." I sighed, feeling the relaxing buzz of the tobacco helping me unclentch my sphincter as I contemplated that bitch ass Obito, guy really has it all by this point, social life notwithstanding obviously, "The only thing keeping that guy from running rampant over everyone is his bitch ass attitude. Dude is subby as they come." 

"Could you dick ride that guy any harder?" Ringo spat and frowned deeply, "For fucks sake, we just fought him and he did jack shit to us." 

"Bitch, we are two of the strongest people in the world, and we couldn't do jack shit to him until he screwed up and got cocky thinking he beat me." I growled back, "And even then I don't know if it was that he was just sloppy, or that my chanting actually managed to throw him that far off." 

"You think that lame ass taunting actually did anything?" Ringo sneered, "It ran just as much a risk of distracting us as him!" 

"Huh, you still haven't read anything on the Device." I frowned, "That level of willful ignorance is why I trust you so much more than all the other zom-bitches." 

"Fuck you!" Ringo cursed. 

"Never change, bitch." I returned. 

Of course, our moment of foul mouthed relational bliss ended with the arrival of the concerned authorities, Yagura running point on investigating the disturbance. 

"Your Uchiha ex stopped by to throw hands." I informed the new arrival and tapped off some ashes. 

Yagura's gait halted and she physically choked, striking her chest and coughing up whatever phlegm blocked her airway. 

"He was here?" she rasped out after catching her breath. 

"Do I need to repeat myself?" I frowned down at the midget kage. 

Actually, I shouldn't call her that. Onoki exists… or is he the dwarf kage? One of life's great mysteries. Ringo gave Yagura the fight breakdown while I contemplated the lives of little people and enjoyed my smoke. Hiruzen, like always, is right about smoking. Shits bad for you, but it helps. By the end of Ringo's narration I just needed to add a few details on my end.

"So your inculcation talent works on rogues?" Yagura sought confirmation. 

"So long as they're from Kiri." I shrugged, tired of repeating myself to all these forgetful hoes. 

"The Uchiha is from Konoha." Yagura looked at me like I'm an idiot.

I blew a smoke ring at her head and explained, "He was a chunin from Konoha as a kid, but the guy was the Mizukage for over a decade." 

"Not officially." Yagura growled. 

"Don't feel too bad about it, bitch." I smirked, "His mentor was up the Third's ass too. Pretty much all our executive leadership since Gengetsu died has been dictated by Uchiha Mizukages from the shadows. You were just the next link in the chain I broke." 

"Damn it!" Yagura spat, looking away from me in shame.

"Anyways, Obito might try again, but I don't think he will." I forecasted, "Guy is too willing to go to ground and wait things out." 

I held a hand up to Yagura to forestall her as a new Mission alert came up on my HUD, and upon inspection I couldn't help but smile. The hate on Obito is real. Standard Mission: Bully Obito. I accepted and recieved 10 Points for my prior completion of the first objective, chant insults at a wild evil Obito Uchiha in your first encounter. Looking at the bonus objectives, it's like someone out there is rewarding me for being myself. It's basically free real estate.

"Hehehe!" I cackled, relishing in my Uchiha hate finally receiving the acceptance and love it always deserved, "Wonderful!" I declared with the widest smile possible. 

"The fuck's so funny?" Ringo snarled as she stood over the wreckage of her former home. 

I simply materialized the Company Device and showed her. 

"You've gotta be shitting me!" Ringo declared then started cackling like a witch. 

Yagura took the device from her and tsked, "So petty." 

"Yags, lets get that next objective cleared in our next edition of the Bingo Book. I should read a little something like this:" I dictated.

"BOUNTY: Some Loser

REWARD: 10 Ryo

DESCRIPTION:

-Has a weird looking mask

-Looks like the kind of guy that falls in love with his child hood friend, but gets cucked by his hip and cool teammate

-Unconfirmed but highly suspected to be ugly 

-Confirmed stupid

COMBAT ABILITIES

-Sucks

-Shit at fighting

-Wrong predictions

-Slow reactions

-Bad coordination

-Atrocious chakra control

If found report to Lord Fifth so he can get back to bullying this loser virgin nerd."

"You get all that?" I asked of the midget kage who looked at me with heat in those pink eyes. 

"I got it all." Yagura purred. 

"Good. Feel free to expand it how you see fit, really eviscerate the guy in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a fight, he will be naked for eternity." I grinned and Yagura returned the smile. 

That smile she does whenever she's about to hurt someone's feelings. Or body. 

-Meanwhile with Haruto-

The pale Kirigakure genin slowly drew his katana, "Lord Fifth would say something like 'It takes a lot of guts to interrupt the only part of my day that brings me any pleasure!'"

The hunched over Sound genin covered in bandages and a straw rain cloak raised his vambraced arm and growled back, "We don't care what your precious Lord Fifth has to say! Give us the Uchiha boy, or die defending him!" 

Haruto faintly smiled as he took up his stance, "The words of the wise sound like foolishness to those who are perishing." 

"Zaku, clear out this fog!" the bandaged man ordered and his male teammate raised his arms launching a moderately powerful wind jutsu without the need of seals. 

Haruto doubted the young man's status as a wind master, likely meaning the use of some kind of ninja tool, something akin to the fans used by Sunagakure. Something hidden up his sleeves. The blasts of air bought them a brief window of time to operate in without the mist further reducing their visibility, and the leader used it to expose the trapped sections of forest floor Sakura laid out. The trio mocked her as they leapt over, but the Sakura revealed herself to be a bright if not potent kunoichi by cutting a nearby line to release a log trap. It was a classic fake out. 

