Entry: 15th of August, 1809

Morning

I do not like Herr Thomas. Mama said he is a good man, but he is not a good man. He is a liar! He calls my home "das Osmanische Reich". He's wrong. Me and Mama didn't live in a place with such a long name. We lived in Al-Qahira. He knows nothing. He always pretends to smile. He speaks a strange language. I hate him.

But I hate Mama even more. She is a bigger liar. She said we were going on a trip together. But she just brought me here to Herr Thomas and then she left again. To Al-Qahira. Without me. I hate Mama.

Herr Thomas said Mama is coming back soon. But I know she isn't. I knew since yesterday that Mama isn't coming back.

Yesterday, in the ship, Mama gave me a hug. Then, she cried. She never hugged me. Mama also never cried. Only once, when I was six, when she left me alone with our neighbour, Farida. Mama hugged me and then left me there and came back ten weeks later. She had a big scar on her back and became always angry. Until the day before yesterday, she was still always angry. But yesterday she was sad.

When Mama became always angry, I had to be a good girl so she didn't hit me. And yesterday, when I figured out that she was finally abandoning me, I tried to be the best good girl so she wouldn't leave me alone. I even used my favorite dress to wipe away the tea that Mama spilled in the train. But instead of making her happy, I saw her become even more sad. I didn't understand why.

Evening

Herr Thomas made me strange food for lunch. He also talked to me strangely. His 'R's are all 'Gh' sounds. I told him and he laughed really loudly and said that he was practicing. Then I told him that Mama doesn't like people laughing so loudly because she didn't like others being happy when she was angry and he suddenly became very sad. So I didn't say anything anymore. After a while, Herr Thomas said not to blame my Mama too much. That she had it hard. That she did her best. He said people weren't very nice to her back home, in "das Osmanische Reich". I didn't say anything.

Midnight

After I went to bed, I had a magic outburst. Usually those are fine because Mama could absorb my magic, but Mama abandoned me and wasn't there anymore. Herr Thomas said he couldn't help because he wasn't a witch. So I had to absorb the magic myself and couldn't sleep. Herr Thomas sat on my bed the entire time. My body hurt a lot. But I tried not to let myself cry because then I'd be a bad girl. Then Herr Thomas said; "It's okay, you can let it all out." And then I cried a lot while he hugged me.