Ch.5: Father, Hallowed Be Thy Name...

"Whoa, it's time to get serious," I thought to myself, staring at the blue-lit chart in front of my eyes.

I quickly considered trying to fly.

I mean, I had figured out that since I'm the avatar and no one else is playing, I have to control myself with my thoughts.

Sadly, I couldn't fly, and don't ask me why—I had no freaking clue! But hey, that didn't mean I should be disappointed and lose my focus, right?

I decided I'd try running, mentally mapping out how I could reach the tree shade on the other side of the field while the ogre was in the middle.

"Alright, I'll just run round about the ogre and make sure I dodge every swing of his axe," I thought to myself.

As if the avatar could read my mind, Shiksa started running to the left.

But I could tell she wasn't moving as fast as I had hoped.

Why the heck not?!

[Hint: Actions affect your points, and frequent actions will increase the avatar's speed, etc.]

"Gee, thanks," I muttered sarcastically at the information. I was on the brink of death, and they chose now to tell me something this crucial?

Still, I was thankful for the tip because it gave me a crazy idea!

Following my thoughts, Shiksa started running in a curving path to the right, almost like she was drawing a half-circle around the ogre in the middle.

Yeah, my insane plan was to run circles around the ogre at least three times or so to build up speed and, you know, 'etc'! Hahaha!

As I finished half a circle, the ogre belted out its classic one-liner, "Who dares set foot in my field?" before taking another swing at me with its axe.

I started freaking out, but then, in a flash of genius (or desperation), I focused on making Shiksa slide out of harm's way.

Thank goodness she picked up on my brainwave, because she totally pulled it off, dodging the axe by a hair's breadth. I finally exhaled, not even realizing I had been holding my breath.

Holy cannoli, what in the world?!

My heart was thumping like a jackhammer at this point.

I knew the system had warned me about losing all my lives and kicking the bucket for real, but the only thing keeping me going was the hope that this was all some wild, wacky dream.

Even if I bit the dust in this crazy world, I'd wake up, snag my reward, and have a good laugh about this insane dream-turned-nightmare.

I just desperately clung to that freaking hope!

"Not gonna lie, this is turning into a ridiculous dance routine!" I thought to myself as I ran around the ogre in circles, trying to increase my speed.

It was like a never-ending game of tag, except the stakes were a lot higher than getting tagged. I was determined to make it through this absurd situation, even if it meant channeling my inner choreographer.

"Next up, pirouettes around the ogre!" I joked internally, laughing too internally at the absurdity of it all.

Okay, first off, don't believe what I said about being a choreographer. I have no idea about choreography—it was just a line I picked up while watching a Titan episode!

Back to the main deal: the ogre swung its axe again, but this time I slid to dodge it.

I started skimming through the other abilities Shiksa had that I could use in this game, because running and sliding didn't seem like enough.

In fact, what the heck am I saying? They weren't as a matter of fact enough!!!

In my mind, I decided to try flying and so in my thoughts I put my arms back and lifted them up, hoping Shiksa would comply. Unfortunately, it didn't work because that was the pose I usually used when I wanted to soar with other avatars like, MK.

But this time, Shiksa decided to be like other movies I've seen and flapped her arms instead, on her own accord.

Surprisingly, it worked!

I was levitating instead of touching the ground.

"Yeah, f*** yeah!" I thought happily but sadly and immediately I saw the ogre swing its axe again.

This time, I was just barely above the ogre so, its axe hit me again and sent me, Shiksa, crashing to the ground.

"What the f***?!" I screamed in my head, and then the system ran down my stats again, causing me to let out a frustrated sigh.

[Action: 35%

Points: 2

Lifeline: 1 /4]

Staring at my pathetic stats, I couldn't help but burst into hysterical laughter at heart.

I mean, come on! I'm a Titan champion, for crying out loud! My action rating should be sky-high, and my points should be through the roof. But here I am, barely scraping by with Shiksa, clinging to my last life like Mylo, our cat, on a screen door.

This was downright absurd!

I felt the urge to pull my hair out, but then I realized that Shiksa's gorgeous locks were now my own and also, I couldn't even act what wasn't programmed to be acted. Ouch!

Suddenly, the system's blue light showed, showing some information.

[Every ability has been unlocked fully by the number of action percentages except the bonus(es)]

Then, a catchy tune chimed in, signaling Shiksa's level-up. "Bouncing!" she exclaimed, and I couldn't help but feel a surge of enthusiasm. After all, I was in her body now, so her triumphs were mine, too.

I silenced her, moving her to start running with my thoughts—because, you know, I'm a control freak—but I thought, "At least we had reached 35%. Maybe I could actually pull this off?"

Nah, who was I kidding? I was totally doomed.

Pushing out all the negativity, I focused on the mission at hand. Shiksa began running in circles around the ogre, who was spinning like a confused top.

One circle, two circles, and then—just as the ogre was about to spew its signature one-liner—I slid under its axe.

With my freaky gamer brain, I calculated the timing of everything, positioning myself to fly. I crossed my heart (and my fingers), and even did the sign of the cross, 'cause hey, I believe in God who's the big guy up there, even if I'm just a gamer.

I thought to myself, "If I die, I die. After all, that's what this stupid game wanted right? That's why they put in an avatar labeled 'Worthless'."

But then, immediately I took off from the ground, I felt an energy underneath me, probably because I was in Shiksa's body.

As I lifted off the ground, I closed my eyes, and silently recited the Lord's Prayer in my head, 'cause why not?

"Father, hallowed be thy name..."

Suddenly, the ogre's axe swung, but miraculously, it didn't touch me. I was in the sky, and all I could think was, "What the actual f***?!"

That was so, so scary!!! Ha! But I made it.