Haruto prepared to engage when the leader of the Sound trio blasted the swinging log apart with his vambrace, another ninja tool, and a decently powerful one. Still, flying through the air with no wires left them at the mercy of his finger gun, and Haruto felt like they deserved a healthy facial blasting of his mercy. The only thing stopping him was the well timed interference of the magnificent green beast of Konoha.

Rock Lee came in with a hurricane kick that sent the three flying back and landed in front of the Sakura with his combat pose.

"Who are you?" demanded the bandaged genin leader after flipped back onto his feet. 

"Konoha's Handsome Blue Beast, Rock Lee!" Lee declared with confidence. 

Blue? Haruto thought he was green. Despite the dissonance, Haruto felt happy to leave the fight to Lee and get back to his tea, his teammates both up and watching the action. Haruto enjoyed his last cup of tea while Rock Lee proved himself to be a proper freak like Jin by ripping a massive root out of ground to intercept the Sound team's charge. With a display like that Haruto wondered if the young man even needed the help of the other Leaf genin in the area to send these three packing. 

Or kill them considering the vicious ariel pile driver Lee executed on the genin leader… hehe… executed. The hunchback was made of sterner stuff than most, as all he needed was his air blasting teammate to loosen up the soil not to break his skull and neck. The bandaged man shook his head clear after digging himself out from being buried head first up to the hips in the dirt. Good bone density, and maybe fused vertebrae causing his deformity.

Lee looked like the move he pulled off took more out of him than it did his opponent, perhaps an injury flaring up or a mistake made during the process. Either way, the bandaged man in the rain cloak looked like he would get in a free hit right before Haruto blasted him in the face with a fresh load of mercy, underpowered of course, sending the target flying ass over tea kettle rather than blowing his head off his shoulders. 

"I think Jin will find himself disappointed, if this is all the fabled someone else can do." Haruto lazily mocked the green clad genin's performance, "Hurting yourself with your own technique… and not securing the victory. Unworthy." 

Tsk, Lee spat, "Thank you for your timely intervention…" Lee once more took up his stance, "But I won't allow myself to need any further assistance!"

"Then show us what you're really made of." Haruto bid the genin in the fighting field. 

Lee grit his teeth and charged the remaining Sound genin, the boy raised his arms up for more air blasts but Lee proved himself quick on his feet, juking out the attack and moving around it to deliver a crushing head kick to the air wave boy. Lee then dodged a brace of flung senbon ringing with attached bells. Sensing the Chakra carried on the sound, Haruto disrupted the incoming genjustu, but Lee ended up disoriented boxing hallucinations with jerky movements. The girl went in for the kill while eyeing the faintly smiling Haruto. That meant she missed the Sakura who came in low and rammed the girl with a kunai under the ribs. She kept her eye on the wrong target and paid the ultimate price for it. 

The Sakura took shaky steps back, leaving her kunai buried in the other girls chest who looked down at it with slowly dawning horror. 

"I-I I'm sorry!" Sakura screamed and collapsed to her knees hyperventilating.

 Not the most extreme reaction to a first kill Haruto had seen, but far from the best. 

"Y-you!" the girl gasped and slumped over the protrusion, her other hand shaking as it held her own knife tightly. 

On unsteady legs she tried to make her way over to the collapsed pink haired girl, but with her jutsu disrupted, Rock Lee delivered a hell of a kick to her head before he fully understood the situation. The way the girl landed drove the kunai into her up to the ring hilt. Even if they had a legendary medic on stand by, girl was done for.

Haruto clapped for the Sakura's first kill, and the other Kiri genin joined him. 

"Well done, Sakura." he called out, causing both Sakura and Lee to jerk their heads his way. 

It was a shame her teammates were still down and unable to congratulate her for this major career milestone. 

"In Konoha, a first kill is not something we applaud." Rock Lee grit his teeth. 

"What a waste of a chance to celebrate a young shinobi's achievements." Haruto replied.

"The value of a life… is not something to be underestimated, nor the toll taking lives be trivialized." Rock Lee countered. 

"And Sakura has taken that value for herself, proving she is a kunoichi to be respected and feared." Haruto stated and accepted that the Leaf ninja might just miss out on life's small victories riding on that high horse.

"That's enough, Lee!" a voice interrupted whatever response Lee wanted to make. 

A pair of Konoha genin around Haruto's age dropped down from above and stood by Rock Lee, a long dark haired Hyuga boy in a white top and dark shorts, and pink top wearing Kunoichi with her brown hair in twin buns. 

"You have our thanks for assisting our teammate, but that doesn't mean we can allow you to get away." the Hyuga boy declared. 

"I sit next to two of your fellow Konoha genin. They are completely helpless. Yet you would push a conflict with us?" Haruto mused, "What have your eyes seen?" 

"The Kirigakure teams are all working together, and they have already taken out nearly half the other teams." the Hyuga announced, likely for the benefit of the other Konoha team still in hiding, "They are camped out by the tower, and are keeping the other teams in cages. They have enough scrolls for them all to pass, but they aren't leaving." 

"It sounds like Keiko and Jin are doing very well." Haruto smiled, "I'll have to give them my compliments when next we meet." 

"The only way any of us are getting through to the next round… is to capture this team, and take them as hostages." The Hyuga boy explained and took up an aggressive stance.

"Well, then." Haruto smirked as he languidly drew his katana, "Let's see if you all can get me in the mood for real battle." 

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