chapter 29

If there was one thing Jason had learned, it was that no matter how badass and genetically modified you made yourself to be to shrug off bullet wounds, there was no correct course of action for sleeping upright in an uncomfortable chair with multiple broken bones.

Something that Dr. Chakwas foresaw and had a dose of painkillers on hand and the motherly advice that simply knew better than to cluck her tongue in front of him after he made sure that Joker was properly motivated (read threatened with a future occupation as a quadriplegic with a male nurse and no extranet connection) to remain focused on piloting the Normandy as he gingerly made his way towards the medical bay, knowing that he need at least another twenty-four hours to make a complete recovery from this.

Then again, John had gotten a high priority message from Admiral Hackett, something about a lunar base, rouge VI and mission critical timeline, Jason simply figured that they would roll in with the Mako and the Grizzly, blast everything from afar and take out the numerous drones and rocket sentries the old fashioned way. Of course they were easily eight days away on top of that, more than enough time for everyone to lick their wounds and be ready for the next ground mission, then again Tali would be laid up for more than a week with her infection.

Though if his memory served, she would be building a tolerance to all the injuries and develop a natural resistance to infection over time, that and the carefully selected antibiotics and drugs would help with her tolerance, with no negative side effects.

It almost made him wonder what it would take for the Quarians to be cured of their weakened immune system, the Krogan sterility plague was cured in just a week in the third installment, multiple diseases and aliments of all species could be either fixed or cured. Then again when the end of galactic life as one knew it was coming to an abrupt and sudden end, that gave people the kind of incentive to perform miracles with the proper resources and technology.

"Should you really be up and moving?" Jason stopped his inner debate to realize that he was in the mess hall and Jane was sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee, "I should have ordered you to bed rest."

Jason simply arched a brow in her direction as he began moving around the self-serving kitchen area, "Though you would have simply ignored my order anyway."

"Of course," Jason smiled as he began gathering ingredients and pans, "I don't take well with authority Shepard."

Jane sighed as she took another sip of coffee, "It's Jane, we're off the clock and what are you doing now?"

"Cooking."

"I can see that, wait, are you making more cookies?" Jane sounded excited as she cast several glances around, "Make sure you give Juggernaut a couple because he had to beg Ashley for her last one and last I saw him, he was down in the cargo bay stripped to the waist helping her clean every single weapon and set of armor we had."

XXX

Jackson sneezed violently as he woke up from his nap, cleaning what amounted to every single weapon, omni-tool, engineer equipment and armor mod the ground team had ever scrounged left him with a noticeable level of respect for Williams, though he had claimed his prize in the end.

Thoughts of the long since eaten cookie brought a sad smile to his face, he could probably get some more if he asked (maybe forced would be a better word) Jason to whip up another batch as he set off to the Grizzly sitting next to the Mako to see what he could do.

"I know right…" Jackson's sensitive hearing could pick up some mumbling coming over from Ashley's workbench, "got a body to die for…I cannot say how I got them…top secret…no I am not telling you…"

Sneaking like a giant cat, Jackson was able to walk up right behind her and peer over her shoulder, seeing that Ashely was on her omni-tool chat page with what appeared to her sisters.

"Whatca doing?" Jackson asked.

Ashley abruptly jumped halfway to the ceiling of the cargo bay, a feat considered impossible for unmodified humans Jackson mused as he caught her before she crashed into the workbench, though his ears were still ringing from the hair raising screech that could do a banshee justice.

It was then he spotted the frozen images of himself stripped to the waist bent over the workbench from yesterday, furiously trying to clean a mysterious residue off a sidearm he'd never seen before.

"Are you selling pictures of my body for money?" Jackson growled as Ashely sweat dropped.

"Let her have it!" "Spank her!" "We regret nothing!" Jackson looked down to see three smiling faces, Ashley's younger sisters no doubt as he schooled his facial expression to reveal nothing as he loomed menacingly over the very nervous Gunnery Chief.

