Thinking in circles

[Alex's POV]

The world was spinning. It was something Alex noticed a lot recently. Spinning and spinning. Just like his thoughts. Always the same loop repeating itself. It held him up at night and kept him busy during the day.

For example; When his hand accidentally touched Otto's, he'd instantly feel the urge to grab her hand and never let it go.

That urge was always closely followed by the feeling of guilt.

He'd promised her he wouldn't fall in love with her. She didn't need his feelings. She'd warned him from the beginning hadn't she? Yet, his mind would wander to an age long passed and all these warm feelings would bubble up.

That's when confusion would kick in.

Who was the one he loved; Neferet from his past or Otto in the present? The one he'd never see again, or the one he could touch, right here and now? Sometimes he'd make up his mind and decide they were one and the same. After all, they were so similar! They had to be!

But were they really? How could they be the same? They lived thousands of years apart! That would be the same as lumping him together with Amon. And he sure as hell wasn't the same as that guy!

Did his memories of the past influence his feelings now?

...

Why was this so difficult? He had to move on! He couldn't keep living in the past! What's done is done. He simply had to move on!

But how did he move on? By distancing himself from Otto? He didn't really want to, but he had tried. It had felt like pure torture and when he did manage to create some distance between them, she came running right back. Complaining that he was leaving her behind, even though there was nothing he'd rather do than capture her in a hug and never let her go.

By loving her then?

He could.

But no, he shouldn't. He'd promised her he wouldn't!

And the dilemma would start all over again. That's what kept his mind spinning.

He was well aware of the emotional baggage he had brought along with him from Ancient Egypt, but it was impossible.

He couldn't have with Otto what he'd had with Neferet. The times were too different. They were both different, from what they'd been back then.

He still felt drawn to her, but he couldn't allow himself to get closer. He couldn't risk scaring her off, because even more distance between them would be the end of him.

"Alex!" a voice brought him back from his mulling. It felt as if time suddenly fast-forwarded and now two warm hands were gently holding his face, and a pair of worried deep blue eyes were looking back at him on a very close proximity. He could feel his heart skip a beat and his eyes widened in surprise, but he didn't dare to say a word.

"Oh? Looks like she made contact," he heard Jessy giggle softly.

"Yeah, bro. You're spacing out a lot lately," he heard Jasper confirm.

Apparently, he was at school, standing on the playground with his friends, but all he could see were her eyes staring back at him, and all he could feel were her warm hands on his cheeks. So at this very moment, she was his world.

He didn't dare to look away. Too afraid the real world would slip away from under his feet, too afraid she'd vanish. Afraid that he might wake up from a pleasant dream. Or was it a torturous one? He couldn't decide.

"Are you okay?" Otto asked, her eyes full of concern, successfully annulling a nearly initiated thought-loop. He wondered if she could see the spinning in his eyes? Knowing her, she probably could.

"You look tired," she continued, moving one of her heavenly hands to brush away a stray hair hanging in front of his face.

For a second he was torn between sulking over the lost warmth on his cheek and letting his eyes flutter shut at the wonderful feeling of her fingers going through his hair. Both seemed awfully risky at the moment. But he had to answer her. She'd only grow more concerned if he didn't.

So he closed his eyes and sighed while he leaned into the hand that was still on his other cheek.

"I am tired," he replied more honest than he thought he would. A frown formed on his face. Why did he say that? The intention of answering her was to subside her worries, not to fuel them.

Reluctantly he placed his hand on hers to remove it from his cheek as it suddenly felt too intimate, but didn't let go of her hand.

"Why? What's worrying you?" she asked as she glanced down at their hands, but didn't complain about the fact that he hadn't let go yet.

"Nothing for you to worry your pretty little head over!" he laughed off her concern as he ruffled her long hair. She shot him an angry look and straightened her hair with her free hand, pouting prettily as she did.

And, there it was again! That urge! He wanted to kiss that pretty little pout. Would she mind if he kissed her? Would she kiss him back? No, it was more likely that she'd push him away. Or worse, run away from him and never look back.

"What do you think they're talking about?" he heard Jessy ask Jasper in a hushed voice.

"Now that a strange question," Alex thought to himself. He knew they weren't shouting, but they weren't exactly whispering either.

"I have no clue! I've been wondering where they've learned that secret club language of theirs," he heard Jasper complain.

Alex forced himself to tear his gaze away from Otto's, which really did feel like torture, but was necessary as he needed to know what his friends were talking about.

Slowly but surely, the world around him came into focus, and he saw his friends standing next to him.

"What did you say?" he asked, confusion dripping from his voice.

"Oh? He heard," Jessy said, giggling in a conspiratorial way. "Well, it's about time, actually. I'm tired of wondering what the two of you could possibly be saying to each other. Not to mention that you're desperate enough to hide it by speaking your own secret language."

"Our own secret language?!" Alex asked incredulously. By the sound of it, he'd been speaking in his Ancient Egyptian tongue. Unconsciously, of course. Why hadn't he realised it until now?

"Yeah, dude. It sounds all strange. What language is that anyway?" Jasper said.

"Beats me," Jessy complained. "But however much I'd like to believe you might actually be able to speak more than one language, no way in hell Otto managed to learn it over the timespan of two weeks!"

"If it's that easy, I want to learn it too!" Jasper said, looking all fired up.

"Wait," Alex said, looking quickly between Otto and his friends. "Otto too?"

