Chapter 6. To understand yourself

Returning to his room, he went to the window and looked out at the sun setting. His thoughts buzzed around him like a swarm of angry bees. 

How did he get here, who was he after all, why did he feel like a complete stranger despite all the knowledge he had gained, searching for any clue to his past. An empty, oppressive feeling filled him. 

He wondered if there was anyone who knew him, cared for him, loved him... Was it possible that he was being searched for right now, or was somebody just waiting somewhere? He couldn't have just appeared out of nowhere, could he?

But for some reason, every time he thought about it, a painful feeling clutched at his heart. It was as if... It was as if he didn't belong in this world. Everything was foreign and strange, from the creatures to the customs. From the herbs to the household tools, the book he'd glimpsed. 

And the books about the energy matter of this world confused him. All the words and descriptions seemed incomprehensible and distant. 

After all he had heard and learned, he finally realised one thing: he had to meet Elder Acer.

Unfortunately, he was unable to do so for the next month. Once he had understood the direct instruction not to go anywhere on his own, he became a virtual recluse in his assigned room and had time only to exchange a few sentences with the girls who periodically brought in food and cleaned up, though it was difficult because they blushed a lot when they talked and their speech became confused.

Once a day, Twinkle took him for a walk from his room to the library, and often wondered how he could read so much, for often all those tonnes of dusty knowledge were not needed in ordinary life. One day, the young man could not resist:

"And what do you think is important?" -Cornflower asked during another visit to the library.

"First of all, strength, physical and energetic, because if you have a high level of internal energy, you can reach the level of external subjugation. Here, look, a year ago I was able to cross this threshold," and she raised her hand in the direction of several corridor doors which, as if pushed by an invisible hand, began to open and close like applauding spectators.

 "It is not really too difficult, the whole difficulty begins when you face someone in a fight. "

"Have you ever experienced this?" 

Cornflower asked, looking at her slightly sideways.

"Only training fights. Once I almost defeated Betula, Quercus' apprentice, but she was still stronger than me," she smiled wryly. "I had to clean the barn for a month after that fight."

"Anyway, you must be very strong, can I ask you to give me some lessons?"

The girl looked at the stubby young man, without wings or even a hint of energy, in disbelief. In her eyes, he was more suited to wear the robes of a monarch in the exotic gardens of the outside world than to stand on the battlefield. 

"We can't take apprentices..." she corrected with a cough, "apprentices until we've completed our training and served a year in a border city, but it's often only after several years of wandering that bird-women take on apprentices. So I'm sorry to have to turn you down. But I have good news for you, I've spoken to Mentor and she's willing to meet with you tonight."

"I'm very grateful to Elder Twinkle."

For some reason, this official phrase from her interlocutor gave the girl cold shivers.

"Please, you may call me by my first name. You're not one of us, so there's no need to exchange titles."

The library was deserted as usual, but only at first glance. 

Cornflower had long since noticed that several pairs of eyes followed him relentlessly at times. 

Since they were not particularly intrusive, neither he nor Twinkle, who did not like to pry into other people's business unless it was a direct order from her Mentor, paid any attention. 

The reason for such interest was understandable- a living male representative in Sacred Arbor was fantastic.

Looking forward to the meeting with the Elder, Cornflower couldn't think of anything else but tonight. 

So, armed with a few books, he diligently began to draw out a thin text, echoing what was written. A kind of penmanship lesson to improve his concentration.

When the time came, Twinkle came back for him and took him straight to the Mentor.

This time they came to a brand-new spiral corridor, with endless doors and branches of blooming flower lights, and a carpet of moss underfoot, so soft it made him want to take off their shoes and walk barefoot.

Reaching a door with a faint glow, Twinkle stopped in front of it in reverent awe. 

"Cornflower, you have been honoured, Mentor has invited you to the very heart of the Sacred Arbor, only the Eldest of the Council of Elders can set foot there after all vows have been taken. I don't know for what honour, but please be polite and don't do anything foolish."

Having assured her of his good thoughts and pure intentions, he pushed open the door and stepped into the impenetrable light. As soon as he was inside, the door slammed shut. Twinkle bowed to the door and said:

"I have completed my errand, Mentor," and quickly left.

As Cornflower's eyes adjusted to the light, he saw an infinite number of glowing threads descending from the ceiling. Their light did not cut his eyes, but seemed to soothe them. As he approached them, they parted to let him into the room, where the Elder Acer sat on her knees in the centre with her eyes closed. Her body was woven with threads and she seemed to glow from within.

"Welcome to the heart of our home, Cornflower." 

 She opened her eyes and smiled, "Is that your real name?

"No, that's the first thing I saw when I woke up in this place. Thank you, Elder Acer, for your time! I have so many questions, I really don't know where to start. I, I, I... "

He had replayed this conversation so many times in his mind that he did not know where to begin, and then he blurted out: 

"Take me on as an apprentice!"

The woman smiled softly and shook her head:

"I'm afraid I have no right to take you as an apprentice, but I know someone who is willing to teach you. And by the way, you have chosen a beautiful name, it suits you. Sit down next to me, it's time you got to know each other," 

She pointed to the seat on her right.

