Deepest Regret

"I guess I'll carry this regret in this lifetime" Maria uttered to herself. Her eyes were dull and there was a gloomy atmosphere around her. The white-haired woman was appreciating the silence in her room.

"Meow."

Her eyes went to the cat on her lap, her lips curve into a smile when she saw her resemblance to the cat. The cat purred when Maria comb its fur. "I never thought that you are the cat of my father," she said.

"Meow."

"I guess you can understand me," Maria jested, but her expression is telling the opposite.

"Meow," the cat only replied.

The cat jumped away from her and went to the window. "You're going?" Maria asked. There was a disappointment written in her eyes, her supposed to be a companion for today will leave her. "Good...bye..."

The cat stared at Maria for a while before leaping to the window. The cat looks reluctant but it didn't stop her to leave. When the cat disappeared from her sight, Maria took a deep breath. Her eyes went to her palm as she remembered what happened a while ago.

She slapped her father.

Twice.

Her emotions succumb to her rationality when her father told her that the King will come today. Although her father told him that she can slap him in his face, that doesn't mean that she should've done that.

It was wrong. How can she slap her father if he can't stop something inevitable?

In her head, that anger is meaningless. It is true that she still has some grudges for the king but compared to things that she did to him and to Cheska...

Maria shook her head.

She knows that she doesn't have any right to hold these grudges to both of them, but how can she stop it? She's just a human.

People in her previous life didn't title her as 'The Most Wicked Of all' for nothing. It has a deep reason because she was truly wicked. Her past nicknames aren't just for a show, and there was this thing that she regretted the most.

Her eyes dropped to her belly and smiled sadly. "Do I really deserve you?" She asked while touching her stomach, she was talking to her baby. Tears of sadness were forming in her eyes. "I know that I'm a changed person now, but my sins are too heavy to forget..."

"Tell me," She paused. "Do I really deserve Gabriella and my husband?" A tear dropped from her eyes. "How can Gabriel love a person like me?" She uttered. "How can he understand me?"

Silence only answered her question. Maria gripped her hair.

Her eyes keep staring in her belly. "What if you will become the price of my deepest regret?" She asked. Tears keep falling from her eyes like a waterfall, and when she can't finally stop her emotions, she placed her hands in her face and sobbed like a lonely child in the corner.

Maria's Deepest regret was something that was considered 'Unforgivable' in anyone's opinion. Her regret was something that she won't be able to erase in her mind because it was greater than the traumatic experience of death in her previous life.

With her hands...

And with her strength...

She killed a life.

An innocent life.

When her father told her that the King will come to their manor, she felt angry. She's angry because her father was doing something that she doesn't like, but when her father mentioned the 'Crown Prince' in her face, her bitter emotion flooded like a storm inside of her.

Her heart was pierced with pain and regrets. A face of a woman crying on the floor with blood flowing on her legs flashed into her mind.

In the memory of her previous life...

That current Prince was not supposed to be born.

Because she killed him before Cheska was able to give birth to him.

She killed him.

It was one of the main reasons why she was executed.

"I'm sorry..." She softly uttered while remembering her previous life. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please forgive me." She keeps muttering. She's crying like a child and alone in her room. Maria tried to lower her voice so her lady-in-waiting won't hear her.

"I'm sorry..."

When Maria became drenched at the thoughts of her regrets. A warm arm suddenly embraced her.

She suddenly recognized that warmth. How could she forget the most comfortable thing that she ever felt in her two lifetimes?

Maria took a deep breath to calm herself.

"I'm here," A manly voice whispered in her ears. "Don't cry, I am here," The voice assured her as he wipes her tears. The man was breathing heavily while hugging Maria in his arms. "I told you that it won't happen again, why are you still crying like that?" He asked gently.

Maria's eyes went to the face of the man who was currently embracing her. "Gabriel..." She uttered. Her eyes locked in his beautiful midnight eyes. Maria raised her palm as she touched his cheeks.

When she realized that the person who was embracing her was real, she became surprised. "Gabriel..." She uttered. "You're here...?" Her face looks naive with her swollen eyes.

Gabriel didn't answer. Instead, he gently placed a kiss on her lips.

"I am here," He whispered. A frown appeared on his face when he remembered something. "And that motherf*cker is also here," He said referring to the current King.

"I-I... You knew..."

His mood suddenly went lower, He placed his hands on her stomach as he uttered. "My wife... I heard what you said a while ago. Do not say such stupid things again," he said with a frown. "How many times do I have to assure you this?" He asked.

Maria's eyes went down but Gabriel made her face look straight into his eyes. Behind him, there was a warm sunlight and Maria could only appreciate this view. "I know..." She uttered. "But..." She suddenly paused when he saw her husband's face.

Her Husband...

She suddenly remembers the day of their marriage. Her father did ruin her marriage but when Gabriella took her father away to talk, Gabriel told the priest to continue the ritual, therefore they were now considered as husband and wife.

What a tricky man.

Gabriel wavered when he saw that there were another bunch of tears forming in his wife's eyes. It keeps hurting him whenever he sees her like this. This scene happened already many times, and it really hurts him.

If he knew that this will happen, He should've arrived sooner.

"You deserve me and our child," He stated. "Listen to me, I don't care about your f*cking previous life," He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "The things that happened in your previous life are merely a dream that will never happen again."

That's right.

Gabriel is the only person who knows her deepest secrets and deepest regrets. It was also the reason why she loves him deeply.

He knows everything about her.

Gabriel is the only person who can probably love her despite her past wickedness.

•••••

3 years ago:

"I already told you everything about me! Why are you still pursuing me?" Maria asked the 20-year-old Gabriel. "Or maybe you're probably thinking that I'm crazy because of this?"

"I don't," Gabriel replied. "I believe you."

"Then why?! Perhaps you are crazy? How can still like me despite of my wickedness? I already told you, I am not the person you think that I am!" Maria could only shout hopelessly. Tears are forming in her eyes. "If Gabriella finds about this, she will surely disapprove of us..."

She can't understand this man. Is this the same man who keeps nagging her whenever she made trouble for slapping someone?

"Then we won't let her know."

"What?"

"I already know your secret, and I still like you," Gabriel paused. His eyes were serious and Maria knows it. "It only means that I must be with you and vice versa."

"Ridiculous," Maria could only shake her head. "Truly ridiculous," She uttered once again. "You and your decisiveness..."

Gabriel noticed that she fell into deep thought. After thinking, Maria opened her mouth to utter a lie. "If I told you that I still like the Prince? What will you--"

"I don't care," Gabriel cuts her off with a frown. "I told you, I like you, I will surely replace him," he said with a firm voice. "and I am serious about it."

Maria's mouth parted. She averted her eyes from him as she frowned. "Do what you want..." she said, "I already told you the truth, and yet..." She paused and she walked away while shaking her head. "Idiot..."

"Probably," He chuckled.

Gabriel said that he doesn't care about the Prince that Maria fell in love with. However, when the morning came, Gabriel bought a poster of Prince Ian and placed it on his walls as a target of his darts.