Force of Nature

The night is long and the moon stays constant as the only source of light in the Second Chamber of Worship. I am still here, burdened by my ineffable stubbornness while still trying to accomplish the impossible. Darkness sings to me in the night and the cold air has started to carry the tune of my frustrations, my palpable grunts bouncing right off the walls.

Advisca is perched on the steps outside; it is there he dwells in mulish silence as the self-appointed guardian of the chamber. My Thrinskar cannot be here with me. Master Totoya has disallowed his presence during my training, and so with a heavy heart, I have no choice but to continue on with my drills of the Fezenska Technique.

Somehow, in between casting each configuration, I find that the relentless vice on my heart doesn't desist in the slightest, though... if anything, I still feel phantom throbs of pain during my moments of reprieve. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result - this might be called insanity to some people, but what happens if my body learns to adapt in a way that's less harmed by the initial effect?

I ignore another bout of worry that zings through the spiritual bond with my Thrinskar. It's starting to feel like fire in my blood, but I know that Advisca's feelings are only the result of not being able to see me all day.

To make up for our lack of communication, my Thrinskar has been sending nonstop intrusive visions for the past couple of hours. 'Persistence,' is truly an apt name for him.

The worshippers of Rushing Water Temple have gone to their designated sleeping quarters known as the Domain of Dreams. It's a pleasant formation of jade and marble that sits next to a little pavilion. I imagine that's where Totoya is meditating right now, as she waits for me to successfully cast the Fezenska Technique.

I've managed to keep the Second Chamber of Worship in a state of suspension for some time now; this feat alone surprises me as I furiously channel the magic needed for this configuration, the veins in my neck jumping in protest from all the stressful activity.

But at least the incense stick in front of me hasn't felt the far-reaching presence of time; that's my one redeeming thought that drags me through this unending night. I've also begun to notice how the pain in my chest isn't so debilitating that I'm able to think straight, and for reasons I can't quite wrap my head around, this feels like more of an accomplishment than the magic configuration itself.

'Master?' Advisca pries into my mind again. Persistent as ever, my Thrinskar truly embodies his namesake.

He must feel how close I am to passing out. I don't acknowledge his panic nor do I put out the fire in his mind. I can only deal with my own internal battle. I am currently in control of the jarring force of spiritual energy within me right now, but for how long?

My arms ache from maintaining the First Level Rapture Position, but stopping right now isn't an option, especially when I know that dawn is so... damn... close.

I can do this, I know I can. All I have to do is keep time frozen within this chamber. Nothing has to move, nothing has to change. The air seems almost stale from a lack of ventilation, but that's a small price to pay. It's suffocating and there's a staticky charge in the space around me.

While everything within the Second Chamber of Worship has come to a stop, the world outside of it still rolls forward with delightful intent; giant gongs in the distance start to announce the fervor of dawn's light, and a light trickle of metal-tasting liquid rises up my throat.

Shocked, I lean forward, spitting out the terrible residue. It's blood. I've ejected blood from my mouth.

"Oh, my... god," My lip quivers as I instantly realize that I've spat on the feet of the life-size, marble replicant of Demalrak, "What have I done?"

I can't even do the samilka. My hands have to stay in this formation to sustain the magic of the configuration. But if I can't repent in front of the eyes of Demalrak... Oh, no, will he smite me?

Needles of panic shoot through me and make me restless, my heart squeezing from an entirely different reason this time.

'Master Belsifear! I can sense that you are in distress. Tell me how I can assist you!' My Thrinskar worries incessantly in the background of my mind.

He probably believes that my distress is coming from something magic-related, but that's not true at all. I'm afraid of what will happen if some petty god decides to punish me again. Soul displacement in another world is already an extreme sentence.

What if the trickster gods who put me here decide to kill me over this offense?!

"Abejia! Abejia! Abejia!"

With the eyes of Demalrak watching over me, I continue to hold the Fezenska configuration in an almost manic state while chanting the prayer. I don't pay much attention to whether time passes quickly outside of the chamber; all I know is that penance is much harder than I thought.

Maybe my true punishment is seeing where my virtues lie in this world... Am I being tested? I have no idea, but if I am, I might be losing in that category. I am not selfless enough. I am too indifferent towards my divine companion. He knows this as well as I-

The chamber is abruptly entered, and a gust of wind spins around me, disengaging me from my downward spiral of thoughts. I blink, not realizing that slivers of daylight swath the Demalrak statue in golden tones, and the visitor at my back has stepped into the chamber, observing me while I grasp the current situation.

