Big City Field Trip (Part Seven)

It was really fucking hard to find a girl with pink hair and wings in New York!

The streets were an endless maze. To get any kind of vantage point, I had to stay up on the roofs, but that kept me from scrutinizing the throng of people keeping the sidewalks busy. When I searched in Mutant Town, I saw five people with wings. None of them were Megan. I counted two dozen people with pink hair searching New York proper. None of them were Megan.

I even resorted to asking passers-by if they had seen her. I got an endless amount of 'no', most without people even taking a glance at the picture I tried to show on the phone, most without anyone even hearing out my request before they walked past me.

"Man, where's someone like Spider-Man when everything's not exploding?" I complained to myself. Maybe that motherfucker had seen her? No one else has, "...A city of 8 million people, and nobody gives enough of a crap to remember if they saw a literal pixie."

If only I had the GPS thing in her phone that I made everybody on the Paladins get.

Wait. I was an idiot.

The way that app worked was by putting their numbers in and getting a location. I could track them without them getting it themselves and linking up with me somehow. I just made them all do it so we could find each other if need be.

It would be a breach of privacy, but I would take that chance and deal with it later. It had been four or five hours. She wouldn't fly off on me twice, would she?

Nah. She might get pissed and pixie dust me the second time, but she wouldn't fly off again.

Central Park and Belvedere Castle, an itty-bitty stone castle built on an elevated position with a sweet view. I hustled my way south as fast as possible before she decided to leave and I'd have to wait until she stopped again.

The place had been closed for renovations, but that didn't really matter to someone who could fly. As I approached, I could see her sitting up high, her knees pulled to her chest. She saw me coming. I made sure that walked around until she could see me.

Once we made eye contact, she high and I low, I just waited. If she didn't want to see me, she'd let me know quickly, either by telling me off, or leaving. She didn't acknowledge me, but she didn't ignore me either. I took it as a sign and boosted myself up to her level with a concussive blast at the ground.

I didn't even dare sit with her. Neither of us said anything for a while. Eventually, it felt so tense that I had to say something – anything, "Let me just start by saying that I am so glad you didn't leave Manhattan," Perhaps a half-joke wasn't the best way to start.

When she responded, I'd never heard her sound so bitter, "I thought you wanted me to go back to school."

"I never said I wanted you to go back," I told her, "I was surprised you were here, but I'm glad you are. At least, I would be... if..." I trailed off, feeling lame.

'If' what? I didn't know what to say that wouldn't make things worse. I wished she were angry. I knew how to deal with that; let her get it out until she ran out of steam, and then try to actually talk to her after she'd had a chance to vent. But Megan wasn't just straight-up angry, she was hurt. She didn't want to yell, she wanted to feel better. And I was hardly equipped to serve as proper emotional support to someone who was hurting, especially when it was about me.

Megan kept her eyes outward on the expansive view of the park and nearby pond, "Do you want to break up with me?" She finally asked.

I was stunned at the sudden, "What? No! Of course, I don't," If I wanted to break up, I liked to think I wasn't enough of a pussy that I couldn't say it to her face. Everyone deserved that much of a courtesy, "Why would you think that?"

At that, she turned to actually look at me, "It's so hard to get a handle on you, Bel," The girl wore her emotions on her face. She seemed vexed, "You're so good with dangerous stuff, and I think you're one of the strongest people I know, but you're so weird about yourself."

I took her talking to me as an invitation to get closer and sit down with her, "What do you mean?"

"I know you think I'm going to dump you eventually."

I winced. How did she know I'd said that? I only said it to Hisako and Cessily. Hisako would never let my shit slip, and while Cess had admittedly been 'Team Laura', she wouldn't do anything to actively interfere.

At the moment though, denying things would do no good. If Megan was talking about it, she already knew, "That's not entirely accurate," I decided that if she knew that much, she might as well get the full scope of what I was thinking, "It's not that I think you will... it's that eventually, I think you should."

