Chapter 38

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, events, some details and incidents are the products of the author's imagination.

Warning SPG : Violence

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"It is both a blessing and a curse to feel everything so very deeply."

-anonymous from pinterest

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Jax Blaine's POV

'Reid Smith'

Now that I am seeing his grave, I'm now convinced that he's already gone. The feeling is weird. Very weird.

I don't know what to say... Or do I really need to say anything?

I don't believe that he can hear me. I don't believe in those things. If spirits really wander or has some place to go, I'm wondering about how is he now?

There's this heavy feeling that I felt as I'm standing here while staring at his name that carved in the gravestone. Aside from staring at Kitkat's face, this is the first time that my mind is blank. But the difference is, I'm not feeling at peace.

A sudden flashback of me with this bastard suddenly came to my mind. Those moments when we're still young and innocents. I'm quite sad remembering those.

Especially, when realizing just now that the only person who never left me and ruin my trust is him. But this bastard left me for good!

I don't know how many minutes had pass since I'm standing here, staring at his name while reminiscing those times. I close my eyes and sighed.

'Why the heck you never told me that you're sick back then?'

'You told me that you'll never say goodbye to people who's important to you. I'm quite happy when you said I am one of those people... And you really never did!.. Because you just left without telling a word!'

'I should have immediately rescue you back then! I should have stop everything that time when you're accidentally shot by Kei! I should've listen to you when you told me to stop my revenge!'

'I'm sorry for not listening.'

When I felt Kitkat's intense gaze, I came back to reality. I almost forgot she's with me.

"Have you ever regret something foolish you've done before?"

"H-ha?"

"... that you cannot find a way to make things right and don't have a choice but to regret?"

"Jax..."

I heaved a sigh when a tear tries to escape from my eyes when I saw her eyes looking straight to mine. It feels like she understands what I'm feeling right now.

I look away and stare back to 'his' name.

I don't know why I even ask that foolish question to her. But I didn't regret asking her. She doesn't know my story so it's a relief that she won't be able to judge me.

When I felt her hand slowly holding mine, my emotions were more heightened than earlier. It's as if she's letting me know that she's by my side and she will always be.

'See this? You always pester me to introduce my girl to you. There's really a reason why I'm not able to introduce Cath to you back then... I now know why.'

'Bastard, this is Kitkat. She's an idiot yet she's cute. I'm wondering what will be your reaction when meeting her.'

I grip her hand tightly when until now she's staring at me.

'See? She's this in love with me.'

I was about to brag more things about her in front of him but when I look at her, she's crying.

"Why are you crying?"

"Wala... Nalulungkot lang akong makita kang malungkot. First time ko kasing nakita kang ganyan."

'See? I told you!'

"That's why you look like an idiot! Let's go!"

I sighed and took a quick glance to his gravestone. 'I don't know when will I can visit your boring grave again... See you again soon, asshole!'

"Jax, may emotion ka rin pala?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"Hehe!"

...

When we're driving back home, I really appreciated her company. She comforts me  by just staying beside me. That's why I now decide not to let her go after this. That I will do everything to make her happy.

'I will ask her to be mine.'

But that thought suddenly vanish when I notice few motorcycles were tailing us. I feel nervous because of a thought that we will be in danger. I was afraid that she's here with me. And I was angry to these bastards that I even imagine putting bullets to their heads!

I sigh in relief when she doesn't notice me speeding up. I will find a way to lose them! But when I saw another groups of motorcycles ahead that's obviously waiting for us, I step the brake hard!

I quickly cup her face to listen to me. I see fear and confusion in it.

"A-anong..."

"Listen carefully! Whatever happens, don't get out and just call Kernel..."

"B-bakit..."

"Even if something happens to me, don't get out and keep calling him! Do you understand?"

After giving her my phone and told her my pincode, I immediately get out of the car to face these motherfuckers!

'Bullsht! I already did everything so that she won't be seeing something like this!'

Upon observing them as they're getting closer to us, I notice that they're members of The Blues! Those assholes with eye tattoo won't be confronting me in groups. And they always attack me when they have a chance. They don't do these dramatic entrance!

Seeing these rats bringing tools, I know that they don't have the intension of killing me. If they really wanted to kill me; they should have brought guns, not daggers and  useless baseball bats!