"She'll have to call you back," Jackson growled as he hit the End Call button with a jab from his finger, "you had me cleaning weapons and armor for your own scrapbook?"

Ashely Williams suddenly became very nervous as Jackson let out a signature cackling laugh as he cracked his neck.

"I did it for a cookie and yet you took liberties…"

XXX

"Are you alright Jason?"

Jason shook his head, "Thought I felt a sense of overwhelming righteous fury for a second, must have been my imagination."

"Okay?" Jane looked confused for a minute as she regained her composure, John sitting next to her having served himself another cup of coffee, "sometimes I think you are listening to the voices inside your head."

Ouch, even the great and powerful Jane Shepard thinks I have more than a few screws loose.

"I trust my instincts," Jason shrugged, "still alive today because I listen to them."

"I've seen them in action before," John drawled slowly, "right before you take a round to the head or get hit by an enemy sniper you either counter it or get out of the way."

Jane sighed, "Yes I know that, but what I want to know is where you learned to cook from scratch, it isn't exactly a common skill these days with everything prepackaged and precooked."

Time to read off the cover story script, page fifteen, paragraph nine.

"After we escaped," Jason knew without looking over his shoulder that both Jane and John were engrossed in his story already, "we spent a lot of time running around on fringe worlds, off the beaten path and usually in the Terminus where there wasn't exactly a super market close by. Most of what we ate was whatever we hunted or gathered, cooking soon became a handy talent to have when faced with either poisoning yourself or having a decent meal."

As he was talking, he was carefully stirring the ingredients and making sure the bread dough was rising properly, "Add that with the learning curve we both have, it wasn't long before we started making gourmet meals from crap, which came in real handy when we started moving around a lot more, heading to random worlds and stations where we could barely pay for passage."

"Figured you two would stowaway or steal ships," John raised his hands in a defensive gesture when Jason cast a glare in his direction, "you two don't strike me as the subtle types."

"You're half right, we did a lot more stowing away and sneaking onto freighters or passenger transports than we did paying for tickets," Jason relented, "stole a lot of stuff too."

Jane nearly choked on her coffee, "You guys robbed passengers?"

"No," Jason didn't know how to say that without sounding hurt, "that would have left witnesses and gotten what passed as the authorities on our trail, we took a lot of cargo shipment crates that were mostly unrefined food stores, the good stuff was locked up and harder to get too, so we took a case or two and cooked it up into something edible."

"Explains a lot," John mused, "still doesn't explain how you can cook dextro based meals."

Jason felt the tips of his ears getting red, "I used to watch a lot of cooking channel specials during the trips."

Stunned silence.

"What?" Jason asked as he spotted the open mouthed looks of shock from John, Jane, Alenko and even Dr. Chakwas who had arrived sometime during story time, "It wasn't like we had room or time to exercise or run around, that and it was the only thing interesting to watch for free on those long trips."

"That is a surprise," Jane muttered, "I thought you worked at a restaurant or something."

"A casino actually, I worked in the kitchen while Jackson worked security," again another figment of their history that could technically be traced back, even though the place didn't even exist anymore, "lasted about a month before we had to move on."

Feeling the questioning looks boring into the back of his head, Jason sighed, "I may have accidentally shoved a spatula down a health inspector's throat when he insulted my cooking."

Alenko smirked, "He had it coming I presume?"

"Yeah, damn elcor thought it was hilarious that a human was cooking dextro based foods, it took Jackson to pull me off the poor sap," Jason lifted his left hand and held his thumb and index finger half an inch apart, "I was this close to making the guy eat everything he knocked off the counter and it was around then the boss showed up and promptly fired me."

"I can see how kitchen implements can be a hazard in your hands," Dr. Chakwas replied as she took a seat, "judging from the way you cook, I'd venture a guess it was how you learned to make explosives?"

"Correct."

Jane laughed, "A man of many talents, superb biotic, experienced soldier, weapon technician, demolition expert, cross species medic and a decent cook, remind me to abuse my Spectre authority to keep him forever in the service onboard the Normandy."

