Courting Disaster

Good evening, sir. How was your day? Being a lawyer stinks, Geoffrey. No matter how good a job you do your clients still compare you to Harry Hamlin. Yes. The resemblance is quite striking. Come on, baby. Get on the soul train. I love this kind of dancing, it makes you feel so young. Doesn't that golden oldie take you way back? That was Papa's Got a Brand New Bag recorded 25 long years ago by James Brown the Granddaddy of Soul. We'll be right back after this message from Geritol. And the Fresh Prince drives down the court. He stops, he pops, and it's Yes! No. Will, don't play inside. You might break something. Or something might break you. I'm sorry. You don't have a hoop outside. And Jazz is getting tired of standing on the second-floor balcony holding a pool skimmer. Come on, Prince, man. I know a playground in my neighborhood. 'Course we can only play half-court. They use the other end to sell stolen appliances. Dope. Let's go. Hold on. We don't want you playing there. There's a perfectly good basketball court at the school, where Carlton is practicing. Carlton's on the basketball team? How do they do? They try hard, but to tell you the truth, they haven't won a game so far. Aunt Viv, don't you think if we went down to watch them practice Carlton would be a little embarrassed? - Let's go. - Let's go. All right. Good try! Man, these guys need help. Help? They need a telethon. He threw that ball to me. I'm on the other team. I'm supposed to try and get it. - You don't have to be rude about it. - You two, make up right now. All right, men. Another brilliant warm-up. Frankly, I think there's been way too much emphasis over the years on putting the ball actually through the hoop. So let's practice some passing. - Coach Smiley, may I have a minute? - Sure. All right, men, take five. Headmaster Thorvald, good afternoon. This is Barry O'Donnell. He's a distinguished alumnus and I'm encouraging him to donate money for a new gymnasium. Coach. What do you think the team's prospects are this year? For what? For winning. Excuse me. What about those two? You've been holding out on me. Now those are players. I'd like to meet them. Gentlemen. Not you. You two, come on over. I want you to meet somebody. Mr. Thorvald, straight up, about that fire alarm: I don't know who pulled it. Forget about it. I'd like you to meet two of Bel-Air Academy's newest recruits. This is Will Smith and Your name is Jazz, man. Of course, Mr. Jazzman. Will, where have you been hiding yourself? What do you mean? During gym class? No. I just wondered, how'd you two men like to join the school team? Man, I ain't even in this school. I'm willing to look past that if you are. Coach, he can't be on the team if he's not in school here. Okay. How about you, Will? I was just trying to find somewhere to play. You join this team, you can play here anytime you want. - No, I don't think so. - It'll look good on a college application. I don't know, Coach. All right. I'll give you my car. Okay, this is gonna be fun. The coach asked me to go through the playbook with you. Your team doesn't need a playbook. They need a prayer book. Now, pay attention. This is you and this is me. Carlton, you got it wrong already. It's more like this. This is me. And this is you. Fair enough. This is my brain and this is your brain. This is my handsome face. And this is your ugly little Frankenstein face. - Give me that chalk. - Come on, man, beat it. - Give it. - Ashley! Here, Ashley, finally there's an adult in the room. Guys, I'm trying to study. What are you doing? - Keep away from Carlton. - Over here. Children, please! What if your parents witnessed this horseplay? - Give me that chalk immediately. - Keep it away from Carlton! Keep away from Carlton and Geoffrey. You've met your match, Master William. Geoffrey, get off me, man. Geoffrey? May I get you something, sir? No, thank you. Will, how many times do I have to tell you that this is our living room? How'd you like it if I went into your room and started throwing chalk around? I'd be devastated. Out. - Why did you do that? - What? You singled Will out. They were all goofing around. He was the mastermind. Trust me. I just wish you'd be nicer to Will. He joined the basketball team and you haven't said a word about it. - Give him some credit. - All right. I see your point. Besides, I think it's a great opportunity for you two to find some common ground. After all, you were kind of a star athlete in college. "Kind of a star athlete"? All right. You were a football god. Okay. Who knows, it might do him some good. Nothing like a little organized sport to straighten a guy out. Yes. It did wonders for Pete Rose. Hilary, I appreciate you coming tonight. I know you're not a big sports fan. Mother, please, it's Will's first game with the team. I'm proud of him. If I didn't show up to support him, what kind of cousin would I be? lt'll be three hours well spent. Three hours? Five, four, three, two, one! I'm going to Disneyland! You did all right! All right, men, good game on Friday. But we can do even better this week. - So let's go over some plays. - Sorry I'm late, Coach! Sorry isn't good enough, Cartwell. - I was under the assumption - You made an assumption. Don't make an assumption because you will be an ass and the ump will shun you. Cartwell, after practice, you give me 10 laps around the school. Yes, Coach. Now let's take a look at this play. What's up? It's my squad. Sorry I'm late, Coach. Don't worry about it, Smith. You just take it easy. Save that energy for the game. But I was late, and I have to run 10 laps. Twenty laps. Now, shut up. First play. Guard inbounds to the center. Center moves down court, fakes right, passes to the forward. What does he do? - Passes to Will? - Bingo. Second play. Jump ball. Ball is tipped to the center. Center shuttles to the guard, back to the center who hits to the forward and over to baseline. - What does he do? - Passes to Will. Yes! Okay. Number three. Forward inbounds from here bounce pass to the guard, who zips it back to the forward under the net. What does he do? If he's clear, he goes for the lay-up. Otherwise, back to the guard. Okay, Banks, not paying attention? Ten laps. Not paying attention? Look at Will. He's asleep. Mind your own business, Banks. That's 20 laps. NBA superstar Isaiah Thomas is used to having things his own way. But not today. How do you do it, Prince? Easy, Isaiah. Air Fresh gym