My master is wearing a fresh, white robe today. She doesn't look like she's had a single hour's sleep either. No staff in her hands either.

"There are three Rapture Positions that a Sage can master. Each position requires a different amount of spiritual energy from the Sage. You've seen what is required of you to perform the First Level Rapture Position in Dedjurian. Reciting in the Forgotten Tongue, once you are experienced enough, will be decidedly more taxing on your body, but the trade-off grants you the ability to widen the radius of your barrier." She nods, seemingly pleased at my expression of exhaustion.

I can't believe it. For the first time since awakening in this strange new world, I've finally done something on my own and it feels right, as though a shade has been pulled away from my eyes. How differently everything appears to me now, a source of accomplishment winking low in my gut, begging to be watered now that it has grown from a microscopic seed... Everything hurts, but so what? I can see the value in this bodily ache. I haven't put my hands down yet, but only because my master hasn't told me to stop practicing the Fezenska Technique.

I'm beginning to think she has no intention to.

Advisca pads into the entryway of the chamber and drops his bottom onto the floor next to my master. Although his sullen features ooze with discontentment, our bond is roaring with vibrancy over being near one another again.

The wind is starting to cool my sweat. Jaw trembling, I can't help but speak my mind, "Does my training have anything to do with what I saw yesterday?"

"Yes."

"Am I in danger?"

"The holy grounds of Rushing Water Temple will protect you. You have nothing to fear." Her words are tempered with sweetness, but I can hear the practiced edge of a platitude woven through it.

She still doesn't give me permission to drop the configuration. Am I just a joke to her? A trembling, sweating mess that needs to be provoked? I try to conjure up the image of the kind, bubbly woman I met when I first gained awareness at Rushing Water Temple. She's wholly absent from the Second Chamber of Worship and in her place is someone who is trying to pour iron into my bones, someone who wants to make me strong no matter what.

I'm bothered by her continuous lack of permission to stop casting.

Deciding that my arms have felt the sting of the First Level Rapture Position for long enough, I dare to give permission unto myself.

Turning around on my knees, I look her square in the eyes and purposely place my hands in my lap. The moment I do, I can feel an invisible weight being raised from my body, stagnation lifting instantly, the air tasting fresher once I inhale deeply. Totoya and I stare at one another in silence. Bird song and the smokiness of incense clouds our senses.

A clod of brown hair chases the curve of my throat like a vine and I remove it with a petulant hand, spearing my equally dark-coloured eyes toward the woman in front of me. It is all I can do to not beseech her for mercy and rest right now.

Instead, I clear my throat, rasping, "What else would you have me do, master?"

"Agmito comes back to the temple today. We will eat in the Hall of Reflections. You will learn the configuration for the Second Level Rapture Position. Don't be late, Belsifear." Smiling broadly, my master turns and exits the chamber.

I get the feeling that she's deeply impressed by my daring attitude. Jeez.

Like a mound of sand that has felt the blows of rain, I crumble in increments. Hands bracing on the floor to catch me, I heave and evict the remnants of blood that sit lodged at the back of my throat. I vaguely hear Advisca's voice in my head, chattering to no end like a child seeking attention.

His large, iridescent body jostles into my periphery, his midsection rubbing intently back and forth along the crown of my head. Advisca continues to walk himself in front of me, switching sides and forcing physical contact between us. I groan, nearly dizzy from the motion.

Is he trying to force me to pat him?

'Not now, beast.' My internal voice is barely a whisper to him.

My Thrinskar purrs, a bolt of satisfaction singeing through both our bodies at the way he reacts with categorical longing for me. I almost feel bad for ignoring him. Almost. I'm not quite there yet, but I imagine I will be once he stops drowning me in 'motion sickness'.

'...this is unbecoming of a master. Don't you know that we are separate parts of half a soul now? Anxiety doesn't even begin to cover what I feel right now. We're technically soul-bonded. You couldn't find another one like me even if you begged the gods!'

Ugh. This is what I have to deal with straight after completing my first successful configuration. It doesn't feel like a moment of congratulations. It sure as hell doesn't taste like success. But maybe that's the compromise... mastery of magic doesn't need to be easy if it can bring me one step closer to challenging the gods.

