Conflicted and self-realisation

At times, he'd act all kind and playful but the very next moment he'd turn into a sadistic man who could only obtain pleasure from dominating women through humiliating them.

Which side of him was the real him?

Was he fucking bipolar or something?!

Feeling his head hurt from thinking such things, Yang Shen began remembering when it was that he actually felt like himself in his memories.

Once he began thinking about this, there was one particular memory which immediately surfaced in his mind.

On that day, like always he finished taking care of Lin Meng's herbs when she appeared with messy hair and puffed up eyes, which was the same way she looked soon after waking up.

After coming out and seeing that Yang Shen finished his work, she invited him inside to have the breakfast which she finished cooking.

Going inside after he finished cleaning his hands, Yang Shen and Lin Meng like always are a tasty breakfast which was quite fulfilling to both of their huge appetites possessing stomachs as well.

Chuckling a little as he remembered how he and Lin Meng would enter a war of the chopsticks and fight for food, Yang Shen continued reliving through the pleasant memory.

After the two of them finished eating, Yang Shen was going to leave like always when he saw Lin Meng stretching her neck and shoulders.

Upon inquiring, he learnt from her that her shoulders and neck hurt from refining pills all the time.

Thus, he offered to massage her, which he did right away with literally zero perverted intentions.

Sure the memory wasn't something which could be classified as the greatest one or the best one either, but it was quite heartwarming and made him realize what his true self was.

At the same time, Yang Shen after realizing which part of him was his true self begins reflecting on how he behaves the past two months after he understood that he was manipulated by Zhi Rou.

Just because he was scared about the same thing happening again, he no longer behaved like usual and started dominating women as if to show them who the one 'in charge' was.

Completely ignoring how it was that they felt, Yang Shen despite not being the kind who was all about having sex only with a woman who loved him felt a very conflicted at everything he did.

As for that sadistic side of his, though fun at times, behaving like that the entire time had him feeling quite exhausted.

It was almost as if he was forcing himself to behave like that.

After all, he wasn't the kind who'd use force and fear to dominate a woman.

He wanted to travel the world and sleep with as many beautiful women as possible

In short, a life of fun and happiness

So why was he behaving so seriously the past few weeks?!

Instead of living his life by each day and enjoying himself to the fullest, he spent every minute each day as if he was an employee who was doing his job.

Doing everything just to complete the system quests, and not for his own satisfaction, what he was doing was the same as living a life to serve the system and not for himself.

Just because he was insecure, he was trying to act like someone he wasn't and hid behind a facade by using the system quests as a reason for why he was behaving like that.

How pathetic...

Looking more depressed than before as he came to a realization, Yang Shen didn't know if he should laugh or cry at how he had spent the past two months.

If he was going to behave like this just because someone got the better of him one time, how was he ever going to turn his dream into a reality?

He is who he is, and he'll live the way he wants to!

…

Waking up on his bed by himself for the first time in a while, Yang Shen who rediscovered himself didn't miss the warmth of having two women on either side of him.

Instead, he felt his senses seem clearer than usual as he sat up straight and soon left his courtyard to go to the mountain's peak to collect some Spirit Water before heading to Elder Lin's courtyard.

Like always, he began tending to the herb garden as soon as he entered the courtyard, but in comparison to the previous days Yang Shen looked more bright and warm under the early rays of the sun.

And he felt as good as he looked as well, due to which he finished his work sooner than usual and therefore entered the courtyard after cleaning his hands.

….

"Nanananananan…"

Humming a tune as she focussed on cooking breakfast for her and Yang Shen, Lin Meng herself couldn't believe how happy she was to cook breakfast for someone else.

To her who never loved anyone after spending her entire youth focussed on learning the way of alchemy and mastering it, Yang Shen was someone who was making her feel once again.

She shared her stories with him, and heard his own stories.

She withheld nothing about her past, while she could sense that Yang Shen was hiding some details, which was most likely related to the women he slept with.

At the same time, she could also sense that there was another huge secret he was keeping from her. But she never once called him out on it and simply smiled since she knew he was going to share it with her when he was ready to do so.

Hearing the sound of the door being opened and sensing Yang Shen come in, Lin Meng right away realized that he finished his work sooner than usual today.

Smiling sweetly as she thought of how great of a genius he was, and acted like he couldn't even do a simple thing properly just to make sure that she would wake up early every day and meet him, Lin Meng continued with cooking.