Chapter 2
When I enter him, he moans my name in
his breathy voice like he always does. I want to take it slow and
savor this moment, his tightness, our love, but we’re tired and he
has to leave in five hours so we cling to each other with a
desperation that scares us both. When he comes, he sobs and tells
me again he doesn’t want to leave.
I kiss away his tears and tell him I
know. I don’t want him to go either, but it isn’t up to me. I hold
him tight and smooth my hand over the stubble of his hair as his
breathing evens out and he falls asleep in my arms.
I wish it wereup to me because
I’m going to miss this boy, my boy, and I’m not going to sleep
until he’s back here with me again. I close my eyes and tell him I
love him so he won’t ever forget.
And I dread the coming of
dawn.
* * * *
I dream I’m in a forest, trees
surrounding me like I’ve heard existed before the turn of the
millennium but I’ve never seen this many. Tall oaks and towering
redwoods and bushy evergreens close in on me, hemming me in until
there is nothing but green everywhere I turn. I’m alone, cold and
shivering and afraid, because I know Tomas is here somewhere. He’s
lost in the trees and I can’t find him. I call out his name but
when he answers, his voice comes from every direction and I can’t
see anything through the trees. Where?I cry. Tomas,
where are you?
Right here, comes the
reply.
It fades until it’s nothing but an
echo of his words, a memory that haunts me as I struggle to wake. I
still hear it when I open my eyes to the gray sunlight slanting
through my blinds and the sound of Tomas singing in the shower.
Right here.
But where’s here?
* * * *
“How long will you be
gone?” I ask as he dresses in the crisp set of fatigues I ironed
the night before.
He’s not my boy any more—it’s morning
and he’s fallen into soldier mode, his summer smile hidden by a
distrustful frown that makes him look older than he really is. I
watch as he steps into his pants and pulls them up, the camouflage
green covering his sexy legs. “Tomas?”
“I don’t know. Rosser said
two weeks, three tops. Just a routine mission—”
“So you keep saying.”
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I sigh. He tucks his olive T-shirt
into his pants and zips them up, flashing me a quick grin that says
he loves me without words. “I’m going to miss you.”
He bends over and kisses my forehead,
a rough press of lips that makes me sad. Each time one of us has to
ship out, it gets harder and harder to say goodbye.
“I’ll think of you every
second of every day,” he promises, “and all throughout the night.
I’ll try to call, if we get any leave. And I’ll write, you know
that.”
“I know.”
The Bridge is a good two days’ drive,
the no-man’s-land before the City, and it terrifies me to know he’s
heading there. The City used to be called Manhattan back
before our time, but now it’s just a lawless territory of anarchy
and hate no one ventures into because no one makes it out
alive.
Lieutenant Rosser is crazy—he’s
notorious for pushing his men one step farther, for disregarding
orders and shirking protocol. Peace-keeping activities mean a few
watches, a show of arms, but I know Rosser too well. He’ll send
scouts into the City, and I don’t want him sending
Tomas.
“Let me call Max,” I say as
Tomas shoves clean clothes into his backpack. “I’ll pull some
strings, what do you say?”
Now I’m the anxious one and Tomas is
strong enough for us both. As he shakes his head, I plead with him
to stay. “The skirmishes are getting worse. I don’t want you
there.”
He pulls me up from the bed and into
his arms. Resting his forehead against mine, he gives me a sad
smile. “I don’t want to be there. But it’s just two weeks and if
there’s fire, we’ve got orders to pull out sooner.
Rosser—”
“Rosser is an
ass.”
He grins because I’m right.
“I outrank him. If I can
just get Max to reassign you—”
“No.” He stares into my
eyes and I find myself drowning in his blue gaze. “No, Jace, you
can’t do that. I won’t let you. The 49th is my family—I’ve grown up
with those kids. I know how they fight and I know I can trust them.