A Varangians Life

 Fear not death for the hour of your doom is set and none may escape it.

~Volunga Saga, c.5

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Eivor " Dragons Kissed " Sigurdsson :

" Bahahaha, Lads are you hearing this? We're heading to the Wyvern Plains! " I laughed as I ran to my men who had been docked in Rome. A loud cheer came from the three hundred of them, all experienced cunts. Except for Sigrun that is, A miserable sod him, I think it was a him. Although I had remained unsure, the bastard never took off their helmet.

" Eivor finally has us doing something, the lazy bastard! " " HAHAHA, Instead of Dragons touched it should be LAZY CUNT! " " YOUR RIGHT, RIGURD! LAZY BASTARD EIVOR! " My men jeered in my direction a small smile on my face.

" Why don't you cunts stay quiet and head to the FUCKING SHIP! " I raised my voice causing my lads to stand up and leave the small tavern. The ship hadn't been far, it was a large Dromon. It was slow compared to a longship but far sturdier for the waters we would need to traverse. 

The fish market here had stunk like piss, my nose had to scrunch up each time I fucking paced this god-awful place. I do not find the attraction of this place but it seems my men did, a bunch of thick cunts the lot of them. 

" Can you believe the senate would allow such barbarians in a land as holy as this? " " Aye, barbarians the lot of them. " " The Senate should have them butchered, no place for them here. " The Roman people had always been very distrustful of us, the only one to show a small sense of trust was Ephesius. A powerful warrior if I had to say, even if that drunken monk smashed him in a duel each time.

No man has ever beaten him, the monk was too unpredictable. You couldn't predict a groin shot or a shoulder blow, they all looked the same to the naked eye. His moves seemed sluggish and amateurish and yet he could still land victory after victory.

And yet he stood here, still drinking on our ship. His longsword in his hand and his usual priestly attire, I had not understood how the man had not been dead sooner for he had a few battles during the collapse of cities. A large history of Rome was in the man's head, he had lived longer than most even as a drunkard.

Walking onto the ship I sat down on a stool, It would take a bit before we had set off. After all, we had to place all the supplies on the ship and ale, after all a good ship crew needs their drink. The Sails would set as the sun reached midday, something we had grown used to when we traveled the seas.

Merchants far from us were completely oblivious to our ships that had traveled between cities. My armor was new, gifted to me by Ephesius. Custom made to my liking, It had a large number of pockets that would allow me my fair share of the coin during raiding and a large pointed helmet with chainmail protecting my face. I had a two-handed axe, a one-handed and a shield. However, I had mainly used the one-handed and the two-handed as it allowed me to get most of my power out.

Sigrun was cowardly, always hiding behind his shield, and yet all the ladies had liked him. ' He was so mysterious, they always said. FUCK THOSE WHORES ' The cunt was nothing but a small, angry bastard. If he had the chance I'm sure he would have cut my cock off with how he eyed me every time.

That thought had always brought me shivers, and yet he never has, always saying, ' I saw no reason to. It would bring me no success. ' He was too much of a thinker than a warrior like me, he strategized instead of battled. He prayed instead of drinking, and he has remained a virgin since he was with me. 

I'm starting to believe he was an ERGI. The man had remained faithful to no one but the emperor, ' As if he would notice us. Only Ephesius seems to care. '

" Oy, Eivor. A letter for you! " Speak of the devil and he shall come, I saw Sigrun walk towards me a letter in hand. A red stamp, the Legion number of Ephesius was stamped on it.

Sighing, I ripped it open. Grabbing and unfolding the letter,

' Greetings,

 Change of orders for you lot, your too head for Athens. The Emperor rests his head there, Joining his forces to advance upon Yeen. My hawks have been speaking quite a lot on his activity, especially with this increased shipbuilding in Athens. Nonetheless, meet with Caesar and serve him as you lot have served me since you came to be.

Another thing, tell Sigrun they still owe me five bottles of wine. They were fucking expensive! He owes me a hundred aureus, that's with added fucking interest! VAPPA AC NEBULO! 

Sincerely, Your Legio

Ephesius. '

My eyes scanned the page a slight chuckle leaving my mouth, " FUCK! He knew of that! Where the fuck am I meant to scrounge up a hundred aureus! " I heard his shout behind me, a loud bang resounding.

