Chapter 1: Allies

You know what really sucks, being kicked out of your castle by the military. I was just minding my own business toiling away in the library when a bloody minotaur broke down my door and forcibly removed me from my home, he was a general of sorts but what gave him the right to use my castle as a defensive point in his battle!

But I'm getting besides myself, I am Malicious Diamondback, a great and powerful sorcerer. I may lack a few basic things like skin, or flesh, or organs, or anything other than bones really, unlike most skeletons though I do have some nice horns to distinguish me. And I say great and powerful but I may be exaggerating just a bit. I'm quite proficient in magic! but I've never really been in a fight before. And now I am just a bit homeless.

No idea who they were even fighting but I hope whoever it is doesn't mess up my castle before I get it back. I managed to take some books on magic with me so I can learn my craft better while away. however I left a lot of my shit at home and it better still be there when I return.

The town I'm currently in isn't very big and is stationed on the surface, oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I live deep underground, like very deep. Well, lived. But regardless this town is a real shithole, people don't really settle down here cause all the actions in the caverns below, but there are a hefty amount of adventurers and others of the such that pass through on their way down.

I guess I could stay here for a bit, they could do with the patronage but I refused to let the castle that I rightfully found and claimed as my own to be the product of a battle I care nothing for!

But how to go about doing that…

…

…

I know!

Allies, a group of trustworthy and powerful allies to help kick the military out of my house! I even know who my first ally will be! Amanda, she can help me, no wait, she absolutely can't. Amanda is an druid and an elf who should also be in this town… however she's a hardcore pacifist and sucks at magic, all she knows is light. She would probably help me out of principal but she wouldn't actually be able to help much since i can already see in the dark. Although i am a horned skeleton walking around in a purple cloak, and despite the magical elements of the world i am not what one might consider normal, most moving skeletons are just constructs used by necromancers, not sentient and only exist about an hour so I'm a special sight indeed! So I guess Amanda could help with the whole people aspect but beyond that she would probably get beaten by a slime in a fight.

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Amanda was much like all elves, exceptionally beautiful with long blonde hair, pointy ears and exceptional figure. She was also cursed to always have mushrooms on her head, they just sprouted out from random parts of her scalp and when removed would just grow back. She didn't seem to mind though and they added a certain wild charm to her which she embraced. She made a lot of male adventurers weak at the knees but none stood a chance due to certain conflict of interest, that being she was just not interested in men.

She was just going about her business that morning when a hollow knock at the door occurred, for her it was easy to notice who it was, after all most people's hands against wood didn't make that kind of rattle afterwards. She opened the door to greet her strange friend, the door opened outwards to reveal a skeleton with horns reaching from his brow to the back of his head. He wore a purple cloak that shifted between pigments and housed a light blue jewel clipping the hood, he also had his hellhound to his side, an adorable little thing that resembled a German shepherd with some fur replaced with fire. The mans lanky figure towered over her and due to his demonic appearance most people would find him a bit creepy but Amanda new better than most that while this skeletal gent boasted his strength and power he was entirely harmless, he knew some magic for sure but he was a good guy despite his own view of himself.

Malicious spoke first with a voice that was both ridiculous sounding and perfectly fitting.

"Amanda! It's good to see you, how have you been?"

He spoke loudly even though he was only 3ft away

"Good, for the most part, so what are you doing this far up?"

"Well there were some complications with the military and they've taken my castle as a base of operation in some fight."

Like always Malicious was extremely blunt about everything, Amanda knew it was hard to show emotion with no muscles or face but he didn't have to say everything so matter of factly did he?

"That's um… quite the situation you're in… so did you want to stay here or something?"

"Oh no i want your help to fight the military and reclaim my castle"

Once again so matter of fact like this was a normal thing to request.

"Uh…" Amanda didn't know what to do, on one hand she wouldn't fight the military but on the other Malicious was a good friend of hers and she wouldn't want him to go at it alone. She quickly realised that he would absolutely do this with or without her and maybe she could help him not get arrested or killed, well killed being subjective considering his… condition.

It took her a minute but she eventually told him

"Um, sure I guess, I wouldn't want you to do anything stupid down there and you don't exactly have the most… people pleasing face, we wouldn't want someone to attack you thinking your a monster or something."

She was very conflicted and unsure about this but what's the worst that could happen…

Oh gods.

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Malicious had successfully precured his first ally and her bird but he was going to need more if he was going to retake his home and where's the best place to get an adventurer, a tavern.

The tavern was probably the most populated building at any given time due to the abundance of adventurers, mercenaries and bounty hunters, it's just a great place to make friends who you could die fighting monsters with.

Malicious knew though that the pickings would be slim cause most people in taverns either had a party or just formed one, but one person caught his eye. Sitting alone at the bar was a small goblin man of about 2ft, his head barely reached over the bar on the high chair but he was certainly someone fearsome and competent thought Malicious. He bore a sheathed dagger on his side and wore very roguish clothes, surely he was a renowned thief of untold calibre!

Malicious approached the man with a swagger but Amanda quickly stopped him before he drew too much attention. So Malicious approached the goblin normally.

As the goblin was drinking ale at 10 am the skeleton sat down next to him and ordered a meal. The goblin glanced over then looked back to his drink. And as if processing what he just saw took a double take and saw a skeleton with horns ordering food at a bar. He quickly uttered-

"What the fuck?" posed less as surprised and more like a legitimate question.

The skeleton turned to him and in his ridiculous but fitting voice said-

"Me the fuck goblin man. I am Malicious Diamondback! A powerful sorcerer and tamer of this magnificent beast!"

He then held up a hellhound pup which would be scary if it was fully grown but for the time being was just utterly adorable.

Amanda always took notice that Malicious only ever spoke with emotion when introducing himself or talking to or about his dog.

The goblin was a bit confused at his enthusiastic declaration of his name but regardless continued conversing with him.

"I'm Jeffory, I'm a bard and that doesn't explain what you exactly are."

"I'm a Malicious Diamondback, a powerful sorcerer and tamer of this magnificent beast, also a skeleton."

Now he was back to matter of fact

"...

…

…

Right…"

He then turned back to his drink and seemed to hope the conversation wouldn't continue.

Malicious quickly dashed those hopes.

"So my good man, would you be interested in kicking the government out of a castle several miles below the surface."

Everything Jeffory heard from him was completely looney but the way he said it was so normal. It was unnatural and confusing but in some ways comedic.

"So what do you say my good man, want to beat up a minotaur who lives in my house now"

Amanda interjected stating-

"Wait no, maybe not beat up, we could use diplomacy and reason with them."

Malicious turned her way and just said

"No, that sounds boring."

Amanda then realised that despite having effectively memorised thousands of books Malicious was very dumb.

Jeffory was still partially processing the strange request but surprisingly told the skeleton-

"Sure man."

Malicious then pumped his fist in victory, which made a slight rattle, and then turned to the bar to grab the meal that just arrived, however not being able to eat he dropped it on the floor for his dog.

Then Malicious started to process something Jeffory said, did he say he was a bard, no he must have imagined it. After all there was no instrument in sight. As he thought this his eyes caught a set of bagpipes slumped on the floor below the goblin. Malicious then realised he'd made a great mistake.