Chapter 42: Realizations

Severus Snape's office, one week before Christmas break

"I don't know what to do. I-I- I'm-"

"Draco. Calm down. Breath slowly. Calm down"

Draco did, gulping air at first before his breathing slowed. After a few minutes, he started again.

"I'm gonna have to kill again. I always thought it would be easy, nothing. Just a muggle. But I killed him. And I see his face, and I can't sleep" his voice was rising, shaking, "and I remember it, and I don't even know his name, and-"

"You discovered," Snape said, "that murder is far easier in the abstract than in reality"

Draco nodded. Now that he was actually speaking about it, all traces of the dignity that had been bred into him had faded. Tears poured down his face.

"It gets easier"

"That's it? Meaningless-"

"It gets easier, Draco. You have no choice now, not really. You cannot simply turn aside from the path you have chosen. You would die in agony"

"But-I'm a Malfoy, the heir-"

Snape sighed. "Draco, the Dark Lord would feel no qualms whatsoever about ending your line. He would have no qualms about torturing your entire family to death. Families mean nothing to him. Only service does"

"What do I do?" Draco whispered, looking like he had been slapped.

"You could go to Dumbledore, tell him everything. You would spend the rest of your life hated by one side of the war, and never fully trusted by the other"

Draco looked at him in disbelief.

"You could run away. Far, far away. Out of Europe. The Americas, Africa, or Australia. Join the Wizarding community there. Live incognito. You would have nothing, literally be starting from scratch"

Draco opened his mouth, Snape didn't give him a chance to speak.

"Or you could continue onward. Learn to live with your choices and actions"

"How?"

"You were always taught that muggles are animals, were you not?"

"Yes"

"Tell yourself that. Whenever you see the man you killed, tell yourself what a disgusting animal he was. How you were doing the world a favor by ridding it of him. And when that doesn't work, use Occlumency. Clear your mind of all emotions. And if that fails, tell yourself this: it is them or you. In time, you will find it is far, far easier"

"Really?"

"Draco, you are not the first to suffer emotionally after taking a life. And you will not be the last. Keep telling yourself, you have no choice. Either you kill these muggles, or the Dark Lord kills you"

Draco looked slightly better.

"We will discuss this again, a week after you return from break. In the meantime, do as I have said. Let me know if you feel it is urgent"

Draco didn't say anything for a while. Snaps waited. There was something else, something Draco wanted to talk about.

"I'm worried about Harry," he said finally.

"Why?"

"He's been-ever since summer, he's been different. More moody. His jokes have changed too. Much more violent. And he-he-"

Draco inhaled sharply.

"In our first Defence lesson-"

"I know about Harry's boggart, Draco"

Draco looked at him.

"Do you know what he did after he ran out of the class?"

Something bubbled within Snape. Fear.

He shook his head.

"He conjured rabbits. And he tortured them. He said it made him feel better"

"Has he discussed his Boggart's with you?"

"No. Pansy found him outside. She saw what he was doing. He threatened her, told her not to tell. Told her to tell us all that if we talk about his boggart, he'd-he'd"

"He would do what?"

"He'd kill us. And he would, too. I know him. He'd do it, the way he is now"

"I will talk with Harry"

"Sir, I'm-"

"Draco. I will talk with Harry. This is not unexpected. It still is worrying. Thank you for bringing it to my attention"

' I only hope it isn't too late'

Zabini residence

Chiara Zabini pilled her head out of the fireplace, feeling dizzy.

Any firecall gave an uncomfortable feeling, and an international one only made it far worse. She had just finished her fifteenth call over the last few hours.

' At least I'm done with Italy, for now'

She gave herself a few minutes to rest, sipping her tea before she would begin contacting Greece, and after that, Spain.

It was exhausting work.

' But one does not turn aside the Dark Lord's requests'

Durmstrang Institute, headmaster's office

Igor Karkaroff raises his glass with trembling fingers. He drank, the firewhiskey burning as it went down. It soothed him, but not enough. He would have to get blind drunk for it to be enough.

He had thought the Durmstrang wards impenetrable. Oh, they weren't quite on the level of Hogwarts', but still.

And the Dark Lord had casually walked through them like they were not even there.

And the Dark Lord was back.

He'd always known, on some level, that gone though he may be, his master was not dead. The continued existence of his Mark served to prove that.

But he'd allowed himself to hope. To hope that the mark would never fade, that it was not just tied to the Dark Lord, but to everyone bearing one.

He'd allowed himself to hope.

"Hope is the ambition of the weak," he said and cackled.

He drank some more.

And the Dark Lord had come to him. And had not been pleased with him.

It wasn't surprising, not really. After all, he had betrayed so many of his fellows.

But now he had a way forward.

He would be allowed to serve, again. He would be protected from those he had sent to Azkaban.

He shivered, thinking of Rookwood's dead eyes.

He had many, many contacts throughout Europe. He knew many who would be happy to serve his Lord.

It was time to start making calls.

He grabbed his box of Floo powder and turned towards the fire.

Malfoy Manor

Lord Voldemort sat and thought. His plans were progressing well. Faster than expected. Once Severus finished brewing his potion, Barty could be freed, and their work would move along at a greater pace.

' And I will not be making the same mistakes as last time. I will not focus all my energy in Britain, allowing the rest of Europe to give aid and gather strength. No, I believe they will be having their own problems to deal with'

He smiled. The work truly was progressing well.

Perhaps he would even actually protect Igor, after all.

Perhaps not. His people in Azkaban deserved a home thrown to them when they got out.

' What do I tell Potter? The truth? He will learn it soon enough if all goes well. This must be done very, very carefully. He cannot turn against me'

Lord Voldemort began to plan what exactly he would say to Harry after the initiation.

And outside his room, Lucius Malfoy was writing a letter, to be sent to a cousin in France.

And Narcissa was firecalling Germany.

The Dark Lords web stretched over Europe.

And no-one was aware.