Past pt.01 : mom

We were both sat on the sofa of my living room, next to each other in silence as we both awaited the moment I would start speaking. But I was scared. Scared of what? not sure. Was it because of him? scared of being judged? scared of him leaving? Was it because i didn't want to remember the wounds that were still open?or was I just being a coward for no reason? Lost in thoughts, I felt a hand press on mine in a relaxing way. I looked up at him to see him smiling reassuringly. Okay, I can do it, he won't leave me, he promised.

"I lost my parents few years ago, when I was 13, in the same month. I also lost my grandmother two months later. They all died because of me." I looked at him again trying to read his thoughts, but his face was blank while looking at me. He smiled as I guessed he might've seen my eyes wandering on his face.

...

*FLASHBACK*

"Mom!! I'm late to my piano lessons!!" I shouted as I waited for my mom at the door of our house holding my bag to my stomach.

"I'm coming, wait for me in the car." She shouted back from her room. "You are always late" I huffed as I made my way outside to the car.

Soon enough my mother followed me. "Put on your seat-belt , hurry up" I nodded, plucking it in motioning her to start the car with my hand.

"How much time do we still need?" I furrowed my eyebrows looking at my mom, obviously angry at the time delay we had because of her. "We've already passed half the road, so maybe around 10 minutes." She calmly answered her eyes still on the road.Upon hearing these words , tears started rolling on my face. "You are always like this! Never respect the time of my activities . I am always late for everything!"

"Evy, It's not that sweetie. I'm sorry o-" Everything happened so fast, my legs hitting the air as if stomping the nonexistent floor, my mom looking at me to caress my hair, the sign that turned red suddenly and the car that was hurriedly passing the road .

CRASH...

Silence. I could hear nothing except a buzzing sound in my ears.

"Mom?" I cried as i tried to get up but i was stuck because of the seat-belt. I looked at her, her face covered with blood. "Mom" I cried as I tried to get out and reach her, but in vain."Help" Slowly it started to get dark. "Please". I cried. I could hear faint voices far away but i couldn't get a hold of who they were or what they were saying and soon enough , darkness surrounded me .

-

I woke up in a hospital bed, bandages on my head, tubes flowing around me.My vision was still blurry. I saw a man , who I guessed was my dad , sitting in-front of me.

"Dad" A whisper escaped my mouth as I tried to call him. He turned around as I saw his worried face change in relief.

-

A few days passed as my father was taking care of me, still in the hospital. Everyday he would come early, eat breakfast with me. Then he would read me a story. Later we would eat lunch and then dinner. He would play some games with me before putting me to sleep.

"Dad?" I asked as he was currently sorting my clothes and putting them in the bag. After a few days , the doctor finally gave us the okay to leave. He hummed in response as a signal for me to speak. "Where is mom? I haven't seen her since I woke up." My dad stopped moving. The shirt that he was folding now stood in both of his palms as he turned around facing me. He sighed taking a step closer before smiling reassuringly.

"Evy. You're a strong girl right?" I nodded puzzled at the question. "Well, you know how some day in life, no one knows when, comes a day where we should leave this earth and go to heaven right?" I nodded once again not sure where he was trying to get. "Well , your mother now is there" He pointed to the sky that was clearly seen from the hospital's room window. "She'll be looking at us from there from now on, Okay?"

-

*END OF FLASHBACK*

"Several days later, I was still not over the fact that my mother has left us. I would rarely eat, thinking about it now I really gave my dad a hard time. He had to deal with me even after he lost his wife." At this point, my breath was shaking, my voice was shivering and the tears were filling my face. But still, I didn't feel bad. Mark's hands were confronting me as he rubbing on my back in a soothing manner.

"If only I didn't cry in the car."I stopped as words got stuck in my mouth. "If only I was more patient my mom would be still alive, my dad and grandma too."

"Stop saying this, you did great okay? It's not your fault. It never was and never will. If you were the reason for anything, you would be the reason why your father kept being strong and didn't give up when your mother died."