Defeated!

The countdown began, but not the one by the system. No, this was the countdown in my head, ticking away like an over-caffeinated woodpecker.

With all the ogres eliminated, it was time to face the shiksas. Boose!

I took to the sky to check their positions, feeling a bit like a deranged bird-watcher. There were five shiksas, each looking more menacing than me-this Shiksa ever looked.

I had a plan, well, more like a half-baked idea…but it was all I had.

I made my shiksa fly up, aiming for the perfect vantage point. Suddenly, BAM! A gunshot rang out. Next thing I knew, I was kissing the ground, wondering if I'd missed something.

My lifeline bar dropped to three out of four. "Seriously?" "Did a shiksa just shoot me? Couldn't it see I look like her and perhaps be deceived that we're on the same team? F**k!"

Guess I forgot these were the shiksas set in their best mode, not your so worthless one - Me.

Determined not to meet my virtual or real lifetime demise, I took off running again immediately I bounced back to life.

I remembered spotting one shiksa dangerously close to the ogre field on the left. It was risky, but hey, what's a game without a little danger?

Sprinting like I was late for a Black Friday sale, I reached the left axis. There it was, a door, with a step leading up to it, and next to it, a rake. And to the right? A filthy pool that looked like it was the ogres' communal drinking fountain. Gross!

Just then, pew, pew, pew! Bullets whizzed past me. The shiksa I was after had opened fire. "Great, just what I needed."

I had two choices: get shot or dive into the disgusting pool. I chose the latter, praying I wouldn't contract some virtual disease. Haha!

I dived into the muck, shiksa, splashing into water that smelled worse than a gym sock left in a locker for a month.

As I submerged in the murky depths, I couldn't help but think, "This game might be intense, but at least it's never boring!"

I emerged from the mucky pool, reeking like a forgotten gym sock, I knew I was in for a rollercoaster ride. The ogres were out of the picture, but now I had to wrangle with these pesky shiksas, and there were five of them. Five. Talk about overkill.

The muck slid off my body like jelly on a hot plate—it was a default move programmed into the avatar to wriggle dirt, water or….well...

With a mental eye-roll, I took off running, my feet pounding the ground like a tap-dancing elephant on a sugar rush. I had to snag those gems before those other Shiksas did, or I'd be toast.

The thing was, there were two ways I'd choose to play this particular round. Either I had to defeat these Shiksas and then scavenge the ogre field for the gems—which, let's be real, was as likely as finding a unicorn in a haystack.

Or, I could channel my inner thief and sneak around like a shadow in the night to get the gems, not needing to fight the shiksas.

If only Shiksa would let me take the lead, I could be the brains and she could be the brawn. Ah, who was I kidding? She'd probably trip over her own feet chasing her own tail.

Spotting a glimmer of red among the tree roots, I felt a surge of excitement. One gem down, two to go! But before I could even say "treasure hunt," one of those other shiksas swooped down like a hawk on a field mouse and tackled me to the ground.

How did she move so damn fast?

Before I knew it, I was face-first in the dirt, with her knees digging into my back. Ouch! Was she seriously kneeling on me? Flying one minute, and then bam! Kneeling like she was auditioning for a medieval reenactment.

And let me tell you, it was about as comfortable as a porcupine hug. Couldn't feel it but Shiksa could confess.

As she finally let me up, I staggered to my feet, trying to shake off the dizziness. But before I could even catch my breath, she was diving at me again, both of us careening through the air like a pair of malfunctioning drones.

"Oof!" I hit the ground faster than a meteor crashing into a tree.

Rubbing my bruised ego mentally, I scrambled to my feet, ready to take on these Shiksas with all the grace and finesse of a bull in a china shop. Or maybe I'd just stumble around like a toddler in a toy store. Either way, it was going to be one heck of a ride.

As I struggled to regain my balance, the shiksa who had dived on me came at me again, this time with a jump. We collided, forming a bizarre ball of limbs that rolled off in a direction I couldn't quite discern. All I knew was that I was in trouble.

Suddenly, my lifeline bar dropped faster than a lead balloon. How could this shiksa beat me up just by kneeling and jumping and diving on me? Was she secretly a ninja in disguise or just a glitch in the system?

Either way, it was humiliating.

As we tumbled around like a pair of sumo wrestlers in a bottle factory, I couldn't help but wonder if Shiksas were really as powerful as they were cracked up to be.

I mean, shouldn't it take a shiksa to beat another shiksa? Pfft!.

The whole of these Shiksas couldn't even beat MK with just diving, jumping, and kneeling. Impossible! But here I was, losing bars by just being dived at and knelt on. "Shame on you, Shiksa!"

Summoning every ounce of courage, I did what any self-respecting virtual hero would do: I ran like my life depended on it. Because, well, it did.

As I dashed away, Shiksa's signature one-liner, "Ah-ha!" played in my head, adding insult to injury.

Suddenly, I found myself back near the door and the rake, with the glimmer of red from the root of a tree opposite the door. But the shiksa who had attacked me was nowhere to be seen. So, without hesitation, I ran towards the route, hoping to make some progress.

As I sprinted, bullets whizzed past me, forcing me to dodge like a professional dodgeball player by sliding and jumping. It was tough!

I wondered when I would get a chance to shoot back. But for now, I had to focus on finding cover. And that's when I spotted it: a pile of hay, stacked up like a makeshift fortress. If I could just reach it, I could take my position and turn the tables on those pesky Shiksas.

Dodging bullets and shiksas like a pro, I made a mental note to send a thank you card to the system for letting me know that running and jumping added up to points.

[Points Waxed Up To Bonus Skill]

[Invisibility Activated]

And just as my points maxed out, a notification popped up, informing me that I could now use the bonus skill: invisibility. But how did I activate it? Did I just think about it and then *poof* I disappeared?

With a mixture of excitement and trepidation, I focused on the idea of invisibility. And just like that, I stopped dead in my tracks, invisible to the naked eye. It was exhilarating!

Peeking back, I saw the Shiksas who were once shooting at me, oblivious to my presence. It was time to turn the tables.

Flying up into the sky, I took aim at the shiksa who had beaten me up earlier. With a mental command, I conjured up a virtual gun and fired at least four times, watching with satisfaction as she plummeted to the ground, her lifeline bar diminishing with each hit.

Take that, worthless shiksa!

But my victory was short-lived. The other Shiksas had spotted me, and I knew I had to act fast.

Diving towards the pile of hay, I hid behind it just as another shiksa appeared. But to my horror, she was invisible too! And she had her sights set on the gem behind the hay.

Thinking quickly, I summoned all my courage and activated my invisibility once more. As she closed in on the gem, I made a daring move, darting out from behind the hay and grabbing it before she could react.

Victory was within my grasp!

But just as I thought I was in the clear, disaster struck. An unseen force sliced through the air, and suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my throat. I looked down to see a knife protruding from my chest. I was dead.

How? Where did the knife come from?

My lifeline bar had dwindled to just one bar, and I hadn't even managed to get a single gem. Defeated, I slumped to the ground, wondering where it all went wrong.