Chapter 34

Hikari Horaki felt lonely and maybe that was why she had accepted to have Asuka move in with her again. Her older sister, the person closest to her, had left for Kyoto after the explosion that leveled part of Tokyo-3 rather than stay in a war zone. Hikari had no such freedom of choice. Though she would have gone with Kodama in a heartbeat, her father depended on NERV for work and so he remained behind along with Hikari and her younger sister.

When Misato had called late the previous night to tell her that Asuka was moving out and needed a place to stay, she'd said that Asuka and Shinji had a fight. She wouldn't say over what, however, or what made this particular fight so nasty that they couldn't stay together anymore. The teen pilots were always arguing and fighting like an old married couple—much like she and Toji had, and still did whenever she visited him in the hospital.

It had taken some convincing, but finally her father had agreed to let her bring Asuka in. He'd never even met her the previous time because he always worked so much, Hikari argued, so he wouldn't know she was there, and with Kodama gone it wasn't like they didn't have space. Misato had warned her that Asuka would need some attention, but Hikari kept that to herself. Having gotten permission, she'd phoned Misato and the Major arranged for some of the redhead's things to be taken over.

Misato had said Asuka would meet her at school, but the German girl never showed up. Actually, none of the three children attended that day. Hikari couldn't help worrying—it was in her nature.

Unfortunately, she wasn't just being morose; Asuka really had problems. No matter if she had managed to pull herself together and lead a somewhat normal life after what had happened to her. She deserved a lot credit for that, even admiration. But she had problems.

Hikari, having never experienced the kind of trauma Asuka had endured, could not really relate to her on the sort of level she would've wanted. And as Asuka had cried herself to sleep that night, Hikari had been utterly unable to comfort her. She had felt useless and undeserving. There she was, supposedly caring for someone and yet managed to do nothing in the end. She was the worst sort of friend.

Selfish as it might seem, Hikari knew when Misato called that she wanted to fix that. She wanted a second chance to be there for Asuka.

She waited for her friend for nearly an hour after school, but Asuka never came, so Hikari decided to walk home. Maybe something had happened, she thought. Maybe Misato had left a message.

Hikari walked down the narrow sidewalk, careful to avoid running into people, and passed in front of the small arcade located on the corner. The place was popular with most students, providing a welcome break after a day full of schoolwork. Hikari had never been big on video games—the only reason she even bought a console was for dating sims—but she and Asuka had hung out there a few times, along with the Three Stooges.

As she peered fleetingly through the front window, Hikari recognized the figure engaged over one of the flashy, loud machines. Her golden-red hair and pointy scarlet hairclips gave her away.

She was wearing her uniform, too; she had certainly left for school that morning as Misato said she would. Hikari sighed, and made her way into the arcade.

"Asuka?" Hikari called shyly, walking over to her distracted friend. She was playing a shooting game, her favorite genre.

Asuka turned her head and gazed at her friend with dull eyes, so much so that they seemed a completely different shade of blue. They were the eyes of someone who had been through a deeply personal tragedy. Hikari could not believe this was the same cheerful, outgoing person she had befriended. How could a mere fight with Shinji Ikari have done this to her?

"Uh...hi, Hikari." Asuka forced herself to smile.

"Hi," Hikari said. Checking out the arcade screen she noticed the initials ALS held all of the Top Ten records—all dated within the last few hours. "Did … did you go to school at all? I've been really worried. Misato told me that..."

"School didn't seem important," Asuka said flatly. She returned her attention to the game, moving the controls with short, practiced movements.

"Well, I thought something happened to you."

Asuka did not reply to that.

Hikari swallowed awkwardly, uncertain of how far she should allow her curiosity to push the issue. "Misato told me that you and Shinji...had problems."

Hikari found more meaning in the heavy silence that followed those rather than on the words themselves. Asuka was many things, but she wasn't coy, and she didn't avoid a subject as blatantly as she was doing now. Normally, she'd try to deflect attention, to deny that something was bothering her and haughtily pretend she was fine. This time there was no pretense in her body language; she wasn't fine.

