Healing

I don't want to just live to exist life or ordinary life I need so much more than that I want to attract what is meant for me I want to live my life with no regrets. I want to do things the right way this time. I want to be with endless happiness I want to get married to the man of my dreams so we can accomplish what we were created for which is to love each other and fill the earth with our children.

My passion for life, love, and all the things that fill my soul is what I always longed for. And that is what comes first now I want to experience everything that makes my heart rejoice I want something that can't be found in a book or seen on a T.V screen. I want to hear the sweet laughter of a happy family nearby I no longer what to hear anything that will cause my heart pain

I want to watch the dancing fireworks that light up in the sky as we wait for better days in Paris eating a divine dinner with the love of my life without fearing losing him I want him to always remember why he chose me to be his wife this is why I am alive.

I don't care about the ordinary choices that everyone else makes them happy. No, give me something different something worth waking up for. For years I had to fight and I am finally taking my gloves off.

For I know what is meant for me will come my way for so many years I allowed the devil to hurt me and to cause me unnecessary pain and I was done with that I now know that the only thing I need to do is pray and good things will come my way.

Many set time timelines for where they want to be at a certain age and what they would want to achieve before they die. I don't want that in fact, I won't have a bucket list because I'll have done everything that I have ever yearned to experience and I'm still going to achieve more.

My legacy will be remembered for a lifetime, My legacy won't be one of the possessions, money, or valuables, but rather of feelings, memories, and fulfilled dreams money comes and go but my family doesn't blood always comes first.

Almost losing myself again made me realize that my sanity came first and I'm forever grateful for having my psychologist to help me deal with everything. Who knew that opening up to someone and how sharing your emotions would make you view things differently my psychologist and I clicked from the moment I met him he had also been through a lot having to survive almost being gang raped by drug addicts.

He was renting at some place he was still very unfamiliar with the place so he asked his girlfriend to show him the neighborhood since he was still new to the area. A lot of people were not happy with that so they followed him and his girlfriend, this one evening and pushed them into this broken-down building he said he prayed for his life I remember him holding back his tears when he told me how weak he felt when they almost raped his girlfriend in front of him.

By God's grace, his next-door neighbor saw everything and he called the community to help him with those monsters. They were saved by the mob justice the community had enough but they knew they should not take the law into their own hands so they called the police and got them arrested that's how he survived his incident they would have most probably killed them if the community did not come. As much as the situations were not the same it felt good to communicate with, a young educated individual that endured a lot yet still had faith that true love still existed and that depression is real, and that there was a cure for it.

We have grown pretty close ever since we started with the sessions Ezile's name has been discussed a few times but I try to avoid that conversation by all means. Having Gran around has helped me a lot I don't have to deal with those awkward moments in my life I still haven't gained enough strength to talk to him about certain things in my life. 

I hate how we were behaving I hate how we allowed our emotions to get the best of us, I hate how we normalized making an irrational decision only for our benefit not for a moment did we think about the people around us our stupidity most of the time affected so many lives, and I was tired and I know we are going to have to be honest with each other sooner or later. Gran could not always fight my battles.

Ezile was my forever now I needed to make peace with the fact that he had to be my place of peace the sooner we can live like we're one, the better, we could not change the fact that our lives were bonded together he gave me a reason to live again the step we decided to get married my fear for him was out of respect I knew he would never lay his hands on me and I needed to let my guard down now.