shoes. Just pass it to Will. Hi, pumpkin. Hi, love. - Hi. - Is Will home yet? He's outside playing basketball with Carlton. Come on, Will. Now let me down. Will, would you come in here a minute, please? What's going on? I've been thinking about what you said about us finding some common ground. - Good. - The firm has season tickets for the Laker game, so I put in for them. I thought we could go. Philip, what a great idea. He'll love it. Thank you. Uncle Phil, thanks for putting the hoop up on the garage. It's really helping my lay-ups, Dad. Come on out, I'll show you. Sounds great, Carlton, but in a minute, okay? - You wanted to talk to me? - I have two tickets to the Lakers game. - How'd you like to come? - Word, I'm with that. Give the Laker girls an opportunity to check out a future Laker. Yeah, right. Son, you want to show me those lay-ups? Maybe a little bit later. Actually, I've got some studying to do. - After dinner? - Okay. - Uncle Phil, want to shoot a few hoops? - Sure. Did I tell you how my high-school team won the state championship? I made the final basket right at the buzzer. That's decent. - Hi, Carlton. - Hi, Hilary. - Hilary, can I ask you something? - Sure. How was I in the basketball game last Friday? You were great. You didn't make any baskets or anything but you looked cute in your uniform. I think it's great how you don't get it too sweaty. I guess it's 'cause you don't run too fast. Smart move. Did Dad mention me during the game? He did turn around to the guy behind him once and say: "Shut up. That's my son you're talking about. " It's Will, isn't it? No. It's not. Talk to me. Look, it's ridiculous to compare yourself to Will. You're captain of the debate team, a straight "A" student you're leader of the glee club. So what if Will's good at basketball? Thanks, Hilary. That means a lot to me. Besides, if that basket were two feet lower you'd be just as good as he is. Geoffrey, I'm surprised you decided to come. You're not a basketball fan. True, madam, but I have found that any game can be made interesting if you put a little money on it. - You bet on this game? - $50 says Bel-Air wins it. Who'd take that bet? You rang, beautiful? Jazz, you bet against Will? Yeah. He screws up, I'm loaded. Students, parents, alumni, let me introduce our beloved coach Herb Smiley. Thank you. I see a lot of new faces out here tonight faces I didn't see when we were losing. People who did not support this team in its darkest hour. All I can say is, I don't blame you one bit. Half the time, I didn't want to be there. And quite frankly, I usually ducked out a little early. But that's all gonna change tonight because of our new superstar Will Smith. With seven seconds remaining, Bel-Air is down by two points and calls a time out. Our only hope for winning this game is by shooting a three-pointer. So here's the plan. Cartwell, you inbound to Hunt. - Hunt, what do you do? - Shoot for the three-pointer? Very funny. That'll be 10 laps, chowderhead. - What's the right answer? - Pass it to Will. All right. Now, let's do it. One, two, three, Bel-Air! Oh, my God. Yes! Thirty, forty, fifty! - There. - Thanks, man. Nice doing business with you. Mr. Jazz, the World Snooker Championship is on the sports station in a few moments. Would you care to place a wager? - I don't know anything about snooker. - Don't worry. I'll tell you everything you need to know. I'm going to shoot some hoops. If you'd like to practice some new and more spectacular ways to lose a game, please join me. - Put that down. - Put what down? - My basketball. - Your basketball? Excuse me, your name is Spalding? Dad gave it to me for my birthday three years ago. It's my ball. Give it. In a bad mood? You should be the happiest guy in the world. Yeah? Why? 'Cause you got out of that locker room alive. Man, Coach Smiley was upset. Boy, you're lucky that was just a starter's pistol. I was trying to win the game. No, you were trying to be the hero. Somebody else can be the hero besides you all the time. Let's get something straight. I been here for two months. I been getting yelled at at home screamed at at school, I been sent to detention, grounded threatened with expulsion on almost a daily basis. I finally do something I get credit for, and you can't take it. Man, I got news for you. I ain't about to sell myself short just to make you feel better. Grow up! You should grow up, hogging the ball every chance you get! - I wasn't hogging nothing. - You were! Okay, you two. What's this all about? Carlton doesn't want me to use his basketball 'cause he's afraid I might get it in the basket. Will you two start acting your age? What I saw on that basketball court tonight was a disgrace. If I'd made that last shot, I'd be the hero right now. Carlton, the fact that you missed the shot wasn't a disgrace. You stole the ball from a member of your own team. Yeah, and if you'd passed it to me, we would've won. You would? Of course, I can make that shot with my eyes closed - and one hand tied behind my back. - Was that gonna be your next trick? 'Cause you were like a one-man circus out there. Uncle Phil, the coach told the team to pass the ball to me. Did he tell you to woof at the crowd kiss the cheerleader between plays, and shoot the ball backwards? No, I came up with all that fly stuff myself. That wasn't fly, Will. A real star plays with the team. Maybe you should think about that. Carlton, can I ask you something? Sure. When you stole the ball from Will and tried to make that Hail Mary shot what were you thinking about? - I don't know. - Really? I guess I was just thinking of the first game Will won and how you ran out on the court and you were so proud of him. I guess I thought it would be cool if it happened to me. Carlton, you don't have to be a hero. I'm proud that you're out there giving it all you got. You started coming to games when Will joined the team. - I wanted to support him. - You wouldn't come when it was just me. I'd like to come to everything you do. I always come to your tennis games, to your debate matches your glee club concerts. Frankly, keeping up with your extracurricular activities is a 24-hour-a-day job. Did I mention I was elected editor of the yearbook? I didn't mean to slight you. But I can't slight Will, either. His mother is 3,000 miles away. He needs a cheering section as much as you do. Maybe more. - I'm gonna head up. Good night, son. - Good night, Dad. Will. Yeah? Here.