So Many Question..

They wheel in these two little babies, in my hospital room, I just look at them and know they are both Zero's. They look just like him, except for the light brown hair. They are perfect in every way. Was this him, giving back to me? Where right now, I feel he took everything away. I can't believe any of this is happening. My feelings are everywhere at the moment, not able to comprehend any of what is going on. This is even more unreal than any of the other things we experienced.

I thought we were over him leaving to go back to Yuki? I know we were, so then what was going on? I have no clue.

The nurse asks me to fill out their birth certificates, I have no idea what to say. What do I fill out? Who do I put? The man I believe is their father, I have no idea where he is. And if I'm going crazy, I don't even know who he is.

I start with filling out their names and stuff I know, at least having something on the page.

" I would like to talk to their father before, I put him down if that's ok? I am being discharged tomorrow, I will come back to fill in the rest."I say.

Not sure what to do, hoping that something is still out there when I return home. For our son's name, I still put down Zero Jr. Calling him ZJ, nothing is ever going to change that. I know, I would never sleep with someone else. Oh god, Did I? Like I said before, I am so confused about everything at this moment. That I am even doubting what really is going on. Maybe this is all in my head? Maybe I'm crazy? Then I look at my children once again and I know I'm not. Their eyes say it all.

I need to pick a name for our daughter. Our daughter, she is precious, I just stare at her in awe. No matter what was true, or real, I know I will have to take care of these two babies myself. I just hope, I can be all they both need. I choose to call our daughter Destiny since this seems to now be ours.

I fill out the paper the best I can, for now, getting myself ready to get the hell out of here in the morning. I try to call my old phone number, but it says it's disconnected, which only makes me hurt more. I also try calling the agency, where I am only able to leave a message but its still there, which gives me hope.

Are my in-laws still around? Is Ichiru? I know there isn't another Kiryu detective agency. I try calling my in-laws but no one answers. Would they remember me as I do them? Are they still there? I have no clue. I will do my best to try tomorrow soon as I am let out of this jail.

Tomorrow morning doesn't come soon enough, as I been up all night thinking about everything. If Zero isn't in this world anymore, what am I going to do? My babies won't have their father or a father. I can't ask Joel to take them, it's not fair to him. I am not really sure, I want to go back to the life we had before. I now know what its like to be happy in a relationship, to be with someone I truly love. Dream or not. I don't think, I can fake it now as I did back then. I don't think, I want to.

As I am sitting there with my two sweet babies, Joel and the girls come to get me. Joel trying to be nice to me. I am just not sure, how he is doing it, knowing I just had someone else's children. I know that had to be hard. I wish, I didn't have to go through this all over again. Making Joel suffer as well. Did this mean we were meant to be and stay together? I was hoping it didn't.

I kept all my thoughts to myself, feeling if this was a dream they would think I went totally insane. Which would mean they would take me away from my babies and I surely didn't want or need that. So I stayed quiet, just going through the motions.

Joel drives us all home, to where this all started, back to the house years ago I had to give up. That I missed for a long time. It was now back as mine right in front of me, the weird thing about it now is, I didn't want it. I feel like I been placed in a horror movie. Only thing was no one was trying to kill me, or at least yet. I felt so far away from everything happening. I didn't live this life for what felt so long, at least to me. I am still questioning everything, I even think happened at this point. My home is like I never left, everything is. Could everything go right back to where it left off? It sure seemed that way.