You Could

The words spoken next cut Lucus to the core. Dissbelief mixed with hatred, sadness and a good amount of self pity. Half directed at each. A fool. Lucus thought. I am little more than a fool. Yet, with all the emotions lashing out inside him, all he could do was think. Talk to himself, chanting words he wanted to be true. All the feelings and thoughts piled up, paralyzing Lucus. In his mind he repeated over and over; You are angry. Mad. So, so angry. Just punch him. Hate him. Why aren't you angry? Where is your rage? Just scream. Angry. Angry. Angry. Let yourself hate him. Why not? He deserves it. Come on. Just do it. Yell. Kick. Scream. Punch. You are so angry. Why won't you do anything about it? Why? Why? Why? Are you too weak? I knew it. You were a fool to think otherwise. A fool. Such a fool. I knew it. You knew it. Angry. Mad. Come on.

Lucus pounded his fist on his leg, snapping himself out of his self degrading realm. A tear welled up in the corners of his grey blue eyes, swelling then bursting under pressure letting a small stream drip down his cheek. Don't let them get to you. He thought. Look at yourself! You can't even hold in a tear. Get up. Leave. Don't listen to him anymore. You can be above this.

No matter what Lucus told himself, he couldn't bring himself to move. His father spoke up. For the first time, the words he spoke were misplaced because there couldn't have been a worse place to add them in.

"Please, son. I know I haven't always been a great father, or a good one at that, but I need your help. It's a lot to ask but it's just a few grand for now. You have rich friends at that school of yours. Surely you could help me. I wouldn't be asking this if I had any other choice." Lucus stopped crying as if the tap had been twisted shut. He opened his eyes and shot his father a piercing glare. All the red flags suddenly made themselves clear.

"You said my school. You knew about our conditions so why did you not ask Alya? Or were you just waiting for the right time to swoop in and steal what we built for ourselves? I wouldn't put it past you!" He spoke with a newfound courage and each word hit his father hard. "You came back for the money and the money only. Desperate enough to go to your blind orphan son for help and proud enough to try and manipulate your way into getting it. And you know what? It almost worked. You were so close to having me fooled." Lucus got up and gathered his stuff, getting ready to walk away. "I really thought- you know what? Forget it." He took a step towards the exit, but stopped when a hand wrapped around his wrist. For some reason, he didn't pull it out.

"It's not just the money, I- I love you, you're my son! I've loved you. You and your sister, I would do anything for you. I'm in a bad spot right now but I promise it was never just for the money. Trust me."

"Oh cut the crap man. You never wanted me. You never wanted my sister. If you really would do anything for us, you would have visited. You would have put your own pride aside," Lucus pushed his finger in the middle of his father's chest and leaned forward, "and showed up. You would have showed up sometime. You would have worked out your problems before they got bad and worked for us instead. You would have got off your lazy @#% and been there for Alya's adoption, my first day at school or at least a birthday or two. It's one day for the both of us. Not that hard but now you want my pity, and the life I have built for myself!" He huffed, out of breath, tears streaming down his face. They weren't tears of sadness, they were full of rage.

I'm sorry! So I've made a mistake or two, but I know you wouldn't let your only father die. I have nothing left. Your sister, Alya, she already rejected me. I tried everything but the insurance companies turned me down. I don't have any money." He released Lucus's arm, letting him speak. Now, his grip felt weaker than ever. So frail and pitiful.

"A 'mistake or two'?!? You're not serious are you? You know what? I pity you. I pity the fact that you can't look any further past your own selfish nature." Lucus actually laughed.

"But I have nothing left. I just need-" His son cut him off.

"You might have something if you hadn't been using everything to feed your addictions!" He swiveled back around to face his father. Why had he done this to them? Now he was here. It all felt so wrong.

"I didn't- I didn't know how- I never knew what to do. I was never meant to be a father." He looked down and wrung his hands together.

"You didn't need to know! You need to take a leap of faith. You had an obligation to the world and to us and to mom. Maybe you didn't ask for it, but you never even tried. You can read a book. You can ask online. This world has been perfectly suited to anyone's need for growing and learning, but you never even looked. You gave up on us and lost everything you had in the process. Deal with your mistakes yourself."

"But please! My sickness. I need a hospital. I have cancer. Lung cancer. It's early enough for me to survive. I just need the money. Please, Lucus. I can't do this on my own." He, to Lucus's surprise, lowered himself onto the ground and placed his head to the floor. "Don't be like me, be better. Don't abandon me as I did to you." Lucus turned back around and growled at his father.

"Don't contact me. Stay out of my life. You disgust me." He then stormed off to wash his hands.