If it can bring me to my home world, then I'll walk this path. I'll eat every shred of this pain, I'll swim through these blackened waters and fall into the void. Whatever it takes.

Divine Punishment? Whatever did I do to deserve said punishment?

I rest on my heels and glance at my hands, a seed of bitterness taking root in my soul. Advisca's ears perk up, his metaphysical senses kicking in, and he throws a discerning look my way. My Thrinskar can feel the change within me, not just in my emotions but in the sudden darkening of my spiritual energy.

"What is this?" I ask him, referring to the rise of chaos inside my chest.

'Master... you've been touched by Vile. It's a soul-eating type of magic. Demi-Urgaens are more susceptible to Vile, but I've never seen someone so young experience it. It is said to be manifested by only the darkest of souls as punishment for their immorality.' It's almost comical the way his snout portrays blatant disarray.

The sigh I release is long-winded and full of pure exasperation. "This world is sending me every possible sign that I'm an abominable sinner. I must have done something horrible in my past life; is that it?"

Advisca outrightly rebukes this, 'Master, there is no way that's true. I've felt your soul. It cannot be anything less than pure.'

I shut my eyes and think back to the day I first woke up; something inside of me had snapped into place, or more than likely, been shoved into a suffocating prison without preamble. It was my soul.

One minute in another dimension and then poof - it was yanked and forcibly imprisoned, beholden to the confines of an unfamiliar physical vessel. As cognizant as I was about the miracle of being given a second mortal coil, this came with the disturbing parallel of not wanting to live like this.

My mind could tell. The intrinsic wrongness of it all was and still is pressed into every fiber of my being. I remember the heart-wrenching ache that followed my awakening because all my nerves had dared to reject such a horrific transition.

Was I afraid? No... I was downright terrified and deep down, I still am.

A fog in my mind kept trying to reappear whenever I tried to recall my past life. Impressions, that's all I was able to grasp. Words and symbols, flashes and colors. Not enough to piece together who I used to be or where I came from, but enough to know that where I am now isn't appropriate.

And the girl in my head, the previous owner of this body... she's not here anymore. I can no longer hear her voice protruding through her past memories at the most inconvenient moments or whenever I dream at night. So now I've become a body-snatcher. The worst part of all is, I think all of her memories have vanished and are no longer retrievable.

Shame is a shallow pool to dwell in when a whole ocean of fear monopolizes my thoughts most of the time.

'Master Belsifear, I don't think you've ever mentioned where your soul originated from.' Advisca's voice is wrapped in a dalliance of concern and caution.

'I don't remember it,' I tell him, and it's the sad truth, 'But I can't stop thinking about what Agmito said when he mentioned trickster gods. They steal the souls of the wicked, and it turns out that I'm one of them. This is my Divine Punishment, Advisca. For the rest of my life, I'll be serving time in this world, but I don't even know what for. I don't even know where exactly 'here' is.'

'Ah! That is an oversight on my part, master. Allow me to show you.' My Thrinskar drops down to his haunches in front of me and lowers his head.

Our eyes are basically level to each other. The shining glow of his opalescent gaze hits me full on as the spiritual bond between us bursts open like an unhinged floodgate. He materializes the green, metaphysical thread that snaps into place right between our brows, linking both our minds as one and allows me to see his thoughts and memories.

'What am I looking at?' I ask, heedless of the blurred imagery of stars around us.

He's made noncorporeal renditions of us in his mind, puppets that we can control and use to glide around in his memories, as though we're actually experiencing a walk amongst a cloud of gaseous planets. I'm somewhat impressed, but he hasn't given me anything to focus on specifically.

We dawdle for a while until we come across a bluish and green planet. 'What's this?' I ask him, a razor-sharp needle of longing piercing my heart as I stare at the orb floating in front of us.

'It's the planet Jaharva.'

'Are you sure? Something tells me... it's called... Earth.'

'Perhaps. But here, we call it Planet Jaharva. It's a dirty rock in space. It is currently occupied by baseless fiends whose reliance on rigorous and self-pitiable indulgences should have wiped them out eons ago. The gods look to this rock for amusement, Belsifear. It is little more than an eyesore to them and most of the time, they gamble on the contemptible behaviors of criminals. Chances are that your soul comes from this place.'

