The process of healing - Acceptance

[Neferet's POV]

"Neferet?" Amon asked softly after filling Merenre in on what had happened. "I'm going to carry you to your room now. Is that ok?"

She nodded. Amon hadn't touched her in any way since she'd pulled away from him. Which she was glad for. But now that she was carefully tucked away in his big, strong arms, she felt ashamed for pushing him away.

Once Amon finally put her down on the familiar bed again, she was feeling groggy, but the tears had finally stopped flowing.

"Sorry," Neferet said once more. "I've calmed down now."

The boys hadn't followed them into the room. It was only Amon, Merenre and her inside.

"That's ok," Merenre was the first to speak. "I have a good idea of what's going on and I want you to know that it's not your fault."

She looked up in surprise.

"How could you possibly know?" she asked confused. She didn't know herself what was happening, so how could he possibly know?

"When I first examined you, you had faint bruises on your upper arms, hips and between your legs. I think someone forced sexual intimacies onto you," Merenre explained patiently while holding her gaze. Only when she heard Amon sharply inhale, did they both glance over at him. He looked nervous, like he didn't know what to do with his body. Only when his eyes accidentally met hers, did she see the storm that was raging inside.

"Sorry," he said after a moment of silence. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

And when the silence continued, he said: "Maybe it's better if I wait outside."

"No! Don't go!" Neferet found herself saying before her head could catch up. Amon looked even more confused after that.

She released a shuddering breath.

"It was my husband," she confessed before she could chicken out. "Every night, again and again, he didn't stop. It was terrible. I wanted to die. But I didn't dare to tell him to stop because ... Well, he still is my husband, isn't he? Aren't we supposed to produce children?"

She paused, waiting for a reaction, but the room was dead-silent.

"It wasn't until he'd lost interest that I'd found out he only wanted to marry me because of some small-town priestess's prophecy. 'At the height of your pride, only the hottest flame will do you right.' That's what it said," she took another shaky breath. "And apparently, he'd decided that that hottest flame was me since he'd seen me dancing at a local festival. Turns out he'd been trying to get children for years. His first wive had died during childbirth, taking the child with her, his second wive mysteriously vanished. After that he'd taken to raping the servant-girls. So when even that didn't result in children, he jumped at the last resort that would 'do him right'."

"Why didn't anybody stop him?" Amon asked angrily.

"They couldn't. Some had tried, but because he was the highest ranking scribe around, he easily got away with forging the taxes of those who opposed him, suddenly marking them as bad tax payers," she explained.

Merenre and Amon shared a glance she couldn't understand.

"Where did you say this husband of yours lives?" Merenre asked.

"Nubt. Why do you ask?" she asked confused.

"We'll have to send an overseer," Amon grumbled seriously. "The pharaoh will not be pleased if he hears this."

His comment made Merenre snort for some reason. One of those "I'm not supposed to laugh, but I can't help it"-snorts. The longer it lasted, the more annoyed Amon started to look, until he finally grabbed one of the lids of the straw baskets near him and hurled it towards his brother.

Merenre easily caught it, but at least he tried to stop laughing.

"I'm missing something," Neferet remarked thoughtfully. This had them both snorting and chuckling, but still neither one of them tried to explain the joke to her. Neferet crossed her arms and pouted angrily. This had them laughing even harder.

"How mean," she complained. "Laughing straight at my face."

"No! No," Amon scrambled to say. "It's not you. It's a joke Merenre started about me."

"A joke?" Neferet asked curiously. "Then what's it about?"

Her question had Merenre laughing full-out and gasping for air. She frowned at Amon in confusion.

"It's not that it's a secret or anything, but I kind of like that you don't know," Amon said in an apologetic way. This confused Neferet even more, but then she looked at Merenre who still couldn't look her in the eyes without starting to laugh again and realised the mood had completely turned.

As she liked this happy mood much better than the serious and depressing one from earlier, she allowed herself to laugh along with them. They laughed and laughed until Merenre finally managed to stop laughing for thirty seconds.

"Neferet needs her rest," he'd said seriously. Amon had agreed and they'd both left, but once the door was finally closed, she heard Merenre snort again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night Neferet had a bad dream. She'd dreamed that her husband had managed to find her and had locked her up again in that tiny depressing room. When she finally did manage to escape her dream, it was Amon's face she saw. His hands were on her shoulders and it was clear he had needed quite some time to wake her.

