Emptiness

Year: ???

…

"Ouch!"

My head hurts…

While half awake I slowly rubbed my eyes with my hands that felt numb.

My vision was blurry, my eyes were tired, my body was exhausted and both my arms and legs didn't want to move.

While staring at my hands, I began to talk. 

"W-where am I?"

As soon as I realized that I could speak I was overjoyed for some reason, I didn't know why, but it felt refreshing.

With the overjoyed realization, I screamed at the top of my lungs.

"Aaaaaaah!"

There wasn't a proper reason why I did it, I just felt like doing it.

It felt like I didn't talk for a long time, and that I was unable to as well.

Tears also began falling out of my eyes like a big waterfall when I realized I could see. Once again it felt like I was somewhere where it was so dark that you couldn't even see your body parts.

My vision started to get more and more clear after the tears began rolling out of my eyes. It felt like this was my first time seeing things.

My body began to lose the will to stand after using all my strength to scream. Slowly, I kneeled on the dirty ground, the sensation of the ground wasn't that bad though. 

My tears slowly started to fall, I'm not quite sure though why I was overjoyed.

My eyes were swollen red from the tears, my lungs almost dislocated after that scream. Yet I felt great for some reason.

…

…

Wait…

Who am I again?

Where am I?

The only thing I remembered was suffering, the intense pain, an eternal hell. A place where time doesn't exist, a place where nothing worked. 

But why was I there again? And was that just a dream? … I couldn't recall what happened before I got here, it was as if someone just simply removed my memories.

I couldn't remember anything about myself, not even my age and name…

There wasn't a single thing I could think of, but there was A man that I recalled in my memories; though the only thing I knew was that he had a scar above his eyes, as for the rest I don't know. I'm not sure what kind of relationship I have with him, but it feels kind of weird.

It was hopeless… I don't even know who I am. Is this perhaps what you call a reincarnation?

No… That wouldn't make sense, I don't have any previous memories of what happened beforehand.

It feels like someone just simply erased my memories out of existence.

And yet I feel great, the feeling of being released from an eternal punishment that I don't even remember.

…

After realizing my situation I scanned the area around, and as expected I didn't recognize anything at all.

There were a lot of people wandering around, some stared at, some just ignored and walked further.

There were small houses everywhere, it looked like I was in a poor neighborhood compared to the buildings behind it. Towering skyscrapers were behind the small buildings, compared to the skyscrapers the small houses were like ants, it was so high that you couldn't even see the end of it. The towering skyscrapers were even above the clouds, that's how huge they are. But the houses in front of me looked so small, I didn't even think a single person could properly live in them.

The sky was filled with shining stars that glowed through the city—or whatever I was in. My eyes were completely focused on them, once again it felt like my first time seeing beautiful stars, for some reason everything felt like a first-time experience.

However from the outside I didn't give a reaction, but from the inside, I was delighted at the beautiful sky with the shining stars. My eyes were so focused on the stars that I didn't even realize the full moon that was right next to it, once again it felt new, a first-time experience. The full moon and the shining stars made a great combination, it was so relaxing that I felt comfortable.

While staring at the beautiful sky, my mind was still focused on something else; my identity. I knew absolutely nothing about it, not even a single memory.

People began gathering behind me as I enjoyed my view, some were recording and the others were whispering about me. This made it clear that I was an outcast, no something even worse; an alien.

Whisper—!

They were all making either a disgusted face or an expression full of confusion.

"H-hey, who's that?"

"Get away!"

"…Ew!"

"What is wrong with his clothes!"

"The hell is wrong with that creep…"

"Never seen somebody like that."

People were questioning my identity, but people were mostly criticizing me.

But for some reason, it felt normal, a feeling that usually happens. I don't recall anything like that happening, and yet I feel like I'm used to it.

It was as if I'd experienced this before.

I just wanted to enjoy my view, but the crowd kept getting bigger. Indeed everything about me was different from the people; the clothes, shoes, everything… But it's not like I wanted to be like them.

The combination of the moon and the stars created a great atmosphere, but it was quickly ruined by the crowds.

I just sighed, I guess it couldn't be helped, it was for a short moment yet it calmed me down and made me realize how beautiful things were. I wish I could enjoy the sight a bit longer, but the crowd kept interfering.

A part of me felt disappointed as if I expected more of society. Indeed they judged me, just by looking at my clothes and shoes.

My clothes were indeed a bit small and my shoes didn't fit either, it was as if my body had grown out of them. I have adult features, but something inside me wanted to tell me that I'm a kid.

If my clothes are the problem, I want to get new ones, but the real problem is the money that I don't have. Who would even hire a guy like, someone who has zero experience and no memories?

But somehow I can think properly, and I have knowledge about stuff that I have no memories of. There must have been something that happened to me that triggered my memory loss, otherwise, it wouldn't make sense.

…

Slowly but steadily the crowd started to move, and I could finally relax again. It wasn't cold but it wasn't hot either, the wind gave a perfect breeze which made everything go well together, it was simple, but calming at the same time.

Sitting on a bench while enjoying the smooth breeze was refreshing. Something inside told me that I wanted to experience it beforehand, but it was impossible to do so.

While enjoying the new experiences, I was thinking about the future, and most importantly my memories. It feels like I've forgotten something important that I needed to know.

What I need to do is first of all; recover the memories that seemed important to me. If I get it back I might know the reason why I'm here and who I am.

I'm going to find out who I am.

The evidence that "I" exists is my knowledge and mind that I have.

…

After sitting on the bench for a while I started to get cold, the smooth breeze turned into a wind, and the weather worsened.

I started to shiver, goosebumps crawled across my skin sending a shiver down my spine. I quickly wrapped my arm around myself, but it did little to stop the shivers that shook me from head to toe.

"Z-z-z"

My breath came out in shaky clouds, each exhale misting in the cold air. Despite the clothes I had, the cold pierced through me. Making my hands tremble uncontrollably.

While I was wrapping my arm around myself I noticed a kind of old-looking man slowly approaching me.

He has long white hair, and brown eyes that look very sharp, it looks like he has been through a lot.

…

Footsteps—!

My guess was correct.

Without even looking at my eyes he questioned.

"Excuse me, can I sit here?"

I nodded. 

"… Yes, you can."

There wasn't a reason to decline, but it just surprised me since there were other benches that he could sit on.

The other people seemed to hate me, I wonder if it's the same for him.

Is he here to criticize me? 

No… From the look of his face, he isn't the one that would do that.

The atmosphere was awkward, I didn't know if I should talk to him or just stay quiet.

Suddenly he turned his gaze to me and said:

"The moon is nice isn't it."

After hearing that I quickly nodded, agreeing that it was a great sight.

"Even after seeing it over a million times, it still doesn't get old, I would enjoy the view every day."

He doesn't seem to criticize me at all, which is a good sign of course.

He suddenly shoved a coat at me.

"You're cold aren't you."

"It's fine."

I humbly tried to decline, shoving it back at him.

"…Are you sure? I saw you shivering, your hands were trembling and you were hugging yourself…"

He got me, I was indeed feeling cold, but taking things from a stranger isn't good. Still, I might even get sick from the cold weather.

"Are you sure? Well… At least let me return something."

I was saying that but I knew I had nothing to offer.

He just simply sighed after hearing that.

"Are you going to take it or not?"

"Then I'll gratefully accept it."

I quickly wore the coat, it was old, but it was still cozy enough to keep me warm.

He surely was different from the rest of the people; not only did he not criticize me like the rest, but he also gave me a coat.

"Thank you for your kindness! May I know your name?"

"It's Hiroshi Maerlyin."