It Can't Be.

One morning, I am at the office, doing some paperwork. Ichiru at my desk picking on me like he did most mornings. It was like having a little brother who always picked and teased me. I didn't mind it at all. After I got over the fact that he looked so much like Zero, we became very good friends.

As I am putting the paper into the copy machine, I look out the window, seeing something I never thought. I would ever see. Something I prayed Would never happen. I see Zero outside next to his car, talking to Yuki. My heart stops and my knees get weak. Ichiru noticing right away. Going to the window to see what I am looking at. He just stands behind me, not sure he is seeing this correctly either.

What happens next neither of us, sure about. We see Yuki, move in close and kiss Zero passionately. It's like I'm not in my mind, or the world. It's like I'm watching a soap opera. This isn't the man I adore with her. Please tell me it isn't so. We watch as both of them get into the car and drive away.

I stand there not even able to breathe, tears just stream down my face. I lost the battle. One I thought was over a long time ago. Ichiru just looks at me, not finding anything funny to say about this. He knew what this meant. It seems to hurt him as well.

"Look, maybe it wasn't what we thought? Maybe it was just a goodbye kiss." Ichiru states Trying to make light of this.

"What is she doing here? Why did she come back? He didn't push her away Ichiru, He kissed her back. He got into a car with her and drove off, not even telling me she is here." I shout.

"I can't blame him for not telling you. He knew it would upset you. We just have to keep our calm about it. I don't know why she is here. Maybe just to see if he is ok? Its been a while." Ichiru answers.

I just go back to my desk, my nerves taking over me. She was here to take my life away. To take him back with her. Everything I was always worried about was now coming to life. I was going to lose him to her. The sad part was, I didn't think I could do anything to stop it. I saw how he leaned in to kiss her back. How he was just looking at her, the way he always did. I couldn't replace that. I couldn't change it either.

I see Ichiru go into his office. He seems very upset as well, just trying to keep it from me. He knew how much I loved his brother. He didn't want to see me hurt.

"Zero, this is your brother pick up the damn phone. What the fuck are you doing? Your wife and I saw you with Yuki. She saw her kiss you!! She is very upset. Where are you? Pick up this fucking phone! "Ichiru shouts.

When Zero left with Yuki it was going on two-thirty. It was now time for me to pick up ZJ from school. I couldn't wait at the office to see what time Zero returned. I had other things I had to take care of. Just at the moment, I was shaking and barely able to drive. Which Ichiru notices.

"Hey, I will drive you to pick him up and take you home. I wouldn't mind spending some time with the boy either. We get along really well." Ichiru states.

"fine," I reply.

Not fully there, so many thoughts running through my mind it was pounding. I could accept anything just not this. To lose to her? I didn't have thoughts that he would still want me after this. Even though we were together so long and have more history in a way then he does with her. I just saw how he felt about her in the Manga, how he never let her go. I felt I was doomed.

We pick up ZJ and head home. Ichiru helps him with his homework as I try to make dinner. I just put some easy pasta and sauce together with a salad. I am in no mood for much of anything. I see the time ticking away and Zero still isn't home. I don't even bother to call him. Why? It wasn't going to change anything. I wasn't going to chase after him or beg. I was even too hurt to try.

Ichiru stays watching tv with ZJ and giving his nephew some attention, as he waits for Zero to come home as well. Checking his watch every now and then. Seeing the time go by and no call or anything from him.

"Ichiru its time for ZJ to get ready for bed. It's going on seven." I say.

"Ok little man, you go get ready, I will tuck you in," Ichiru replies.

"Will daddy be home to tuck me in to?" He normally is." ZJ responds.

As he asks that, Zero walks in the door.

"Daddy, "ZJ says running to him and giving him a hug.

"Hey buddy, I see its time to get ready for bed. Go get ready and I will come to tuck you in." Zero says.

Acting as if nothing took place today. I just pass by him and go upstairs to get our son ready for bed. If I stick around, I will either start screaming or fall apart and I don't want our son to see either. Ichiru stays downstairs with him.

"What the fuck is going on?" Ichiru asks.

"Shhh, Don't let her hear you. Take his shirt home, don't let her see it." Zero responds.

"What are you doing? She knows you were with Yuki. She saw you kiss. She is beside herself. Not to mention its seven. Where the hell have you been???" Ichiru asks.

"I can't talk now. I will tell you tomorrow at work." Zero responds looking at the stairs not wanting anyone to hear him.

"You're going to lose everything over that twit aren't you? You're going to give up, your real life for a life of pain and suffering. Not to mention death?" Ichiru replies.

"No, Just, please. Not now." Zero says.

They both go up to say goodnight to ZJ. Afterward, Ichiru goes home leaving Zero to face the music.

"I know your upset. I'm sorry." Zero states.

Both of us now in our bedroom getting ready for bed.

"You just upped and left with her, you didn't even tell me. Why is she here? To take you away isn't she?" I say just taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

"She just came to make sure I was ok. She always wondered if I was happy here. If everything was the way I wanted." Zero admits.

"What did you tell her? That you always dream of her? That you want her? That I can never fill her shoes?" I shout.

"That's not true or how I really feel. I love our life. I love you. I told her I was happy here."Zero answers.

"She kissed you. You didn't push her away Zero. I saw you embraced it. Its what you always wanted." I cry.

Zero coming over to me sitting down next to me putting his arms around me.

"I was confused, and I went for the kiss. It didn't mean anything. "Zero states.

"Where were you all these hours? Why didn't you call me? Tell me?" I yell.

"We went back to her hotel. We sat there and talked, we had a lot to catch up on. I lost track of time. I am sorry to make you worry like this." Zero replies.

"When is she going back?" I ask.

"I don't know," Zero says.

"Are you going with her?" I ask.

"No." He replies.

Even after hearing him say no, I wasn't so sure. He was hiding something just not telling me. This made no sense to me. He was trying to console me yet, I could see something inside him holding back. His answers were short and to the point. Like they were rehearsed, planned. He didn't tell me everything at all. Was it to save me from hurt? I didn't know. I just wasn't sure if he really was going to stay or not. I was so hurt, I could barely breathe, even with his arms wrapped around me, trying to reassure me, I felt nothing but pain. I should believe him, but I don't.

Any other time, he would have called. He would have come home earlier. In all the years, I know him, he has never done this. Only when she reappears. He went back to her Hotel to "talk" yea my ass. Why couldn't he talk at the office? Where everyone could see?

I laid there all night thinking about all kinds of things. Even though he was laying next to me. I know he wasn't sleeping either. He was probably thinking about her. It was all her.

I guess in a way, I deserved it. He was her's after all. I had a good run more time than anyone could wish for. It didn't help me not to want more time. The sad part was, I still loved him the same way I did seven years ago. Just did he feel the same? Or was he leaving me for her?