Water of the Womb p5

The two of us were too exhausted to crawl back to the bedroom, so we slept there in the front room that night.

I woke, stiff and sore. Sleep had eased the agony somewhat. Each movement still throbbed with pain but it seemed less sharp and further away now.

I was able to stand on my first try this time. My left side had borne most of the beating, and it hurt to put too much pressure on my left leg, so I limped on my way to the bathroom to take a bath.

Looking at my side filled me with fear. It was streaked purple and black all over, and the parts where the bone was closest to the skin were swollen and painful to the touch. The cold water numbed the pain and I let out a sigh of relief, only to double over at a sharp pain in my side.

After I dressed I examined my face. A great big bruise was gathering on my cheekbone and dark impressions of fingers ringed my neck. There wasn't much I could do to hide the bruise on my face, but I pulled my collar as high as I could to try to hide my neck.

The walk to work was excruciating, and I made bad time. Several times I had to stop and catch my breath. Even hard breathing caused the pains in my side to flare. By the time I arrived, I was well and properly late.

Mr. Do came barrelling out. "You've picked a hell of a time to be late, Baek Jae- Jaehyun! What happened to your face?!" His anger vaporised at the sight of me, and he rushed over to me. "Lee Minju!" Minju ran out and together they ushered me into the shop and sat me down. Their hasty movements irritated my bruises, and I protested all the way in.

Mr. Do moved my collar aside and Minju gasped at the bruises there. I tried to pull the collar back up, but Mr. Do seized my arm. He ignored my cry of pain and rolled my sleeve up.

"How could this happen," he cried.

"The Seven Directions gang… they replaced Park Bonghwan-ssi." I closed my eyes in embarrassment. "The new guy…" I couldn't remember the name at the moment.

"Are you crazy, coming into work like this? You should have called to take the day off! You idiot," Mr. Do raved.

"I can't!" The idea was preposterous. "I need to make money or it'll happen again. Worse next time. I can't not work." I tried to swat Mr. Do and Lee Minju away but they pushed me back down into the chair.

"Baek Jaehyun-a," lamented Mr. Do. "You're no use to me like this. As your boss I'm telling you you need to rest and recover."

"There must be something I can do," I pleaded. "I need to work."

Mr. Do looked at me. His face looked as pained as I felt. Finally, he blinked hard and groaned. "You stubborn ass!" He looked at Minju. "Take him to the office. Maybe you can help with some of the paperwork."

I thanked him gratefully and with Minju's help, made my way to the office.

That lunch, before I went to get the meal, I decided to check my savings. This was as good an emergency as ever. If they expected weekly payments but I could only pay every two weeks, they'd be back in no time.

I counted the money inside and stopped short. I recounted. I counted again until I was positive. I was missing some money. A lot of money. I felt chilled as I looked to where my coworkers were sitting around, chatting over their lunchboxes. It could only have been one of them. No one else came into the section of the garage where the lockers were. One of them had taken money from my locker.

"Jaehyun-hubei!" Minjae called. "Come get lunch!"

I put away the box quickly. I'd figure out who later.

Mr. Do drove me home that night, despite my home being close by. He refused to let me walk. "Not in your condition!"

I had decided to take the box of money back with me. It wasn't safe at the shop anymore, and besides, we needed all the money we could to keep the loaners happy. Even with the missing amount, I had saved up a fair amount over the years. Maybe it would be enough to pay off the debt once and for all.

"Jaehyun." I stopped and looked at Mr. Do to see what he wanted. He looked like he was fighting with himself. "You don't need to keep living like this. Maybe you should go live with your brother."

I didn't really know what to say to that. Here was someone else telling me that my parents' problems weren't mine to deal with too. It was almost starting to be convincing. "I… I'll think about it," I said, dishonestly.

I waved as he drove off, then limped back home.

My mother wasn't in the front room when I arrived. "Ma? Ma!" I called, panicked.

"In the bedroom!"

Relieved, I rushed in as fast as I could with my bad leg. I stopped in the doorway. My mother was laying down under a blanket, and my father was sitting beside her. I didn't really want to see him after he had run off last night, but it was his house, after all.

I sat on the other side of Mother. "Did you eat today, Ma?"

"Yes," she smiled. With a rustle of fabric, her hand appeared and took mine. "Your dad brought food."

It was the least the bastard could do. My father must have seen my expression, because he tried to call to me. "… Jae-"

"I don't want to talk to you right now," I snapped.

"Jaehyun! I'm your father, goddammit!"

I shut up. Despite my anger at him, I still couldn't quite overcome the pressure of filial respect.

