8 Dumbfounded

I turn around slowly, not sure if I believed my ears.

It's Ethan, my sexy, rugged, Ethan, looking like a mixed bag of emotions in his eyes, but every other bit looks exactly like a man.

I'm not sure what happened first, my panties getting soaked or my heart attempting to beat out of my chest.

I stand dumbfounded, eyes wide and mouth open, wanting to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. I didn't only because Pa had informed me he came to California to find me.

PA!

"Hey, Ethan. Have you called and talked to Pa since yesterday?" I ask him, right off the bat.

"No, I've been looking for you. You wouldn't answer my calls after you left, so I came here instead to talk." He says gruffly.

Remembering what Pa had asked, I take a deep breath, "Well you can either follow me back to my place or ride with me. Either way, you'll get your talk." I take my keys out and walk to my car, Ethan follows and climbs in the passenger.

"I took an Uber here, so I'll ride with you." He says quietly.

I merely nod before driving back to my place. I walk into my little one bedroom apartment, put my keys up and go grab a bottle of wine and pour two glasses. We still have not said a word to each other and the atmosphere is heavy.

I can feel the sadness and longing, reaching for me, even with my back to him as I put the wine in the fridge and pick up the glasses. I turn and he's standing right next to my little table, a mere three feet away.

I hold out the glass, "Here you are going to want this, but before we talk, please call Pa. I promise we will talk afterwards."

I take a sip as he pulls out his phone and shrugs, "I forgot to bring my charger, it's been dead for a few days now, and I keep forgetting to pick up a new one. Can I use yours?"

I nod and hand him mine, "Of course."

He takes my phone and gives his Pa a call, taking a seat at the table. I walk out to the living room and remove my shoes so I can put them up on the sofa and relax my body as they throb from how busy the day was.

It doesn't take long before he's talking to Pa.

"Hey Pa. No, you are seeing that correctly, I'm with her at her place, we're going to talk. She was adamant I talk to you first. Sorry, if I worried you, my phone died and I don't have a charger. I keep forgetting to buy one when I was out grabbing something to eat or checking on something."

He goes quiet for a minute, and I turn slightly to watch him, as his Pa informs him of what's going on. I see the disbelief on his face, the fear, concern, the anxiousness. The grief and horror of what if, flashes across his face, quickly replaced by relief and concern.

I know he's a good man, especially when it comes to his grandpa.

"Do I need to come home, Pa? I'll take a flight back home and rent a car if I need to come back home. Just tell me what I should do." Ethan tells his grandpa to make the choice.

I already know what's going to come out of Grandpa's mouth though. So as Ethan looks up at me, and we lock eyes, I find what I know to be true.

Pa's not letting him come home until we've talked. Whether he comes back home with or without me, depends entirely on the truth of the matter.

I take a long gulp of my wine, not realizing I finished it off so quickly. I walk on my throbbing feet, grab the bottle and wet a towel with warm water, to sit back on the couch. I refill my glass as Ethan continues to talk to his Pa, ensuring he's being taken care of. I clean my feet with the warm towel, grab my lotion and proceed to massage my own feet to help with the throb.

I wipe my hands afterwards with the towel, take another sip of my wine and lay back, my eyes closed as my feet still throb.

I must have dozed off, cause next thing I know, my feet are being massaged in someone's lap.

In Ethan's lap. Ethan's here!

I startle awake, Ethan merely strengthening his grip on my foot, telling me, "It's okay. I could tell your feet were hurting. You dozed off, so I thought I would help you out."

My heart clenches at the thoughtful gesture, one of many he's always done out of consideration for me.

I pull my feet from his grasp and sit up, "Thank you, but you don't have to do that. It will just put me to sleep when we need to talk, right?" I lean forward and refill my wine glass and top his off too. Setting the now empty bottle to the side.

The room has gone silent again, heavy with a million questions, but none have been asked yet. Unable to handle the silence between us, I decide to break it.