"Done," John replied.

"Ha ha ha, very funny," Jason answered as he focused on his work, "I'm here all week."

Dr. Chakwas cleared her throat, "If you don't mind me asking, but what are you cooking?"

"A dextro based meal consisting of what amounts to boiled meats, some kind of vegetable loaded with enough protein to make a Thresher Maw steak look weak in comparison, a little bit of seasoning and a few other things." Jason shrugged.

"Might explain why it is inside of a glass box, must be a terrible smell," Alenko said as Jason felt his left eye twitch, "no offense."

It was actually inside the food preparation chamber so it could be sterilized and sealed inside of several nutrient paste tubes for Tali, even though about half of the batch would be going to Garrus so the poor guy wouldn't feel left out, but Jason was focused on getting the last part right instead of reprimanding Alenko, that and he didn't know what it would smell like.

Though from the databanks Glyph had, Jason had found the dextro based cuisine foods and downloaded those to his memory, to improve the quality of food for Garrus and Tali for one and he figured if he would ever have a chance at dating Tali, then he figured that it couldn't hurt to impress her with some cooking. Of course his plans would have a serious setback if he accidently poisoned her instead, which was why he took triple precautions and having a dextro based guinea pig that didn't need a sterilized environmental suit to stay alive in the event of food poisoning was handy to have.

"Garrus," Jason keyed his omni-tool to contact said Turain guinea pig in question, "I got some dextro based food up here for grabs if you want it."

XXX

ZOOM!

(A blur in the shape and color of a familiar Turain sniper could been seen bolting across the mess hall once the elevator opened.)

"Where? Where!" Everyone present face faulted at the sight of Garrus clinging to Jason's leg like a dog, panting happily as Jason filled a doggie bowl with a multi-colored mush and placed it on the floor in front of him.

"Here you go," Jason reached over and patted Garrus on top of the head, "dig in."

XXX

(Just kidding)

"This isn't bad," Garrus answered as everyone sitting around the table watching him slowly sample a spoonful of it, "got a powerful jolt to the taste buds and could use just a little bit more water, but I approve."

"Wow, I thought that you'd be picky or say how impossible it is for a levo species to get the recipe right." Jane said as Garrus finished chewing.

Garrus shrugged, "Isn't hard to do, I lack the patience for cooking though."

"Aren't you a sniper?" Alenko asked, "Where patience is a requirement to be a good one?"

Garrus turned to look at John, "Can you cook?"

Before John could even reply, Jane blurted, "No!"

"I can make an omelet," John frowned, "and toast."

Dr. Chakwas laughed, "An exceptional sniper and commander you are, but a chef you are not Shepard."

"What? I can cook," John said defensively until he noticed the withering glare coming from his wife, "sort of."

"Do I need to remind you of our honeymoon?" Everyone present began to sweat nervously as John groaned, banging his head against the table.

"It was one time drop it okay!"

"You managed to set the kitchenette on fire!" Jane replied.

"I still say the sprinkler system was purposely deactivated by the owners to reduce expenses, if it had activated then the hotel suite wouldn't have burned down!"

Heads were now turning back and forth to watch the heated banter, Garrus was the only one unperturbed and continued munching on his meal, later claiming that such behavior was the norm between John and Jane.

"At least I managed to save that expensive dress!"

Jane threw her hands up into the air, "That was after you tossed a flaming skillet out the front door into the face of the hotel manager!"

"How was I supposed to know he was gonna turn up in the most unlikely of places?"

"It gave him third degree burns and material for the lawsuit!"

"Big deal, I caught that bastard picking up chicks at a bar two months later claiming he picked them up from a slaver attack, so I did him a favor."

"THAT ISN'T THE POINT!"

"Wow," Jackson commented as he stood next to Jason watching the full blown argument erupt between the commanders, everyone else taking the chance to sneak away very slowly or taking the example set by Garrus and just ignoring it, "trouble in paradise?"