As soon as he sat down where she had indicated, the threads dangling from the ceiling immediately attracted him, as if he had been magnetised. The young man jerked aside in a moment of fear, but the woman's gentle touch reassured him. Meanwhile, the threads twined around him like vines around tree trunks, and the tickle made him squirm.

Then he felt it - a touch on his consciousness, like the touch of a petal in the wind on his cheek.

"Hello, child."

A thin child's voice sang in his mind, making his eyes widen. 

"Don't be afraid, I am the spirit of this place, my name is Zhiva, I will not harm you. Hmm, you're interesting.... "

"Are you the Sacred Tree?"

"Yes and no. Rather, this tree is my vessel and refuge, but my gaze is directed wherever there is pure natural energy."

Having calmed down a little, Cornflower continued:

"Do you know who I am?"

"Yes and no. That you belong to the Ancient race is certain, but who exactly you are is a mystery even to me. I've never seen you or your spirit form in another form before. But the most interesting part is the curse that's been placed on you."

"Please tell me about it, what is it? How do I break it?"

"It would be difficult for me to explain, I'm not sure I can see or understand it fully. It seems that the curse itself is confused about its intentions and has tangled a few threads around your essence," the Spirit replied evasively, "but what I can tell you for certain is that you are forbidden to kill beings of human level or above, or your essence will be completely destroyed. In simple words, you will be reduced to ashes."

Cornflower was taken aback by what he heard, and this made him think deeply. By nature, he was a soft man and thought he could hardly kill anyone, but if the curser deliberately made such rules, there must be a good reason for it. 

"Can you help me get my memory back?"

"Yes and no. I can't, but I can try to teach you how to control your power even with mixed flows. Gradually, as you learn to control it, you can try to untangle the tangle inside you. It is quite possible that memory will come. But in your case it will be very painful, are you ready for that?"

"Yes.", he replied without hesitation.

"Then hold on... Let the first lesson begin."

And suddenly he was plunged headlong into the shining stream. Realising that he was floating on an endless whirlpool of light, the young man instinctively reached out his hand, and in a flash he could see the flashing images: A coniferous forest covered with a thick layer of snow. 

Change of image: A small vole digging hastily in the grass to find food. 

Picture change: A small river ripples through the bushes, with twisted inflorescences of water pepper above. 

A flash and another landscape: Rare rays of sunlight illuminate a clearing in a thicket of whispering bamboo. Again the picture changed and he was high up in the mountains, looking down from the snow-covered summit into the sprawling valley. 

He tried to come back, but he was drawn deeper and there was another change of image, but not the same as before, he clearly heard the sound of dragonfly wings, the intoxicating scent of herbs and whispering, barely audible, but it enveloped him, he walked forward along the water's edge and as soon as his gaze fell on the surface he froze, a big-eyed, massive beaver looked at him in the reflection. 

"Aaah!"

 He only managed to get out as he was jerked out of there. He found himself in a bright room with no windows or doors. Opposite him, arms crossed over his chest and leaning against the wall, stood a hairless, sexless creature in a light tunic. It was small, almost a head shorter than Cornflower.

It seemed to have a myriad of sunlit serpents running beneath its skin. Zhiva smiled at its expression and said in a childish voice:

"You're curious, don't rush, you're not ready for such a deep dive, the consequences may be unpredictable for you."

"What the hell is this? "

"You've just travelled through the energy streams of Epimetheus, connecting everything made of true natural energy."

"I was a beaver?! Can I inhabit a human like that?"

The Spirit replied chuckling:

 "No, of course, travelling through the streams you can only touch bits of energy from grasses, shrubs, trees and some animals that for some reason have not been tainted by the natural power of other sources. That is, not in direct contact with the human and near-human races. Unfortunately, such places and animals are becoming fewer and fewer, but this world has already passed the point of no return, what a pity..."

"...?! What about the Ancients, my... My tribesmen? They're supposed to keep the balance, aren't they?"

"Much to my regret, I cannot answer that question, the Ancients have lost some of their power since the First War, and right now my threads cannot reach them, they cut them off when they left," he said, a note of bitter resentment in his voice. 

"Tell me how to find them. They keep telling me I'm an Ancient, but I remember nothing! Absolutely nothing! Please, I really need to find them, to find out who I am and where I came from."

There was a moment's silence, and the spirit toyed with a small leaf that seemed to come out of nowhere.

"I can only help you with your injuries, help you understand yourself and rediscover your abilities, but not find the Ancients. You must do that for yourself. Unfortunately, my creators have abandoned me. My only concern now is for those who remain with me. For their protection and prosperity. So I will ask something in return. When you have regained your power, you must cleanse the polluted places of their filth. It may be unpleasant, but it will slow down the worsening imbalance in the world. Think carefully, are you ready for this?"

"I am willing, especially when it's been part of my duties before."

"Well, you gave your word, don't go back on it. Now go, come back when you can move."

And with these strange words everything faded away, Cornflower found himself back in the room with the hanging threads. Elder Acer was standing next to him, looking at him worriedly. The young man, who only an hour ago had been radiant with health, was pale as death, with blue circles under his eyes and a shaking body that he could not stop trembling. He was dizzy, his lungs burning with every breath, his heart pounding wildly. How could he not have noticed this before? Suddenly his throat tightened and he vomited a great deal of blood and fainted.