Chapter 6

I snuggle up to his warm body, not wanting to ever let go. He falls asleep, holding me close to him. I want to tell him the truth, but there is something that stops me. Kaien's words run over and over in my mind.

" Do you think he will love you?"

That hurts me more than you could know. It wasn't fair that a woman, that loved him truly and fully, he wouldn't see. Yet, one that played with his heart and mind he would. Then that wasn't just in anime. That was in real life as well. It just hurt. I was willing to leave everything to be his. I just wasn't sure, if he would feel the same. If he would still be in love with this twit, that couldn't make up her mind to save herself, Or care for me?.

Would I hate Yuki if it wasn't for Zero? No, Not really. She wasn't a bad person. She did have some good points. She was caring and good. Just she really needed to grow up and make up her mind. Even When Kaname wasn't there anymore, she still took forever to be with Zero. Yea the pureblood shit, there was always something. I know. I know. It just gets old.

I knew things would have to take place in the Anime for Zero to move on. The part about Zero drinking Ichuri dry had to take place so he would be able to live. What was the point if he would turn level E and Die? That isn't what I wanted. I knew for some parts to happen, that might mean I would return to my world.

I just look up at him, taking in how gorgeous he is, and hug him tighter. I just wanted him to know the truth in the case that happened. I didn't want Yuki to get the benefit of my feelings. Or for him to think, I left him. Would I be able to tell him face to face? I doubted it, but I would have to try. If when I would go back, Yuki would have no idea and would hurt him even more. I couldn't let that happen. I didn't want him hurt.

I just laid there all night not falling asleep. Just holding him and enjoying being close to him. Even when he was being an ass, I still loved him. I knew he was hurt and things that happened to him wasn't fair. I understood why he was the way he was.

When morning comes, Zero wakes up in my arms. I just kiss his lips tenderly. Smiling up at him, tears rolling down my cheeks. I just can't help but fear, he will hate me.

"Yuki what is wrong? Why are you crying?" Zero asks.

"I have something to tell you. I am not sure. How you're going to take it. Or even believe it." I say.

"Just tell me. You know I am here for you." Zero answers.

I sit up in bed, on the opposite side and look straight at him. He isn't making this any easier. He is holding my hands and looking back at me so sweetly.

"Zero, The last four weeks have been incredible for me. Everything we have shared, I want you to know is true. None of it is a lie." I state.

"I know. Are you changing your mind? You're going to him aren't you?" Zero snaps.

"No, None of that. Zero, I'm not Yuki." I answer.

"What do you mean Not Yuki? Is this a game? WTF?" Zero huffs.

"Calm your sarcastic ass for a second. Look, four weeks ago, I was in my own universe. I was thinking about you all the time. Wanting to be with you. Just in my universe your not real. It could never be. I went to bed with you on my mind and winded up in Yuki's body. I thought it was a dream. That No matter what I did, it wouldn't matter. I would wake up and it would be over. So I played her. I made love with you. Something I dreamed of for a long time. Just I haven't gone back into my world yet. Kaien knows and told me things have to happen here so that probably means, I won't be here much longer. I don't want you to think that any of that was a lie. Or that when Yuki returns, she changed her mind. It's not her. It's me!" I blurt out.

"Who the hell are you? WHere IS YUKI?" Zero says standing up out of the bed to put his clothes on.

It figures he thinks about Yuki. I have been screwing his brains out for four weeks, and he thinks of her. Thanks. I say in my own head.

" I am Alexa. I don't know where Yuki is. I think she is probably back in my world in my body. It's the only thing. I can think." I answer.

"God Is she ok? So this whole time you been playing me? Playing to be her?" Zero snaps.

" I am not playing you. I love you. I never lied about that. My feelings are true. I guess. I have been playing her in a way, but you had to notice the difference. I am nothing like her. I know your smarter than that Zero. I asked you last night if you been happy. And you said yes, that we get along better now than ever. That you liked this new me. You saw it. You felt how much I care. The sex is real, what I do to you is real." I reply.

"I don't know what the fuck is real anymore. I am going to class and I want you out of my bed. I will go to Kaien after class. I have to see how to get Yuki back here." Zero shouts.

"Fucking Yuki. Is that all you ever see? Did she ever treat you right? Give to you what I have? NO! All she does is hurt you. Ignore your feelings and run after Kaname. Who she isn't true to either. She played you both if you think about it. ANd let me tell you You're not going to like the future. She only hurts you over and over again. Just your too damn good and you let it go. You don't want me? That's fine. Just think about yourself. If you want to live in Kaname's shadow for the rest of your life. Because when she comes back, it's back to the way it was. Back to her crying whining ways. Back to her obsessing over Kaname. Where I only see you. The last four weeks, There was only you!."I shout.

Zero doesn't know what to say, he gets dressed and walks out. Where I am left on his bed feeling terrible. Truth? Was it really all its made out to be? Sometimes it only hurts the ones we love. Sometimes it only makes things worse. I take a deep breath, heading to the showers, where I just fall apart. After all that, I still lost to her. I just close my eyes and cry.

After my pity party, I get dried and dressed. Not even heading to class. Why? I wasn't a student. I just walk the grounds and think.

