chapter 21

★★★ Lucian ★★★

Silence; that was all I was met with when I reached out to comfort Killian. Killian had howl and whimper in pain all-night, stayed low on the ground at mother's oasis as he mourned his mate. By the time I shifted back, he went silent, not making a single sound or showing he was there. It was like he was dead but still alive. I had never felt this guilty in my entire life, Killian had never felt so much pain and rejection. He had always been the strong one both physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. When my parents died, he made me strong and gave me a purpose. he gave me a course. He had never argued with my decisions before, like what I wanted to do, but yet I deprived him of the one person he yearned for more than anything and anyone. I didn't really think my decision through, I just did it and the result was this. Tiana didn't care, I forgot she was a stony hearted one. Every single ounce of affection she had for him was gone, replaced with utter and maybe irrevocable contempt. Mates are capable of hating each other, that is what prompts rejection. Tiana was going to reject us, I could feel it. Killian was already dying from the thoughts of rejection or she with another unmated male. Her eyes said it all, she won't rest until she pays me back the exact way I did her.

'Alpha, you still haven't told us what is wrong with you,' Zack, one of the oldest wolf in the pack said worriedly. The eldest wolves, my beta, beta female, gamma, chief warrior and of course, Riley surrounded me in the pack hall, begging me to tell them what was wrong. Robecca knew, but she was under command not to say a word. Rick was spying at the door, too afraid to come closer to me.

'lucian, I can't feel your wolf,' Becca said anxiously. 'Is your wolf hurt?' I didn't answer them, I remained seated on my chair, downing myself in alcohol. The Alphas of the packs that came to visit were here too, trying to figure out what was wrong with me.

'Alpha lucian, I can't feel your wolf,'

'Why did you howl?'

Why? I'm a fool, that's why.

I shouldn't feel so guilty, no, but my wolf was paying the price of my selfish decision. A weak and broken wolf was a damage alpha, I was getting damaged emotionally and mentally. I couldn't even think of what to do, how to fix it because simple apology wouldn't fix the problem. 'A...'

'Please just stop it! All of you! Get out!'

'K...'

'Now!!!' Many ran out in fear, I was switching to tantrum mode and they all know how easy I kill when I'm throwing a tantrum. They all quickly left me alone, locking the door behind them so I would finish my thrashing in there. I fell back on the chair, I didn't have the strength to even pick up anything and smash it.

Killian please, talk to me, I beg you... Silence, I was met with silence... If you talk to me, I promise I will do anything and everything it takes to get our mate back, I won't let any other male touch her, no male shall spill their semen on or in her, I promise... Still silence... Killian, I am making a promise, please, I will get our mate back, I promise.

Killian stirred in my head, making me know that my begging was working.

Buddy, remember we are pals? I know I made a selfish decision out of anger and hate but I promise you that I will shove down that hate and anger, keep it to myself and make sure I win her heart, make her love you again, I promise. Killian please, don't let us break down, don't let out pack members keep seeing us like this and wondering why. I promise you Killian, I will never let anyone else mate with her except us. Please?

He growled softly and turned again.

Please Killian. Even if you don't want to talk to me, make your presence known, don't let the others feel your weakness. I beg you, come back.

It wasn't much, but he listened to that last part. The surface of my skin tingled as I felt my energy return to me. He wasn't going to talk to me, but he was holding me to my promise. Now how do I do that? Huffing loudly, I stood up and ran to the door, yanking it off it hinges and throwing the heavy platinum on the ground. I ran out of the building, halted when I saw the entire pack – at least most of them – sitting on the ground with their heads bowed in sorrow.

'All of you, get up and get back to your respective lives, I'm fine now.'

'lucian' Spinning on the ball of my foot, I whirled around to face him. He jumped into my arms and wrapped his hands around my neck, grinning from ear to ear. 'Are you feeling better now? Are you still sad?'

'No, I'm fine now.'

'Did you smash the room?'

'Heh, heh, no, I didn't.'

'Why were you sad?'

'I'm sorry, but that is something I would rather keep it to myself,' I rubbed my nose on his temple. He laughed and shook his head, still insisting I tell him. 'I will tell you soon but not now.'

'How soon?' He peered at my face, making his suspicion well known. I chuckled and ruffled his hair before dropping him back on the ground.

'I need to wash up, I'll check on you later.'

'But you haven't answered my question, how soon?'

'Say hi to your brother for me,'