Chapter 34

Wednesday: 10 February

Its late night and I'm having a conversation with Trevis over the phone, it's a conversation we've had before but right now it's not just a conversation, it's real. It's a conversation about what you'd do as an individual when you find yourself in a position where you red-handedly find your partner cheating.

"Cheating isn't the only thing that breaks people apart, but it's the worst thing anyone could go through", I say.

"Yeah I get that, but what would you do in a suitation of red-handedly finding me cheating?", he asks.

"There's nothing really that I'd do, except to walk away. I've actually lost all energy when it comes to cheating boyfriends", I reply.

Around June 2019, Duncan cheated on me, I actually had to go through his phone without him knowing to find that out. While he was dead sleeping, I went through his Whatsapp. Trust me, I never should have done that, but it was the only way to find out what he's up to. I found out there's a bunch of girls he's talking to. I went through all the numbers he haven't saved to his phone book but one caught my attention. With this girl they were talking like there's more going on between them. They were calling one another petnames and saying the fuckin' L word.

Gosh I felt so disgusted, the more I read the more I fumed. I got so upset and so angry. Right under my nose, right under my fucken nose.

"Well, I've got the worst method of dealing with cheating", Travis says pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?",

"If I ever catch you cheating, there's a lot I could do", he says. That actually confuse me. What does that even mean? What's a lot?

"What would you do?", I ask. I'm corious but I sense I won't like what he'll say due to the fact that I'm getting upset. He haven't said anything but here I am getting upset.

"Nah", the lines goes quiet for a few seconds. "It's best not to tell you",

"Is it that bad?", I ask.

"I don't think you'd like it", he says.

"Oh come on, just spit it out", I snap. It's just a conversation but it upsets me. "We just sharing thoughts, no big deal",

"If you cheat, you'd get to see a different side of me", he says. He sounds serious even though he keeps chuckling to cover how serious he sounds.

Suddenly my heart beats faster, out of fear. "Are you gonna tell me or what?",

"I'd burn you under your feet", he says.

"Burn me under my feet?", I gasp.

"Yeah, with a hot iron", he adds.

"And how would you do that? Am I that stupid to cheat and still stick around for you to burn my feet?",

"You'd want to explain your side obviously", he chuckles.

"Then what would you tell my family?", I'm fuming, his method is messed up. That's a fucked up move to ever try and do to someone. "How will you even get me home",

"I'll drive you and drop you near your gate, you'd have to call your parents to pick you up since you won't be able to walk",

The line becomes quiet. I don't know what to say. I know how painful it is to cheat and I know how it can destroy someone. But I'd never physically hurt anyone for it. I'd rather walk away. Nothing hurt than being wrong and losing someone valuable. Let karma deal with those who hurt you.

And seriously, I don't wanna spend the rest of my life with someone like that.

I've had enough with messed up people. After cheating on Duncan everything changed. He had a fucked up mindset that all girls cheat, all girls are liers, but that's even way better than a person who'd physically hurm another person. God no! I can't deal with that.

Makes me think that there's a lot he might do. This guy might kill me in my sleep. How the hell do I be comfortable with him with that fucked up mindset of his? That's a real nasty side of him, I'm disgusted.

"That's fucked up. How do you even think of that?", I snap. I'm upset.

"What?", he chuckles.

"It's not funny. What kind of person are you?",

"Do you see why I didn't wanna tell you?", he says.

"Well, that doesn't change what I've heard. That's truly fucked up", I say. As I think about it, it's the more I get upset. I can't pretend. I can't do it with him. "I can't be with someone like that",

"You can't be with me?", he asks. "You know, I didn't mean to scare you",

"I can't", I shake my head.

He chuckles. "I was only kidding", he says.

"You can't be kidding about something like that", I reply.

When I found out Duncan is cheating, I wanted to dump him and move on. I just felt he betrayed me just when I had strong feelings for him. I thought moving on would be simple, but when I thought of it my heart sank. I couldn't imagine life without him. He did apologized and we tried to make it work.

Cheating destroys relationships, everyone knows that. It changes a person's point of view. Look at me now... I've got a different view with everything and everyone. After Duncan apologized we dated, but never trusted him. Most days I felt like he's still cheating. And just thinking about it makes me so mad.

"When you say you can't be with someone like that? Are you dumping me?", he asks, pulling me out of my thoughts, yet again.

"I'm saying I can't be with you if you hold on to that mindset", I answer.

I'm actually on work leave, it just started 2 days ago and I'll be home for 3 weeks. It's just to clear my mind if I'm being honest. I've been shit tired if you ask me. I'm exhausted emotionally, physically, psychologically, you name it.

Travis will be taking leave too and the thought of that makes my blood boil. Gosh, the dirty things we'll be doing on his bed and all over his house, I can't imagine. We planned it, the whole leave thing is to spend time together.

Valentine is coming up this coming Sunday. I know Travis is planning something, I can feel it. But now that I'm hearing this, the fact that he's got a harmful side of him, I'm not sure anymore. Its not like I'll push all this to the side and fuck around with him. What if I make a mistake, apart from cheating but what if I mess up in a hurtful way, emotionally. He'd burn me alive that's for sure. He could hurt me for anything wrong that I'd do to him. I'm also human as much as he is, I'm not perfect.