The freckled girl decided to change the subject.

"You know, I've been really wanting to talk to you for a long time. About what happened before with the Eva in the city. But it's not really important now, I guess. Ever since you came out of the hospital I've just been glad to have you around." She paused and smiled amicably. "So, are you moving in with me after all?"

Hikari reached out a hand intuitively in a gesture of support.

Asuka quickly pulled away. "I told Misato not to bother you with that," the redhead said defensively. "I can go elsewhere."

She turned her head, no longer focusing on the flashing screen but on the window beyond. Hikari could not see her eyes or her expression, only her stiff body language. The Class Rep. was not at all surprised by this behavior. Any of the girls who shallowly hung around Asuka would have given up right then and there, thinking her a lost case and not worth the trouble.

But Hikari was not one of them; where other girls might envy Asuka for her popularity she had long ago gotten used to playing second fiddle to her friend's idol status; she didn't mind that when they were together there was hardly a glance spared in her direction instead of the exotic, sharp-featured, sapphire-eyed redhead. There was no sense in denying that Asuka was simply prettier all-around, and that Hikari, with freckles and her hair in two pig-tails, was no comparison.

The only reason the popular Eva pilot had been drawn to socialize with the Class Rep. in the first place was because of her position as an authority figure. Asuka held extremely high standards for people, matching the almost impossible standard she set for herself. If people didn't measure up then they were not good enough for her. That was Asuka. And as elitist as that attitude might be outwardly, it was not Hikari's place to judge her based solely on it.

Because, like an frozen, unforgiving iceberg, there was a lot more to Asuka beneath the surface.

Their relationship, for example. Hikari knew she meant more to Asuka, even if she refused to admit it, and that Asuka meant more to her. It was no longer a matter of status or standards; there was true fondness between them, tolerance, understanding, a real friendship.

And Hikari knew that was just the sort of thing Asuka needed to hear.

"You know, Asuka …" Hikari gently placed her hand on Asuka's shoulder. "I am your friend, for better or worse. You are … you are like one of my sisters. You are family. And family members are supposed to look after one another. I understand if maybe you feel embarrassed, but there's nothing to be embarrassed about. I will always look up to you. I'll always want to help you."

"I'm not your sister." Asuka shrugged her off. "I don't have any family. I don't need family."

"Do it for me then," Hikari said. "I told you Kodama moved out, right? I need someone to talk to, you know, about girl stuff. I need someone told tell me if my outfit matches my shoes. I need someone to tell me how I could do better than being just a boring class representative. Someone I can trust."

"You mean you need a bigger sister," Asuka said snidely.

"Well, since you put it that way …"

"I don't want to be a burden," Asuka said, dipping her head slightly.

"Don't be silly. I'd be honored. Pen-pen will be happy to see you too. I can tell he misses you." It was a syrupy thing to say, almost cliché in its simplicity, but it was heartfelt. Asuka seemed to agree as she suddenly lowered her guard and let a little hint of appreciation enter her voice.

Asuka took a long time to think about what was really being offered. Hikari didn't pretend to sneak some sympathy bellow the redhead's radar, but she did hope to make her realize that it was okay to accept a little comfort. Hikari reached again for her friend's shoulder to make her point. When Asuka didn't object, the pigtailed girl knew she had succeeded.

She smiled. "Lets go. Some of your things are probably already waiting for you."

The two schoolgirls stepped outside together and walked side by side to the train station. Hikari was careful not to look terribly concerned, though she could help casting appraising look at Asuka as the walked, quickly looking away when she thought the other girl might see her. Asuka would normally be rightly annoyed by such behavior. Now she said nothing.

That was the thing that upset Hikari the most—her silence, her brooding, miserable silence. And she wondered again what Shinji Ikari could have done to hurt her so badly.