"How much do you owe?" I asked, my voice barely audible. The moment the question left my lips, I felt horrified at myself that I had never bothered to ask before. Just like my mother, I had only ever given him money, never questioning how much he needed, or even how much he had actually been using to pay off the debt. It had felt like it was just my duty to do so, and to question it was an act of disrespect and rebellion.

"What?" he asked. My mother, who had heard, looked between us nervously and squeezed my hand.

"I said, how much do you owe?" I barely kept myself from shouting, but I hurled each word as sharply as I could.

My father stiffened. He sucked his teeth loudly, crudely. The silence hung heavy between us both.

"If I'm helping you to pay, the least you can do is tell me how much it is," I said, with much less emotion before. I had to know.

"About 900 million won," he answered quietly.

I clenched my fists, tight enough that I could feel my nails digging into my palms. How optimistic I had been. In all my years working, I had barely saved 30 million won, and with the missing amount, it was only 22 million. I needed almost a thirty times that to pay my fathers debt.

I thrust the box of my savings at him wordlessly. He took it, not understanding. In my haste to get up, I collapsed on my bad leg. Undeterred, I got up again and limped out of the house.

I walked as far as I could bear, then collapsed into a sitting position. I rested my head in my arms. I surrendered to despair. It really was hopeless. Even if the sum my father told me was principal and accumulated interest instead of just the principal, it would take years to pay it if I gave all my wages to it. I didn't want to know how much the weekly interest payments were. My mother had been laid off her old work so she was no longer making money. I paid the rent and the utilities and food now, but to keep on top of interest payments, none of my money could go to those anymore.

Not for the first time in my life, I wished I had never been born. I wished I had never existed. From the moment I had been born I had been doomed to a life of endless struggle. Beyond that, it seemed I was destined to face it all alone.

"Mom? Mom, can I give some money to this beggar?" The voices of a child and her mother had been walking by but stopped in front of me. Was she talking about me? I ducked my head further under my arms. Tell her no, I mentally urged the mother. I'm not a beggar.

"I don't know, honey… let's just go." The right answer, I thought. But there was a small commotion and the child pulled away from her mother.

She laid something papery on my hand. I looked up, ready to say she didn't need to give me anything. She smiled at me. "Good luck," she said, as she scurried back to her mother.

I protested, but the mother was already ushering the child away quickly. She cast a scared glance behind at me, and I felt incredulous. No one had ever had any reason to be afraid of me.

She had left me a pair of wadded up ten thousand won bills. What kind of child had that kind of money on them? They must have been well off. They were long gone, so I just put the money in my pocket guiltily. I always earned my own money, whether it had been through theft or honest work. I had never asked anyone for money, ever.

I froze at the thought. No. I had asked someone for money once. My brother. Mr. Do and Mr. Park's advice suddenly came back to me. Cut ties. Live with your brother. We hadn't spoken in years now, but surely he would be sympathetic to my plight. Taejun had experienced first hand what I was dealing with, too.

I still didn't have any of his contact information, but I knew he was in Busan, at the University of Foreign Studies. That was a start. I felt dizzy at the idea of travelling to Busan, with near to no information or funds. But it was a chance. A chance better than what I had here.

Giddy, I got up. It was a long trek to the long distance bus station, the somehow in my delirium, I was able to persevere despite the pain in each step.

The station ran late into the night with overnight bus rides, and I rejoiced to finally limp in and up to the ticket counter. "How much for the next bus to Busan?" I asked.

The woman at the counter seemed taken aback at the sight of me but typed in something in her computer. I clutched the pair of bills a child had given me, ready to throw them down the moment she gave me the ticket price.

"Twenty-four thousand won," she said.

I froze. I didn't have enough. The hope that had fueled my journey here suddenly expelled like a popped balloon. I put my hands into my pockets. I'll save face by pretending to look for my wallet, I thought to myself. Then I'll say I was robbed. I do look like I just came out of a mugging. Wait.

I stared dumbfoundedly at the five thousand won bill I pulled out of my pocket. I never kept money in my pocket other than payday to give to my mother. How did this get in here? The counter lady batted her eyes at me in placid patience, and I fumbled over the money.

As she printed my ticket, my head whirled with confusion and celebration. By some miracle, just the right amount had been in my pocket. It didn't seem likely that it had been left behind from yesterday when Han Jungho and his lackey had come in and beaten us. The bills Mr. Do gave me were bigger notes.

Happiness carried me up into the bus and settled over me like a cloud. For some reason, I thought of the man who had bought me a dosirak all those years ago. The universe is telling me I'm in the right path again, I thought feverishly. I allowed myself to become optimistic that a better future awaited me in Busan. As I gazed out at the night lights passing by through the window, I felt fully and utterly blissful for the first time in a long time.