She seemed to have trouble wrapping her head around my mindset, "Why would you think that? I thought you didn't want to break up!"

"I don't want to!" I exclaimed in my defense, "I don't want you to dump me. I just think..."

Megan cut me off with a scoff before I could articulate my thoughts, "-What? You think I'm too good for you?" She had meant to be sarcastic, but when I didn't deny it, her demeanor changed, "You can't be serious. You do?"

I gave her an empty shrug. It was the best I had, "I haven't really kept it a secret. I just never said it straight-up like that. I want you for as long as you'll have me, but I never thought I'd get to keep you."

Some girls would take that as a compliment. For others, it would piss them off. Megan seemed appalled, like she pitied the complete lack of self-esteem it took to come to such a conclusion, "Bellamy, that's awful! How long have you felt that way?"

I smiled at her. It was a bitter, sardonic thing. I could feel the cynical humor forcing the corners of my mouth to tug up, "Since the day you had Hope help you ask me out," In other words, from the very beginning, "Ask anybody on the Paladins. I always thought you were too good for me. You're so sweet, and you're optimistic. And I'm a bitter, sarcastic dick."

"So that means you don't deserve me?"

"I deserve you... I just don't deserve to keep you," I gestured to our surroundings; where we were, and what led us to being there, "This whole thing just proves that, doesn't it? I can run off in the middle of the night to get myself into God knows what without even thinking about calling you first. It didn't even cross my mind."

Rounding it to why she was upset in the first place prompted her to stare down at her lap, "Bel, that was careless and inconsiderate, but it's not..." She stopped and took a shaky breath before trying to meet my eyes, "I know you weren't cheating. It's just my own stupid brain trying to convince me. Ever since the summer, I think about it when I'm with you. Like, some weird little voice just brings it up out of the blue, and I know better!"

I wanted to reach out and hold her hand, wrap her up in my arms and hug her. Her wings flicked when I reached out for her, as if it were a defensive reaction, as if she had flinched. I stopped cold. It felt like a punch to the stomach.

The way she looked at me was uncertain. The next words out of her mouth were as quiet as a whisper, "I think I should go back to school. When will you be back?"

I tried to move forward; put everything to the back of my mind, "Monday at the latest, I'm sure. If Laura can't find who she's looking for here, I'll get her to give it up," If Laura couldn't find this 'Daken' guy, I would carry her ass home over my shoulder. She could try to claw me for it all she wanted to, "I can call you every night to keep you-."

Megan quickly shook her head before I even finished, "-No. You don't have to do that," She insisted, a little too readily to be comfortable with. The smile she tried to paste onto her face to reassure me was hollow enough to do the opposite, "It's okay. We'll... we'll just talk when you get back."

I didn't feel confident about that, either that it would work out for the best when it happened, or that it would even happen in the first place. But that was her choice. She dealt with my dumbass choices all the time. I could spot her putting off a relationship talk until she was more ready to cut to the heart of the matter.

She stood up first. It immediately felt colder without her presence right next to me, "I don't know how I was thinking this would go," She said, hugging herself as she paced a bit, "I thought it would be easier to... I don't know."

"What?"

Megan wanted to say more. It was obvious. She just couldn't get it out, "I... don't worry, we'll talk about it Monday," She started to take off before stopping in her ascent to look back at me one more time, "Be careful."

I watched her fly off until I couldn't see her past the buildings anymore. The pit in my stomach didn't go away. I just plopped my hat further down on my head and sighed. I had to let it go for now. That shitstorm would be waiting for whenever I got back to Xavier's. It wasn't going anywhere.

Meanwhile, there was a can of big, fat worms to open right where I was. My ass was deposited right in the middle of NYC, with my trouble-magnet of a teammate searching for someone shady. I pulled out my phone to call Laura and let her know I'd found Megan and was coming back.

One problem at a time, I guess.