My jaw hangs open at his description of such a place. 'But if they despise such beings... Why would they bring such baseless, degenerates like me here? Not that I would want to be anywhere else, but why wouldn't they keep me in such a hellish place? If anything, I am just another mouth to feed on this world... come to think of it, you still haven't told me where we are yet.'

Something grates on my nerves when he snorts. He's working up to a big reveal, I can feel it. I'm impatient at his back, huffing and puffing away as he pushes his head into Planet Jaharva's surface.

The ball of green and blue malts and shifts, rearranging itself into a slightly larger orb. A wider array of greens, blues and browns decorate the surface now and I step back, confusion shuttering down my spine at the planet's transformation. Nope, I'm not getting it. Is it the same planet or a different one?

'This is us. Believe it or not, you're looking at the same planet. The physical attributes may look different on each one, but the integrity and molecular formation on both are precisely the same. This is how parallel dimensions work, master. There are slight variations throughout each one. Planet Braviolga in this dimension is Planet Jaharva in another - the place you know as Earth.'

'This world has mortals and Sages, Demi-Urgaens and divine companions that thrive in abundance. We even have gods... Gods that ghost this realm and are never seen, but whose rules dictate the livelihoods of many. I wonder if there are any similar beings on Earth?'

Advisca twists his nose sharply, as though this very idea is repulsive to him. 'Unlikely, master. From what I've heard, Planet Jaharva is a magic-less place. That is why they are constantly creating new technologies to placate their feeble and greedy hearts. The heart of a human cannot be satisfied.'

A human?

The word resonates through me like a ten ton bell. I feel like it belongs to me. If I ever was one, it must have been long ago.

I can't help the rise of censorial brows on my face as I ask, 'Why do you call this place Planet Jaharva when it's one and the same as Earth? It just wears a different skin.'

'Braviolgans and humans will never be 'one and the same'. And if we're thinking critically, being in two different dimensions is a big deal. It's not like we exist for the same purpose. One planet is said to be an ancient formation with an old soul, the other a replicant. Whichever one came first is a question that only the gods can seem to answer. But regardless, Earth and Braviolga barely have any interactions with each other, as per the rules of our dimension.'

'Except for when the gods see fit to punish someone.' I drag my gaze around the rest of the star-speckled space around us, inspired by the awe and beauty of his vision.

A drop of pity stumbles through the bond and it occurs to me that my divine companion feels a great deal of empathy for me. I'm shook by how he's so overcome by my weariness, the crushing grief that is now a restrictive noose around my neck getting tighter with each second.

'You must not let the Vile taint you, master. Intense emotions of negativity can also summon the Vile.'

'I will be vigilant in the future. Don't worry, Advisca. Although what you've just said about humans... they are the embodiment of the Vile, don't you think? At least I know why I've been taken. My soul is not pure; I never have been.'

I shouldn't be able to mourn something that I can't remember; a life that isn't mine anymore... and yet I do. Everything about this world feels wrong to me. Unnatural and forced.

His quick retort echoes like a pernicious clap of thunder, 'Our bonding would not have been so effortless if that were the case! Yours is... Master Belsifear, there are no words. I feel the gods may have made a mistake with you. I was drawn halfway around the planet to you because of your soul!'

My Thrinskar is radiant in his belief. I can't help grinning at him. He deserves a pat, so I give him one. His purring shakes his entire body and I thread my hands through the soft, plush hair in his mane, comforting myself after a long night of exhaustive magic casting.

Only yesterday I forced myself to overcome my limitations and learnt the Fezenska Technique and it was not by the grace of any god in Braviolga. Sheer will and pettiness, perhaps, had overtaken me. It still drives me to clench my teeth as I reconsider my position in this simulated version of a galaxy.

Yes. Galaxy. I know that word. It's another word that I remembered from my past life. A catalogue of information then ventures into the back of my brain, tiptoeing around blocked memories.

I'll do whatever it takes to get back to Planet Jaharva, or Earth. I'll become a force of nature if I have to and master magic in order to travel through dimensions.

Because only one of these two statements is capable of being true - either the gods made a mistake; or I did something to deserve a Divine Punishment in Braviolga.

'Let's finish up here,' I tell my Thrinskar, 'I've got another Rapture Position to master.'