After class Zero goes to see Kaien. He wants to see if anything I said was even true.

Zero bursts through Kaien office, slamming his fists on the wooden desk again.

"Is what she says true?" Zero demands.

"Yes. I knew it right away. Zero You had to as well." Kaien says seriously.

"Why didn't you tell me. How do get Yuki Back?" Zero asks.

"There wasn't much to say. You were happy for once in your life. I let it go. I know she will go back to her world and Yuki will return. You may never see her again. Is that what you want?" Kaien asks.

"I am not sure what I want. I am not even sure what the fuck is going on." Zero snaps.

"I know. She cared for you so much, she appeared in our world as something you wanted more than anything. She wanted to make you happy. Being Yuki was that."Kaien answers.

"So she does care? it's not all a lie?" Zero says.

"No, it's not a lie at all. She should have told you sooner, but I see why she hasn't. Do you regret the last few weeks?" Kaien asks.

"No, I enjoyed them. She makes me laugh, she takes care of me. She makes me feel like no one before, but I don't know if that's real or not. I thought she was Yuki." Zero replies.

"I guess it doesn't matter either way. She will return to her world. It will be over." Kaien states.

"Just like that?" Zero says.

"Just like that, the way she entered is the way she will leave," Kaien responds.

Zero doesn't stay long, he runs out the door. Looking for Alexa. He runs all over the grounds searching for her. Finding her sitting on the roof, where they sit every night.

"Is it still you?"Zero asks.

"At the moment yea. I am sorry Zero. It got more complicated as it went on. So much for a dream huh?" I say.

"Is that what you wanted it to be?" Zero asks.

"No, not really. No matter what you think, I really want to be with you. I wrote you a note on the second day. I was here. I thought once I went to sleep, I would wake up in my own bed. I didn't want you to think, that night was a mistake, so I wrote you a note and put it in your desk. Which you still didn't find. So I guess, you don't really look through there much. Huh?" I laugh.

"No, I haven't had time. I have been too busy with you. I don't know how I feel. I am so confused." Zero answers.

"I understand that. I thank you for at least telling me that." I respond.

"So who are you In your own world," Zero asks.

" I am a customer service worker for a company, a wife and a mother," I reply.

"You have children? A Husband?" Zero snaps.

"Yea. I told you. I thought it was a dream, but even though it isn't. He never made me feel the way you do. The desire, want and love I feel for you. I never felt for anyone. Being here with you changed my life. When I go home, I can't be with someone, I don't feel this way towards." I respond.

"You can't give up your life for me. We may never see each other again." Zero answers.

"That may be true, but why live a lie? After feeling all this, it's hard to return." I comment.

"You miss your kids?" Zero asks.

"Yes, of course. I hope they are ok, but if Yuki is with them. I know she will take care of them. She won't hurt them. I know she is good like that. Zero I know this is pre-written out for you. I just want you to think about if you really love her. If she is really good for you? Don't you want to be someones only? Someones first thought? You deserve so much better. You're the kindness sweetness man I ever met."I remark.

"I will think about it. You were willing to stay here and give up your life for me?" Zero asks.

"Yes, I know that has to sound crazy. But I am happy here with you. Who wouldn't want to start there life over with someone they loved? Someone they knew would be loyal to them. Protect them? It's really hard to find in real life. It's hard to say goodbye to my family that would be the only part. I would really miss." I reply.

"This is all too much." Zero answers.

"I bet," I say.

"I'm going back to my room. I need time to think." Zero remarks.

"If I'm not here in the morning. I want you to know I love you, and I always will." I say.

Tears streaming down my face. Doing my best to keep myself together. When all I want to do is run in his arms. I just know he needs time. Which we don't have, I just don't push.

He just looks at me, not sure what to do. His own emotions playing with him. He knows if he walks away, it may be the last time he sees me. He just isn't good with words or feelings. He nods and walks away going to his room. Not willing to let himself believe, that he could love someone other than Yuki.

He sits in bed just thinking about the last four weeks. How happy he has been. How Kaname hasn't been a problem. How the person he has been with makes him feel alive. He also thinks about Yuki, how she is doing? Where is she? Is she scared? His emotions are over the top.

I go back to my dorm room, where I haven't spent much time at all. It feels weird being here. I miss him so much already, and it's only been minutes. I feel terrible inside. I want to hold him, be with him. I just know better than to go to his dorm. He needs time. He may not really care for me after all. I thought I could make him happy. Make him see he was worth so much more. I guess, I didn't do anything at all, but hurt him more.

I get in my bed, wrapping myself up into a ball. Hurting more than any other time in my life. I try to get sleep but I can't. I get up and write about how I am feeling.

Zero,

I just wanted to say. How sorry I really am. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to make you happy. I wanted you to feel love. To see how it is to be someone's everything and only. I hope you can forgive me. I never thought it would get this far. I wish it was Me, Not Yuki. Not in her body. So you could see me for who I am, and just how much I truly love you. I will never forget you. I don't think. I could ever be with anyone else. I just hope that you choose to be with someone who shows you love. Who can give you everything you need and more. I hope your life is happy.

I love you, always and forever

Alexa.

I lay the note on my bedside table. Trying to get some sleep. Falling asleep with tears falling down my face.