...

Friday: 12 February

He's from work. I've been bored all day, and I loved it. Doing nothing feels good when it's needed.

"Your car is outside", Kourtney yells from the kitchen door. I'm in my room and I've been getting ready for Travis to get here.

"I know", I shout back to Kourtney.

I'm still around my room looking for something proper to wear, its been raining all day so I have no idea what to put on.

I finally decide on sweat pants, with a cropped top and I head out. It's still too hot for jackets and boots.

As I walk past my parents and my brother, I stop to say my goodbye and goodnight.

"When are we having that braai pork again?", Kourtney asks.

"Tomorrow, I think that's what he said",

"Alright", he nods. "I'd hate for him to postpone again", he adds. With the rain lately, most things done outdoors have been postponed.

"Got it", I nod. "I'll pass those words to him", I keep nodding as I walk out. My mum has been moody these days, so I don't wanna linger longer till she flips to her moody self.

Trevis is parked a few houses up the road. I start dodging all the potholes as I make my way to him. It's still raining but it's not that heavy. As I get closer the passenger door of his car opens.

"Oh man", I say as I settle on the passenger seat, dusting the rain drops off me. "I almost got wet",

"Yeap", he nods. "Almost",

He drives off to his gran's. Along the way he calls his best friend Sarki to check on him. They actually talk till we get to his grans place. As we arrive, he parks the car in the garage and we walk in. I head to the living room, leaving him behind.

"Hey", I turn to see Travis walking down the hallway, pulling off his t-shirt. "I've missed you", he says as he gets closer to me.

"Oh", I'm surprised by his move. I wasn't expecting all this.

He leans down to place a kiss on my lips and I let him. The kiss is a bit awkward, from how he came walking towards me it should have been fire, but nah, something is off, and that's all on me.

"What's wrong?", he asks. He's probably sensing my mood.

"I'm hungry", I reply with a half smile.

He smirks. "You're always hungry", he picks me up placing me on his waist, then settles on the couch behind us. "Wanna go buy that Vege pizza at that food tuckshop?", he gestures to the direction of that pizza shop.

"Nope. But you can go buy it", I smile at him. I'm actually not in any mood to go out.

I get off his lap and head to the bedroom, as I get there I waste no time and dig around his wardrobe for some old t-shirt to wear. I pull out the biggest and ugly one which reaches my thighs. "Eww, gross", I whisper to myself as I check my reflection from the mirror.

"Oh wow", Travis busts into laughter. He's now standing behind me and I have no idea how he got here without me hearing his footsteps. "You're that short huh", he mocks still laughing.

"You that tall huh", I mimic his voice and we both laugh.

"Come on", he pulls my hand just after taking a breath from all the laughing. "I think I have something we might eat in the fridge",

He opens the door fridge and pulls out a plate of deep fried chicken wings. "Meat?", he asks and I just stare at that goofy smile on his face. "I know how much of a fan you are", I glance at his dimples and smile. He's so gorgeous with those holes on his cheeks. "I could go buy something else while-", I snatch the plate from his hands and start selecting a piece to devour first.

"You could add some chips and pap", I say as I take a huge bite.

He laughs then pulls out another plate from the fridge. "You got everything sorted huh?", I say as I notice it's chips and pap.

"I'm a mind reader", he jokes. "I guess some how I knew what you'd wanna eat", he grabs the chicken wings plate from my hold, placing it on the table then pulls me to his arms.

"I mean it when I say I've missed you", he slowly places his lips on mine. Still, it's somehow different.

"Can we go eat now?", I say pulling out of the kiss. He shakes his head then leans for another round of kissing. I let him for a few seconds then push him back. "I'm really hungry",

He still shakes his head, "Can't it wait?", his lips finds its way to mine and this time I push the awkwardness to the side and relax to his touch. The kiss is still different, I can't seem to enjoy it. I feel like I'm distructed but I have no idea what's distrusting me. I feel his hands move to my thighs, within seconds he picks me up placing me on the table behind him. Now that I've pushed all the unfamiliar distraction to the back of my head, I start to feel how juicy and soft his lips are.

Our kiss quickly fuels up, and next thing you know we'll be naked, having hot, steaming sex on poor grandpapa's old table.

"Babe please", I push him off me. "I'm hungry", I say, making him sigh out some disappointment.

"Promise me one thing then", he says. "After dinner you'll kiss me longer, it has to cover the fact that I haven't kissed you for a week",

I nod.

"Why don't I trust you?", he asks with a crooked eyebrow.

I smile my best smile, "Trust me",

"Okay", he nods, then leans to kiss me but I look away making his lips land on my cheek. It's not that I don't wanna be affectionate with him or anything, it's just that I have my days. He takes my chhek, his lips soft, lingering longer than I thought. He moves from my cheek to my neck, creating some tingling feeling on my skin. His kisses slowly move up my neck and I relax, closing my eyes to enjoy it.

"Mmh", I release a soft moan. He grabs me tightly as he sucks my neck. His skin on mine feels amazing, it heats up my blood in ways I can't describe. He gently lays me on the table and just when I open my eyes, I see his face. "Duncan".