CHAPTER 17: RYAN

The last thing I remember before I was operated was the doctor injected some serum in my arm and the only person who came in my mind was Rose before I passed out.

Now, when I opened my eyes, I find myself in a weird place. Not the hospital. Not hell. Not even heaven.

It's a ground so bright I have no idea whether it's the light of the bulb or the light from the sun.

I look around to find an endless path going nowhere. There's no one here except me.

"Hello?" I said and my voice echoed all around the place.

I look down at my feet to find my own reflection on the ground. It's not a clear reflection but I can see myself.

I don't know if I'm standing on a glass or walking in the water but I don't like it here.

Did I die?

If I died and this is heaven then I'm shocked. I didn't expect to end up in heaven.

I like the silence though, it's relaxing but it's also irritating. I don't know if I'm dead or alive. If this is real or I'm in a dream.

I soon hear footsteps approaching me, I don't turn around till the footsteps stop few steps behind me.

We both are silent and no one says a word or moves until I hear the person clear his throat.

"You can turn around, you know,"

I freeze at the recognition of the man's voice.

I did die.

There's no other explanation…

I slowly turn around to face him and there he is.

Standing right in front of me is my brother.

My dead brother.

"Jack," that's the only thing I say when I see him.

He's wearing the same clothes he wore the night he died. The blue sweater Bree gifted him and his grey sweats that he always wore to be comfortable. His hair is a mess like it always have been and it always suited him.

Worst of all, he's wearing a smile. His charming smile for which everyone fell for.

"Hi," he said

I gather my thoughts before asking "did I die? I died, right?"

He chuckled "no, no, believe me, you're alive."

Then how the hell am I seeing him?

"How are you here?" I asked

He shrugged "I don't know, I'm just here,"

This shit is so confusing.

"Why?" I asked

"To knock some sense into you," he said, I frowned "make you admit who you really care about." He emphasized on the word 'really'

"What?"

"Don't worry, you're not waking up till you admit your true feelings and my dear brother, you're stuck with me till you admit the truth," he grinned.

That's the kind of grin I hated when we were young because it always meant he was going to waste my time talking shit.

But right now, I'd do anything to talk to him because God, I missed him.

______________________

I take my words back.

I hate talking to him. He's annoying and I want to kill him.

He has done nothing but tell me how horrible of a husband I am for Rose.

The worst part is that I know I'm a horrible husband.

"God, Jack, just shut up already," I said, cutting him off after he started mentioning Rose's exes and how they were way better than me.

I doubt that.

"So, you do realize it?" He asked, I pin him with a death glare "that's not going to do anything, I'm dead already,"

I pressed my face into my hand and groaned.

"What is even the point of reminding me that I'm a horrible husband?" I asked as I removed my hands from my face.

"Maybe so that you can defend yourself and say that you have been a good husband in some cases," Jack said.

I swear, he makes no sense sometimes.

"Jack-" I sighed "what are you talking about?"

We're both sitting on the ground cross legged as he scoots a little closer to me.

"Admit you like Rose," he says as he leans closer to my face

"Piss off," I say and push him away

"You do!" He yells

"You just took- I don't know how many hours telling me how horrible I am as a husband and now you're saying I like Rose? What the hell?"

Jack sighs "Ryan, if you didn't like Rose why did you even agree to marry her in the first place?"

I don't answer his question because I didn't agree to marry Rose because I liked her. My reason was totally different than what people expect.

After I don't answer him, he asks again "if that's not the reason you agreed to marry her then what is?" He looks concerned now.

I don't look at him when I answer, instead I look at the endless path going who knows where "she knows who killed you," I say, I feel him stiffen "I want to know who,"

"So you married her." Jack says "do you think she will tell you? Has she told you?"

"No,"

"And she never will because she doesn't know."

I look at him now and he's mad.

"Henry knows who killed you, he tells Rose everything. She knows every bit of dirt about every one of Henry's rivals maybe even me."

