webnovel

He couldn't breathe

All he felt was cold. An icy feeling that surged through his lungs like water. He couldn't breathe. No matter how much he told his lungs to do so, all he could do is give into the pain and let go. He was drowning. Deeper and deeper into the dim darkness. He finally gave up. Every hero's story has an ending, I guess this is his. This is what he gets for trying to be a hero.

...

The boy awoken to sand in his mouth. Still not being able to breathe because of the water inside of him. His face turned white and purple as he started to cough out and throw up water. "What was my name? Where am I from? How old am I? Why was I just drowning? Where am I now?" These thoughts started to buzz through his head like bees. He clenched the sand as something popped up into his head. "Lucyndth." Of course, he had no idea what that meant or who it could possibly be, but he liked how it rolled off his tongue. He continued to repeat this name. "Lucyndth. Lucyndth…" until his tongue became numb. "That's my name….my name is Lucyndth...I think. Lucyndth is now my name!" he declared. Lucyndth had no idea where or how he came up with this name, but for some reason it sounded pleasant to his ears. He liked the way each letter rolled up his throat and out his mouth. But just because he has a name, doesn't mean he knows where he is. Let alone who he is.

Lucyndth took very short breaths because his lungs were in pain. His ears were ringing along to the crashing waves behind him. It was like an annoying melody that wouldn't go away. Lucyndth attempted to stand up, stumbling forward. Once he managed to get up he looked around him and noticed that it was night outside. The stars twinkled and the moon shined bright. The moon seemed to be smiling, as if it was mocking Lucyndth, while the stars laughed along. Lucyndth hated this very much. Not the stars or the moon, but the annoying melody ringing in his ears, it seemed like something that wouldn't bother anyone as much, but to him it was as though the ocean was whispering in his ears trying to get him to listen. He had to get away. He covered his ears and put his head down. As he started to look down he noticed that he was wearing a thin translucent robe. Again, I mention that it is translucent and not transparent, meaning that his body was still well covered but you can still clearly see his chest and his thighs down. His robe started to role of his shoulders, so he pulled it up and re-tied the ribbon. It was quite beautiful, the silk fluttered around him as it was drying. It was soft, yet it didn't seem like something someone would wear as a nightgown, but as something that they could where to somewhere important. There were imprints of cherry blossoms that went from the bottom and slowly started to fade as they went up the robe. Lucyndth had no idea why he was mesmerized by it, but who wouldn't be? It was something that looked like it could be worn by someone who is respected, it was classy yet comfortable. He was looking at it for a good fifteen minutes before the wind blew against his back and he felt his hair flow against his face. "Hair?" he said out loud. Lucyndth still didn't know of his physical appearance yet. He ran to the water which had calmed down and looked at his reflection. He took one glance and stumbled backwards. He couldn't believe his eyes.

I love constructive criticism when it comes to my stories. Please tell if I could make something better and if the story line makes sense or not. Also, if the chapters are too short, tell me so. Don't think you're being to harsh, go one and comment, tell me what I need to work on!

KingMojidorizcreators' thoughts