The drunkard looked up before he returned to his drink, the man was simply too unbothered with life. Something I could not disagree with, there was nothing in life that should make you bothered. Except for a sword through your chest, then you should be bothered. 

" Calm down, Sigrun. We'll make that gold in no time, you don't need to worry. " I spoke as I folded the paper and lit it on fire with a torch, " Why the Fuck did you even sell his wine? " I turned to them as they checked their pouches.

They turned to me, " It was to make a few gold for our journey! I swear! " He raised his hands at me as he spoke a chuckle leaving my mouth at his panic. It was one of the rare times a man as calm as Sigrun would panic and I would take it in with all its glory.

" I believe you, do not worry. I'll pay off your debt but you owe me, even if I tell you to try and enter the Emperor's bed. " He nodded at me, good. I had doubts Sigrun was a cock swallower but he followed orders no matter what. That was what had made him my second in command.

" Very well, I'll try and enter the emperor's chambers. " The lad spoke with a somber tone causing a chuckle to leave. His head turned to me once more, as he saw down on the deck near me.

" Do you seriously believe I'd make you do that? Bahahaha" I slapped the lad on his back, a loud laugh leaving me, " I wouldn't make another man suck anyone's cock except mine. " I pointed towards mine a serious expression on my face.

Sigrun returned a concerned look in his eyes from what I could see, my face bursting into laughter causing Sigrun to release his naturally heavy sigh. I had never understood how he could sigh so loud and heavily. It didn't seem natural.

" Tell me Sigrun, has Rome been to your liking? " I looked towards them my eyebrow raised, my helmet swinging from my waist. 

" Aye, it has been fine. No one to my fancy except a few, most of them are pretentious cock swallowers. " A chuckle left their mouth and it had quite a feminine tone to it, a laugh leaving my mouth when I had heard it, " Something funny, lazy twat. " 

" Aye, your laugh sounds like a fucking woman! " I slapped his back a few times before standing up. It was time to get this ship started and rowing.

" OY, ALL YOU TWATS! GET THIS SHIP ROWING NOW! " I shouted at the top of my throat, men running atop the deck, some running under the deck to start rowing. It took only a few minutes for the ship to start moving backward out of the docks.

And voila, we were now out of Rome and in the expanse of Sothoryosi waters. A truly dangerous place to be, skirmishes with pirates had also started to become more and more common. However, they had mainly stayed away from more than two ships, due to our superior technology. Not really, but I'd like to think it was that.

The priest had now turned to stare off into the fucking sea, probably daydreaming about his ' good days '. He was an old fuck, but one I had enjoyed hanging around after all his stories had always been entertaining.

Even if they had been the babblings of a drunkard, they would have still held a slight truth. A truth from one of, if not arguably the best swordsman Rome will see. For even death had been defeated by him, a story he often told. The time he met a horseman, wearing a black cloak and stated his name as Damocles. A man who had come to collect an overdue stay by the drunkard.

The man had simply chuckled before preparing his sword for the clash with what he had assumed to be death himself, the man had charged on his horse his spear held high ready to strike upon the priest. Only for the strike to never land, as the being and his horse dissipated into smoke by a single swift strike.

It had occurred to him every time he reached a decade older since the man was twenty. He has been defeating death for thirty years, he himself speaks on his sword as ' The Resolute Sanctifier '. A blade that even death could not escape from its sins. 

I had challenged the man when he was forty-eight, stating I would be the one to kill him only for him to rebut " Death has fell before my blade, what could a coward like you do? One that hides behind his very armour. " I had simply taken it lightly only to be continuously put on my ass every time I had challenged him. 

I still do not know why he joined our crew, whether it was due to us being drunks or simply out of a random desire. We did not really know, but it does seem like he enjoys his daily chats with Sigrun, I never really hear or understand what they speak of.

They however seemed like good friends, something the crew had been to each other. Like brothers, no matter what, we would work it out like brothers. A fight that ends with one yielding, good times. It almost brings me to tears on our journey in Rome.

We had come here to seek glory and wealth and we have not even accomplished any of it, now being simple servants of this small empire in a world filled with dangers. Whether it be a close friend or a random snake in a forest. You could never know, it could even be incestuous Lions but that would be rare for I have not seen a single lion in these lands except the colosseum.

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Eivor and his crew seem like a chill lot, wonder what else they could do.