I look back to observe the other assholes from the back. They're also coming towards us! I simply count their numbers. I can possibly win against all of them but I won't underestimate them!

The fight started when one of them tried to go near Kitkat. As much as I don't want her to see me doing this, I don't have a choice! So I'm just attacking defensively without killing them!

After kicking the last enemy in the stomach, he tries to get up as he gasp for an air. We're both breathing heavily!

I was about to punch him more 'til he'll lose his consciousness, when he immediately raises his hand to stop me and give him time.

I frown when he took a phone from the pocket of his leather jacket. "Pwe! Gusto kang k-kausapin ng boss namin!" He pass it to me and I take it.

I did not avert my gaze and still glaring at him while waiting the call to be connected. 

'That Summit is testing me again?' I gritted my teeth if that hunch is right! If he's doing this just to test me or threaten me when I'm with Kitkat, I won't really forgive him!

"This is just a warning, Jax Blaine! If you cannot be one of us, I don't really have a choice but to kill you!"

I grip the phone when I heard the motherfcker's voice on the other line!

"Stanley!"

I heard him laugh! I frown when his one minion in front of me he took his gun beneath his jacket.

"I planted a bomb in that car where your lover is in. I already press the button so you only have 20 seconds left! Save yourself? Or save..."

I quickly ended the call and look at her. Fear is written in her face! As she suddenly get out of the car, she caught the attention of the enemy. Before he's able to point his gun to her, I hastily took the chance to point my gun towards him and pull the trigger. He's shot in his forehead. As much as I wanted to shoot him many times, I don't have time!

I run quickly towards her to grab her and run as far as we can away from Kernel's car. Just seconds after that, the car exploded!

I was so scared that my heart is still pounding like crazy! It feels like I'm losing my mind looking at her horrible expression!

"Are you okay?"

I know she's not! I was just trying to see if she can still respond. She's very shock!

Behind her, one of those enemies that were laying on the ground is moving. He was about to target her using his dagger so I shoot him three times in the head!

"Damn it!"

I was eaten by anger! I wanted to kill them all! It doesn't matter if I will face a consequence or not! I just wanted to end them until no one dares to scare me like that again using her!

I pick up the dagger from that bastard and wanted to slit his throat even though he's already dead! I feel like I am losing my mind but I don't care!

"Jax 'wag!"

It feels like I came back to myself when she stops me. I feel tired out of a sudden. I look at her and just wanted to get closer to her. I wanted to see her face closely!

But when I did, it just hurts me seeing her crying. I throw the dagger that I forgot I was still holding it. I held her waist and help her stand up.

"J-Jax!" Her eyes screams more pain! She's trembling! And I feel very sorry for letting her experience this. I will never forgive Stanley and his minions!

"Natatakot ako..." she said as I'm cupping her face. Tears continue falling down from her eyes.

"I know. I'm sor..."

"Natatakot ako sa 'yo!"

It hits me hard the moment her words sink in. I can really tell she's afraid of me when reading the emotions of her eyes. I was scared earlier but nothing compares to this.

I absentmindedly let go of her face.

I feel coward and anxious! I don't know what to react! All I can say is I'm hurting inside. The fact that she's scared of me... Will she leave me?

Suddenly, she held my arm when she saw my wound. She look up to meet my gaze with those worried eyes. "Jax! 'Yong braso mo! Jusko!"

I was too stunned to speak when she even tries to tear her t-shirt. I felt mixed of emotions when I realized what she's trying to do.

"Pa'no kung mawalan ka ng malay dahil sa daming dugo ang lumabas sa katawan mo?"

Shes anxious.

I help her tear her t-shirt. I can see a relief on her face then she quickly wrap the cloth around my wounded arm.

"I thought you're scared of me?"

"Oo! Sino ba namang 'di matatakot sa ginawa mo... Pero 'di ko maiwasang mag-aalala sa 'yo!"

I can't help it. I hug her tightly. I close my eyes and heave a sigh. I was very scared of the thought that she will leave me.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do if I'm late by seconds to pull you away from the explosion. This is the reason you cannot love me. I told you, loving me will only put you in danger..."

She then hug me back as she cry.

My heart is still pounding very fast! Nervous, scared, happy, and relief is what I'm feeling right now! Most of all, hugging each other gives me comfort. I don't want to pull away.