"Naw, I think he is purposely egging her on just to get a rise out of her," Jason answered before shrugging, "so what's new with you?"

Jackson beamed, "I caught Ashley putting clandestine pictures of me unawares into an omni message to her sisters, I think she likes me."

Sigh, still as clueless as ever.

"You don't say," the dry sarcastic tone was lost due to the yelling match over who managed to anger their current mother-in-law with their antics of traipsing around the house nude, "so what did you do?"

Judging from the way a disturbing giggle muffled by a series of chuckles and coughs managed to give Jackson a somewhat creepier aura, Jason decided that it wasn't in his best interest to know, though he could only hope that Ashley wouldn't have any long lasting effects from whatever mind game his twin pulled on her.

XXX

Meanwhile….in a place somewhere inside of Ashley William's mind….

Hehehe, Just kidding.

XXX

"As a gentleman I shall refrain from revealing my methods," the gleeful look in Jackson's eye told that Ashley would be needing some serious therapy sessions in the not so distant future, "whatca baking?"

"Homemade bread for the levo members of the crew, some goulash type dish for Garrus and a sterilized nutrient paste for Tali," Jason sighed when Jackson tried his best at the sad puppy expression, "and a plate of oatmeal cookies on the bottom shelf just for you."

"DIBS!" Everyone present watched as Jackson scrambled for the miniature stove, clearing the massive table, vaulting over three chairs and sliding across the floor to nab the plate loaded with easily two dozen of the largest cookies created by man before sliding into an empty chair in one smooth motion, happily devouring his first cookie.

"Can Jackson cook?" Alenko asked as he watched Jason finish cleaning up his mess, which amounted to placing the dishes and bowls in the automated dishwasher, "figured both of you would know how."

Memories of disastrous attempts resulting in actual kitchen fires, excessive smoke inhalation, visits to the hospital, food poisoning and leftovers that the family dog hadn't even touched when offered came to mind as Jason simply shook his head while Jackson continued to mow down cookies as fast as he could. Leaving the squabbling commanders and those still eating alone, Jason carefully climbed the stairs with four tubes of nutrient paste tucked under one arm, a small plate of prepared meat and cheese slices for Joker and what was fast becoming his favorite data pad.

Which contained most of his favorite soundtracks, a few movies and a large majority of his schematics and blueprints so he could browse over them while he waited for Tali to wake up.

"That was fast." Joker chimed as Jason took a seat next to the pilot.

"Here," Jason shoved the plate of food towards Joker, "figured you'd be hungry."

"Aw, you remind me of my doting mother bringing me a snack before bedtime before she would kiss my forehead and tuck in for the night," Joker laughed after Jason gave the man a sideways look, "naw just kidding, you're way uglier than my mother."

"Good to know."

Silence lasted until Joker finished eating, Jason making it a point to reach over with a napkin and dab at the crumbs clinging to the man's beard, just to add with the whole messing with everyone factor and to get back for the snarky comments from earlier.

"What's that?" Joker nodded his head towards the nutrient paste tubes, "Your newest for of energy drink granting any who consume it the key to immortality?"

Yet another future project.

"Food for Tali," Jason gestured towards the airlock, "figured that she would be starving when she finally woke up."

"That is so sweet." Jason rolled his eyes at the comment practically oozing with sarcasm.

"Keep it up Moreau and see if I ever bring you food ever again."

Joker gasped dramatically, clutching a hand near his heart, "That hurts, I have no idea why you talk to me like that, I just think it's cute that you brought her food."

"You know what else I think is cute? Shaving you while you sleep with help from the drugs I put in your food."

"Very funny," Joker stopped laughing when he noticed that Jason wasn't laughing either, "you didn't right?"

"Guess we'll never know."

"That is not funny, even as a joke, I worked hard on this beard and I would take a court martial for it."

"Something tells me that you already have."

"Eh, once or twice maybe."