"Pa, he's okay today?" I ask the easy question, setting my wine glass down.

Ethan picks up his glass and takes a sip, "Yes. The caretaker is there with him at the moment. Apparently, the caretakers teenage son is helping out around the ranch, making sure the animals are fed and watered and their areas clean. So that takes care of the animals, for four days out of the week. I'm going to have to give someone else a call to help out the other days, until I get back."

I nod, "Good, he's found some help. Honestly, I almost packed up and drove back yesterday to go take care of him myself, when he told me you were not there."

Ethan pulls a face like a bad taste entered his mouth, "You'd go back to take care of my grandpa, but not to talk to me?"

He sits up a little straighter and turns to face me, hurt and confusion line his face as he starts off, "I'm really confused Samantha. I have been trying to think of what I did to you that hurt you so badly that I deserved this out of the blue?"

I take a few deep breaths and start off, "Do you remember about a month and half ago, on Wednesday afternoon, who you were talking to over the phone while it was on speaker? The female?"

Ethan turns more confused, saying slowly, "Yes, I was talking to Dawn. What about it?"

At least he didn't lie to me and now I know her name.

My heart tightens and the black hole widens, as he acts like it was no big deal.

He holds up a hand, "Wait, why were you eavesdropping on that conversation? I thought you were working out in the barn with the horses at that time?"

Tears well up in my eyes, and I feel the scowl that covers my face, "I needed to talk to you about something important then, but when I heard you telling her to 'stop being so bad. Don't make me spank you', and her giggling response of, 'oh really?' like it was a welcomed invitation, I couldn't tell you. I just turned around and thought about what to do."

I wipe my eyes with my hands, continuing on through my choked sobs, "I was not going to stay and be made a fool of. I've already been promised the moon by my ex before you, and he ended up being a lying, cheating bastard." I breathed in slowly, trying to control my emotions as my sentences became more difficult to say, "I couldn't .... tell you .... what was going on through my ... head when I thought... I thought, how you might react.... So, ... I made my choice.... to pack up and leave,.... regardless if I was or not." My tears flowed freely, unrestrained, having to relive the painful emotions that were and still in me.

Ethan leans forward closer to me, "How was I making you to be a fool? What couldn't you tell me? If you were or not what, exactly? I am missing something here, Samantha. Please explain what I am missing here." Ethan pleads.

I take a sip of my wine, then a gulp. I let out a audible breath, watching my hands in my lap. "You remember when I had to go get my new implant and it moved out of place?"

Ethan draws out his answer, "Yes... you had to get it removed and then a new one put in a few weeks later. What about it?"

"I had not started my period and I was over a month late." I look up at him this time to gauge his reactions.

His face is blank as he stares at me. He blinks and shakes his head, "You thought there was a chance you were pregnant?"

I nod, tears flowing more freely now.

He lifts a hand out towards me, hesitates and then places it in my hands. "Are you?" He asks, serious but not showing any other emotion.

I shake my head, tears falling faster down my face, "No. It started the day after I left."

Ethan squeezes my hands, "Oh."

Sobbing, I say what is bothering me, "Part of me was relieved, cause you were talking to another woman like that. I don't want to raise a child in a dysfunctional home. The bigger part of me though, really was hoping I was, because it would have been our baby. My piece of you, even if you were with someone else."

I raise my hands to my eyes, covering my face as I sobbed. I hear him get up and I'm thinking he's going to leave. He did get his answers after all.

A few seconds later, his weight falls back on the couch, right beside me, and he wraps an arm around me, pulling me tight against his chest. He has another towel in his other hand and offers it to me.

He's quiet, just letting me cry as he holds me, his chest rising and falling in short breaths. Finally, he speaks up, "I'm sorry you were so disappointed about that, Sam. However, you took what I said out of context. Dawn is my best friends wife and she's also my cousin from my dad's side of the family. That was just us teasing each other."