Then Kernel arrives to ruin the moment. I didn't mind him as he's saying nonsense.

"Are you okay?"

She nodded. "Jax... Naiwan ko pala ang cellphone mo kanina sa kotse. Pasensya na."

I frown when I noticed that something is bothering her.

...

As we're riding using Kernel's motorbike, Kitkat's behind me. I can see her reflection in the side mirror and I am more convince that something's really bothering her aside from what happened earlier.

She doesn't look terrified unlike awhile ago. She's lost in thoughts and keeps sighing.

Tonight, I feel lot of emotions that I didn't feel before. I took her arms and wrap it around my waist.

"If you're going to sleep, hold me tight."

Almost an hour and a half had pass that she's sleeping behind me so I never let go of her arms, afraid she'll lose balance. At first I can feel her breathing because her head is leaning on my back.

But then, I feel another skip of a heartbeat when I don't feel her breathing anymore. From holding her arms, I quickly slide my hands to hold her hands and they're cold.

"Kernel stop! Stop it! She's not breathing!"

Kernel immediately stopped the engine and get off to check her.

"Shit!" he cursed that made me go panic.

He quickly lay her on the ground as I'm getting off and rushed to her.  I didn't hesitate and give her an air through her mouth. I couldn't think of anything but to save her. I'm still panicking while looking at her unconscious face.

"Damn it! Please! Please!"

As I'm pumping her chest to retrieve the beat of her heart, I could not look away at her pale face!

As of this moment, I feel very scared! Too scared to stop reviving her! I don't know how many tries I did it but as soon as I saw her breathing again and feel her heartbeat, I quickly hug her without minding my tears.

'That was so close!'

Kernel pulled me gently away from her. "Don't suffocate her. First, let's bring her to your place. I already called ate Violy and she'll go there."

"She's still unconscious!"

"I know but at least she's now breathing!"

...

Third Person's POV

"She's still unconscious!" nag-aalalang sabi ni Jax nang makarating si Violy sa kanyang condo.

"Where is she?" tanong nito tsaka agad silang nagtungo sa bedroom ni Jax kung nasaan si Kitkat. Agad nitong tiningnan ang lagay ng dalaga. May chineck din ito mula sa bibig, binuksan ang mata at kung anong pang ginawa nito.

Pagkatapos ng ilang minuto ay tumingin si Violy kay Jax. Bumuntong-hininga ito nang makita ang sobrang pag-aalala sa mukha ng binata.

"She's in shock maybe because of what happened tonight. That might be the reason why it triggers her heart to stop beating. Does she drink any alcohol before?"

"I don't know but I guess she doesn't."

Violy sighed. "If she's not a drinker, those hard alcoholic drinks are one the reasons why it weakens her heart... And I am right. She was drugged, a sleeping pills."

Hindi naman nagsalita ang binata at makikita ang matinding pagpipigil ng galit nito.

Nag-aalalang tiningnan ni Violy si Jax. "Let her rest and let me treat your wound." Sinulyapan pa niya ang braso nito.

"No! I'm fine!"

"It might get infected! Just let me so you can rest!"

"I said! I! am! fine!" pagsigaw niya kay Violy habang sinasamaan ng tingin. Naiinis siya sa pagpipilit nito. Wala siyang panahon para dito.

Nabigla naman siya nang mabilis nitong hinawakan nang mahigpit ang kanyang brasong may sugat. Pareho silang nagtitigan sa isa't-isa. Kung nakakamatay lang ang titig, pareho na silang walang buhay.

Jax gritted his teeth when Violy grip his wound more tightly that makes it more painful.

"One thing you must learn, kiddo! You should not push someone away that's just wanted to help you!"

Sa ilang segundo ang nagdaan, mas lalong humihigpit ang paghawak ni Violy dito na mas lalong ikinagulat ni Jax. Napatanong siya sa kanyang sarili kung babae ba talaga ang kaharap niya. Tinitiis pa rin niya ang sakit at 'di ipinahalatang nasasaktan na siya nang todo.

"Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! Kung ako sa 'yo 'wag ka nang magmatigas. Believe me! I already experienced that. Been there, done that!" side comment ni Kernel tsaka napapailing na humiga sa tabi ni Kitkat. "Diba ate Violy? N'ong time na kunwari hindi ako namamansin sa inyo at nagrerebelde pa no'ng kakasali ko pa lang sa grupo?" dagdag pa nito.