"Henry never talked shit about us. He treated us like his own children."

"You don't know that. Just because someone shows you kindness doesn't mean they mean it."

"Are you insane?" Jack says "if he wanted, he could've ignored us, taken Rose away from us, he would've never helped you with your business. You know his help is a big part of your business success."

"I know but I also know he's been hiding something. I've always known."

"Ryan. Henry's dead. Rose doesn't know a thing about who killed me."

"But you do," I say and he doesn't answer "tell me who did it,"

"It won't matter,"

"Yes, it will. He'll be punished."

"I don't want anyone to be punished. It won't bring me back!" He yelled the last sentence.

We both stay quiet. No one says a word or moves.

Till Jack sighs and drops his head between his shoulder.

"Ryan," he says then releases a heavy breath and runs his hand through his hair lifting his head up to face me "Rose doesn't deserve what you're doing. She thinks you married her because you care about her. It'll break her when she finds out your reason of the marriage."

"I do care about her, Jack. I don't want to hurt her, believe me, I hate myself for even thinking of hurting her."

"Then, don't do this." Jack says "forget I was ever murdered. Give Rose what she deserves."

"I can't do that—"

"Yes, you can and you know that." He says determined like I've ever been good enough to love her. "Look, I'm not going to lie to you. I hated that Bree wanted you and Rose to be together because I know Rose deserves so much more but I also know if you are capable of loving her, you will and you will never let anyone raise a single finger towards her."

Jack looks so determined to the fact that I can love Rose the way she deserves but he doesn't know what I've done. I can't let her walk in the same path as mine. I can't let her walk even beside me.

He might be right about one thing, I care about Rose enough to burn down everything which hurts her but I can't love her. Even if I tried. Even if I want to.

"Jack even if I try to change for her. The thought of her finding out about the truth honestly scares me." I say "I don't want her to leave. I've grown attached to her and I hate it so much,"

This is the first time I've admitted it. And my dead brother is the one listening.

"Change your mind then. Fix the marriage, spend time with Rose, show her that you want the marriage to work," Jack says

"And what if it doesn't work-"

"God, Ryan, would you just try?" He says, pissed. "I hate it that you think you're not worthy of being loved or being in love."

We both stare at each other.

"I sound like Bree," Jack admits

"You do," I say

He shakes his head "but it's true, you can't say anything before you try."

I wait for his words to sink in.

𝘛𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘪𝘹 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘢𝘨𝘦.

𝘛𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳.

𝘛𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰.

I let out a heavy breath before answering "fine," Jack smiles "I'll do it,"

"Thank God!" Jack yells and falls back spreading his legs and arms on the ground. "My brother listened to me!" He yelled

I rolled my eyes "stop being dramatic,"

Jack laughs and I find myself smiling. I let myself smile because I missed him and he can't see me.

"I miss you all," Jack suddenly says after few minutes of silence.

I look down at my reflection, "we miss you too," I say and feel him grin "so much that it's annoying,"

Jack chuckles and I realize at that moment how much I miss our bonding even though most of the time he was the one bragging and I pretended to listened.

I wasn't the kind of brother people hoped but that didn't mean that I didn't love Bree and Jack. They were my only family who believed in me and I would've been an asshole if I didn't appreciate that.

Jack sits up and we both look at each other, he's still smiling but it's a sad smile.

"Time to go," he says.

I nod and we both get up, I shove my hands in my pockets so does he.

"I'm not hugging you," I say

"I'm not expecting you to," Jack says

"Okay, good,"

"See you soon, then" Jack says "but not too soon,

I let myself smile in front of him "you're a jerk,"

"Just like you," he says "but more handsome,"

I roll my eyes and he laughs. We stand in silence for a bit then Jack says "goodbye Ryan,"

I sigh before replying "goodbye, Jack"

He smiles then without saying a word, he turns and starts walking away, I watch as he disappears into the path and I'm left alone.

Again.