The Psyduck-Who-Ate

"You're a wizard, psyduck. ", said the giant bearded human.

"Psy?"

"A wizard."

~?~

"Hey you! Are you the psyduck-who-won?" exclaimed a short cheese-haired human.

"... Psy?"

"You don't know?"

"...."

"The psyduck-who-won defeated the Dark Lord Voldemort when he was just aa psyduck hatchling, although he went missing afterwards." explained the dwarf human with the yee-yee ass haircut.

"Psy..... Psyduck Psy Psy!"

"What do you mean? You ATE that psyduck?"

"Psy."

The midget human then proceeded to walk to the wall of the train compartment, smash its head against it, and pass out.

~?~

"Hmm... Now which house are you suited the most for? Let me see.... the courageousness for Gryffindor, but the faint-heartedness of the Hufflepuff. The savagery of a Slytherin yet possessing the wisdom of a Ravenclaw..." pondered the strange, sentient, and stinky brown conical object on Psyduck's head.

"PSY! psy psy duck!!!!!!!!!", declared the future supreme emperor.

"Deary me! Calm down you rotund duckling! I see...."

"SLYTHERIN!!!" announced the rude hat to the entire magical academy's surprise.

~?~

One day, when psyduck was waddling around the halls of Hogwarts to his next class of potion-making, he was talking excitedly about the medical applications of blood magic with his underlings Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle, when he was interrupted.

"Shut the hell up you stupid cockwaffle!"

"Psy? Psy... duck?

"I've always hated you for eating my pet psyduck. I saw you eating him, gobbling up his organs, munching on his bones, and feasting on his flesh."

"Psy!"

"Don't act innocent! I know it was you, I can recognize that smug face of yours anywhere"

"Oy oy oy, Potter! How dare you talk to young master psyduck with such disrespect! YOU ARE COURTING DEATH"

"Huh? It is you who cannot see the peak of Mount Tai, Malfoy! For I am the Heir of House Peverell, Potter, Black, Malfoy, Dumbledore...… Riddle, Gaunt!" exclaimed the black-haired cracker with circular glasses.