"Fine! Fine! Let go!" sigaw ni Jax na ikinangiti ni Violy at ikinatawa ni Kernel. Binitawan naman siya agad nito.

Jax hissed and throw his glare to Kernel. "Get off from my bed! Stay away from her!"

"Luh? Bakit? Sa 'yo na ba siya? I can hug her if I want," pang-aasar nito at niyakap nga ang walang malay na dalaga dahilan nang mabilis na inabot ni Jax ang baril sa bedside table na nasa tabi niya lang.

"Woah! I'm just kidding! Chillax... 'Kiddo!"

Dahil doon, agad na ikinasa ni Jax ang baril at mabilis na itinutok kay Kernel. Pero wrong move kasi mas lalo nitong isiniksik ang katawan nito sa dalaga para hindi siya barilin ni Jax kasi posibleng matatamaan ang dalaga.

Walang magawa si Jax kundi ang ibaba ang baril at ibalik ito sa side table. Sinamaan niya ulit ng tingin si Kernel na ngayo'y nakangising bumaba sa kama. Lumapit ito sa kanya at bumulong.

"I'm just giving you an idea, Jaxie. Maganda sana kung you're officially together pero hindi... so hindi mo 'yon magagawa! Learn to court her first, kiddo!" Tinapik pa nito si Jax at aalis na sana nang kunwari itong nabigla.

Nagtitimpi naman si Jax dahil alam niyang inaasar lang siya nito. Alam din niyang may point ang sinabi ni Kernel.

"Jaxie, my loves! Nagseselos ka ba dahil niyakap ko siya? Hmm? Pwede rin kitang yaka... woah! Woah!" at tumakbo palabas ng room para hindi matamaan ng bala.

Namumula ang mukha ni Jax dahil sa inis nang ilapag muli ang baril sa mesa. Napapailing na lang si Violy tsaka hinawakan ang braso ni Jax para hindi na ito makaangal pa.

Nang matapos nang tahiin ni Violy ang malaking hiwa sa braso ni Jax, napatingin siya sa mukha nito. Nakatulala lang itong nakatingin kay Kitkat.

"That's why I don't easily judge people," sabi nito na ikinatingin ni Jax sa kanya. "No matter how composed they are, no one can tell how they really feel," dagdag nito tsaka tinapik ang braso ni Jax at tumayo.

"See? It's already done!"

"Tsk!"

"All you need to say is thank you."

Hindi naman nagsalita si Jax at dineadma si Violy.

"She'll wake up! She's fine so you don't have to worry. Call me if something happen like this again."

Pagkalabas ni Violy sa condo, agad siyang sinalubong ni Kernel na naghihintay sa kanya sa tabi ng pintuan. Pareho silang seryosong nagkatinginan na parang alam nila ang sasabihin ng isa't-isa.

Kernel already briefed Violy anything when he called her earlier asking for help. He even told her about Jax's problem with those Summits and the reason why they're ambushed.

"Let's just keep it a secret for now. Don't tell  kuya Hero."

Tumango naman ito tsaka sabay silang nagbuntong-hininga.

"We know Jax won't stay still after what happened to her," puno ng pag-aalalang sabi ni Violy.

"That's what I'm worrying about! I don't know what he might do after this. Don't worry, I will observe him," saad ni Kernel tsaka bumuntong-hininga at napakamot sa batok. "Muntik na akong ma-abnoy kanina! Pa'no na lang kung hindi marunong mag-CPR 'yong gagong 'yon! Papayag kayang maglapat ang labi namin ng kanyang iniibig?"

Pareho naman silang natawa at napailing. But deep inside, they are really worried. Inihatid naman ni Kernel si Violy hanggang sa parking lot ng building.

"Salamat! Mag-iingat ka. Lalo na't dalawa na kayo ngayon. Lagot ako kay kuya Hero nito 'pag may mangyaring masama sa 'yo!"

Natawa naman si Violy tsaka hinimas ang hindi pa halatang umbok na tyan. She's two months pregnant.

"Don't worry! Update me anything about Jax. I am worried about him. I don't want him to be my patient again. Baka matuluyan nang mag-suicide."

"Hahaha. Py!" Nag-salute pa ito.

...

Itutuloy...