Jessy threw him a blunt look as if he'd lost his mind.

"Yeah, duh!" she voiced annoyed.

Alex looked back questioningly at Otto, wondering if Jasper and Jessy were tricking him. But whatever trick they were pulling, apparently they hadn't informed Otto about it since she shrugged questioningly.

"No clue," she said as she shrugged.

Alex heard her say it. He understood every letter of what she said. But now that his friends had brought it to his attention; it did sound wrong. Or rather; it did not sound like their modern day language. It sounded more like the language he was used to SO long ago.

And just like that, the endless circle was broken. She was his soulmate! It was her he'd loved all along, no one else! He felt so high, it felt like he could fly! He instantly bend down his head and kissed her, straight on the lips. It had been LONG overdue.

But then his brain caught up to what he was doing...

Was he kissing her?!

Even though he'd promised her he wouldn't. What if she didn't remember their flashback? What if she felt betrayed?

He was about to pull back and apologise for his temporary lack of backbone when she sighed contently against his lips, bordering on a moan, reached up with her hands and intertwined her fingers in his hair.

Relief washed over him. He couldn't help but grin before he deepened the kiss and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer.

He was surprised to find that it all felt rather familiar and wondered if they had relapsed in some sort of old habit? Not that he could think clearly at the moment, with the woman of his dreams kissing him eagerly and her body pulled flush against his...

He had barely finished the thought when Otto's knees buckled and failed, making her drop a few centimetres and causing their lips to part.

Alex looked down at her in surprise, glad that he had been holding on to her, but laughed when he saw she was equally surprised, a persistent pink blush still eminent on her cheeks.

"I got you," he whispered and pressed a sweet little kiss to her forehead.

"T-thanks," she stuttered as her blush deepened again.

"Oh! My! God!" the two of them looked up at Jessy who was staring at them flabbergasted.

"Ha! I told you he'd be the one to kiss her first!" Jasper yelled while pointing at Jessy accusingly. "Pay up! In fact, all of you! Over there! You pay up too!"

At that, Alex and Otto looked in the direction Jasper had pointed and noticed that they had drawn quite the crowd. Some people were whooping, others smiled quietly, some grunted because they had lost the bet, and here and there a rare down-cast face could be seen.

The whole situation didn't exactly register to Alex yet. It was only when Otto buried her bright red face into his chest that he started to realise what had happened. He couldn't help but laugh a hearty chuckle that made his chest rumble with amusement. His chuckle made Otto look up at him in disbelief.

"Don't laugh you fiend!" she said angrily as she hit his chest once with her fist. "Y-y-you kissed me!"

"So I did," he confirmed, the smile on his face only widening and her blush only growing deeper in colour. He knew the worst thing he could do right now was to laugh like a madman, but honestly, he was simply too delighted that she was still standing this close. She hadn't ran away! And she was even talking to him!

"Y-you don't get it!" she stammered, her cheeks still bright red. "You k-kissed me in front of half the school!"

He stared at her for an instant, weighing his options. Otto made a point of looking him right in the eyes angrily. Those beautiful eyes looking back at him didn't make it any easier.

"Can I do it again?" he blurted out. Otto faltered, her eyes went wide in surprise and her blush flared up once more. She quickly hid her face in her hands and ducked back into his chest, making a long stretched "Eep" sound.

Alex stared a moment at the top of her head, surprised by her reaction but chuckled when he realised what had happened.

"It's ok," he chuckled as he dropped a quick kiss on top of her hair. "I'm already glad you didn't run away."

"Ok! That's enough smooches and secret club activities for one morning!" Jasper said as he punched Alex in the shoulder, making him lose his balance and stumble a step aside.

"Ouch! What was that for?!" Alex asked as he rubbed his sore shoulder.

"Ah! It talked!" Jasper said, sounding surprised but looked delighted. "If I'd know, I would have encouraged you to kiss her a long time ago! Welcome back to the world of the living, bro! Now stop it with all the intimate display of love. I think Jessy might be overheating. That and the bell is about to ring anytime soon."

As soon as he'd said it the bell rang, signalling the start of classes.

"Ha! What'd I tell you?" Jasper said smugly. Alex chuckled. Jasper's self-confidence suited him perfectly. It was Jessy's reaction that surprised him.

After all the match-making and plotting she'd done to get them together, she wasn't able to cope with a couple kissing in front of her eyes.

He looked down at the other girl who hadn't been able to cope with the intimacy she'd experienced.

"Are you ready to go to class?" he asked Otto carefully, loosening his protective embrace on her.

"Hu? Oh! Yes! I-I'll be fine!" she stuttered but really did look like she'd be fine.

"Good," he chuckled as he let her go. "Now go and kick-start your friend. Looks like she experienced a melt-down."

"Huh?" Otto voiced surprised, looking in the direction Alex had pointed until she spotted Jessy. "Oh!"

Alex watched her as she hurried to her best friends side and gently tried to get her attention.

"Who would have thought Jessy would be the one to freak-out," Jasper said as he started moving with the rest of the crowd to the appointed classroom.

"Yeah, it surprised me too," Alex said as he saw Jessy trap Otto in a smothering hug and decided they would be fine.

"I take it you feel better now?" Jasper said after giving Alex a thoughtful glance.

"Yeah, I do," Alex chuckled, a little surprised at the attentiveness of his friend. He really did feel better. Still a little drained, but his world really had stopped spinning out of control.