"Your crying and screaming could be heard throughout the whole house," he said, worry lacing his voice. "The servants asked me to take care of the scary ghosts."

This had Neferet staring at him in confusion. It took her a while before her nightmare tortured brain, managed to realise he'd made a joke.

She knew from many sleepless nights that you couldn't hear a thing in this room. It was situated too far away from all the other rooms to actually experience any kind of noise-disturbance.

Why he really had come wasn't clear, but she was glad he was there. She hugged him tightly around his neck. Amon gently wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer in his embrace.

"Please don't go?" she begged him.

"It's ok, calm down. I'll stay," he said in a soft and soothing voice close to her ear. His breath against her ear send shivers down her spine.

A large part of her was terrified of being this close to a man, but another part of her trusted Amon not to abuse her.

So they shifted into a more comfortable position to sleep; his arms wrapped around her in a protective manner, her head resting on his arm, her back against his chest. Amon's head was resting against hers and his breathing tickled her neck in a calm and steady rhythm. She quickly drifted off to sleep again, basking in the soothing warmth that oozed from his body.

The rest of the night she dreamed of snow and feather-light kisses.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three weeks later, the wounds on Neferet's feet were completely healed, just as the majority of her burned skin. Her skin was still very sensitive and the heavy burns on top of her shoulders were still visible, but at least she could walk around like a normal human being again.

In those three weeks, Amon, Intef and Amenemhat had started visiting her regularly. She hadn't been able to tell the twins apart at first, but now they couldn't fool her anymore.

Amon had bought her a new lute and each time they visited, she'd play and sing for the three of them. She usually sang about her travels and performances. The boys loved it, including Amon. They all looked so happy and content when she played for them.

One time, she'd noticed Amon's eyes were drifting closed and she'd purposely softened the tune and sang of a beautiful starry night. He was asleep within seconds, sunken into the extra chair he'd placed into the room so the boys could sit on the bed with her.

She and the boys had been watching him fall asleep and were secretly snickering about it, careful not to wake him.

A little while later, the boys had lost interest and went out to play, leaving Neferet with a sleeping man in her room. She couldn't stop staring at him. He looked so peaceful. His face was completely unguarded, making him look several years younger. After what felt like hours of staring, she'd crawled over and traced over the faded scar in his brow. She hadn't noticed it before.

Sadly enough, he jolted awake immediately and stared at her with big startled eyes.

"How long was I out?" he'd asked as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"I don't know. A few hours maybe?" she'd answered and he looked startled once more.

"Hours?! Shit! I had another meeting... Why didn't you wake me?"

"You looked so tired," she'd said sheepishly. But before he could answer, someone knocked at the door. It was Merenre to tell Amon that his guest had arrived.

Merenre was the only one who knocked on her door. He'd adopted the habit after he'd found her sleeping in Amon's arms.

Merenre had squealed like an exited little girl and closed the door quickly again, but it was to late. The moment was broken and Amon had quickly jumped out of bed to explain the situation to his brother.

The bed had felt cold after he'd left. She'd instantly missed his warmth.

After the "sleeping together" incident, Amon had asked her: "Neferet? Would you like to see your husband again?"

She'd frozen into place and shook her head quickly from side to side.

"I hope I'll never have to see him again," she'd answered, hearing her own voice tremble. "Please don't send me back to him. I'd rather die!"

He'd frowned and smiled a sad smile.

"I would never," he said. "Don't worry, you're safe here."

After that, he vanished for a few days.

"He's busy rounding up your fraudulent scribe," Merenre had said once she'd asked him. "It looks like your dear husband was guilty of a lot more than just embezzling tax money. The report of the overseer was quite shocking."

"Amon went there?!" Neferet had shrieked. Nothing good came from interacting with her husband. Not ever! She didn't like Amon being near him. Knowing her husband, he'd try to kill Amon. And not in an honourable way. It would be a sneaky and back-stabbing way.

No need to say, she was worried senseless. So when Amon stood the following day in her room, she couldn't decide between feeling relieved that he'd come back in one piece and being afraid of what he'd have to say.

But he didn't say anything at all. He simply handed her a scroll. It was a contract of divorce, complete with her husbands name and signature. All she had to do was sign it.

She'd jumped out of bed and tackled him into a smothering hug.

"Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you..." she'd chanted a thousand times, tears of joy rolling over her cheeks.

"You're welcome," Amon had chuckled as he hugged her back. Then he looked down and said in amazement; "Neferet, you're standing!?"

And then she laughed and cried some more tears of joy.