Chapter 18: A moment of respite in the middle of hell

It was now well into the night. The androids took a few laps around the makeshift camp, checking the level of their internal batteries, hoping that they would be sufficient. Their morale was at an all-time low, lacking the discipline and sensitivity of clones. Many of the androids were beginning to crack under the despair of the situation. Even the members of the interception group seemed to be on the brink of collapse, staring intently at the horizon.

Only a few were keeping their spirits up, like Alice and Mélissa, who were chatting as they made their rounds. Alice tried to get Melissa to sing, assuring us that everyone would appreciate her delicate timbre. But others had morale in name only, like Davis, the leader of the interception group, who passed by each android with a forced smile, trying to motivate them as best he could, instilling in them just enough hope to motivate them to keep going and not give in to despair. But others had this morale in name only, like Davis, the leader of the interception group, who would pass by each android with a forced smile, trying to remotivate them as best he could, instilling them with barely enough hope to motivate them to carry on and not give in to despair. He even tried, albeit clumsily, to motivate Alice's group, whom he didn't know.

When he went to see Alice and Melissa, he was surprised to see that they had the willpower to carry on. However, he struck up a conversation so as not to ignore them, while secretly hoping that they'd know how to motivate him, and not leave him alone as the last bastion of abandonment, like all the last times since he'd become squad leader.

"How are you two doing?

"We're holding on as best we can."

Alice replied, scratching her head and flashing an awkward smile, while Melissa nodded shyly behind her friend.

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

Davis asked, hiding his slight disappointment with a new smile, far more radiant than any of the others. Alice then hurried to answer, seizing the chance, while Melissa interrupted her almost instantly by blushing. Now firmly gripping Alice's sleeves.

"No, I'll be fine, thank you very much. Alice and I will continue our round."

"Come on Melissa, I'm sure everyone will like it and it'll cheer them up."

"No...I...I don't feel like it!"

Melissa overreacted, drawing all the androids' attention to herself. This made her blush even more. She hid behind Alice, who looked disappointed. However, Davis asked Alice something, clearly intrigued.

"What were you thinking Alice?"

"No... please..."

Melissa whispered, making Alice sigh as she answered.

"I was thinking that having Melissa sing might help the group forget a little about everything that's just happened, and help them move on since she sings really well."

"I don't sing well..."

Melissa replied, staring at Davis, her eyes seeming to implore him to say no.

"It was a great idea Alice, but you should consider Melissa's feelings. If she doesn't want to, there's no point in insisting."

Davis declared, unable to mask his amusement at Melissa's reactions.

"That's true..."

Alice added, as Davis began to walk away talking.

"Anyway, thanks, you've cheered me up a bit."

Alice and Melissa then stared at each other, wondering what they'd been up to, before resuming their rounds.

* * *

As the night deepened, a noise brought all the androids to a halt. They scanned the horizon with their night vision, but saw nothing. All were on their guard, intensely dreading the impending attack, while some succumbed to stress as they looked out over the plain, containing almost no dunes or imperfections. Davis then took command to organize the troops.

"Spread out in a circle around the camp, pretend you don't care about the noise. This could be another trap, so be careful."

All the androids nodded, spreading out around the camp. Melissa and Alice stayed together, but despite the long wait, nothing changed. All was quiet again, prompting Davis to break ranks as the night continued.

All remained quiet, although all the androids were on the lookout, until Davis shouted.

"Reaper to the crater! Wake up the Clones, we're leaving."

Once all the clones were awake, Matricule 231 nodded in response to Davis's brief summary, thanking him before confirming his order.

"Head for the Allied lines, let's not attempt the impossible."

The whole group set off. Alice and Melissa seemed inseparable as they approached Davis together.

"What are 'Reaper' Davis?"

Alice asked, intrigued by the new name.

"Reptilian creatures... They have two large scythes instead of arms, and a snake-like tail. Their heads, however, are adorned with a thick mask in addition to the usual necklace. Melting it down is almost as complex as immobilizing a colossus."

"Ah...I don't really feel like messing with them..."

Melissa replied shyly, scratching her cheek.

"Don't worry, we're not going to take them on. They've got bad eyesight, evading them is going to be a breeze!"

Davis retorted, the same forced, contrite smile on his face as his eyes flickered slightly. Melissa tried to speak to him, stopping herself before uttering a sound, showing great reluctance to speak. However, her concern for Davis' condition prompted her to begin a fragile speech.

"But... if you don't mind my asking... why do you keep smiling all the time? You're masking it, but I can see it in your eyes. You're the most terrifying of us all. So why take on this role? To be the figurehead of the group."

"That's right, I was wondering that too."

Alice added, tilting her head. Not having in fact fully understood what Melissa meant by that, while Davis didn't seem to be terrified.

"I'm perfectly fine Melissa, no need to worry about me."

Davis replied, still wearing the same forced smile, realized to the millimeter to appear as natural as possible, while his eyes continued to flicker, not knowing how to lie.

"You say that but... your eyes... they seem to be saying the opposite, it's as if they're begging to be worried about you, that you're not well at all, that you've simply been playing a role all this time."

Melissa then paused, looking into Davis's eyes, which seemed very confused, with a serious look that didn't suit her. Before resuming in an assertive voice.

"If you didn't introduce yourself at first, it was to avoid getting to know us, wasn't it? So as not to think of us as your comrades. So as not to risk suffering if you become attached to other people you barely know. It's obvious, you care about your men, yet you're their commander, so..."

Melissa's voice began to tremble, her shyness getting the better of her, while she herself seemed saddened.

"So... why play this role? Why take on yourself when you're the one who's probably suffering the most? The one...the one who cares most about other people's lives..."

Alice's eyes trembled; she hadn't noticed any of this. She stared at Melissa in amazement as Davis answered awkwardly.

"I... I don't know what you're talking about. You're extrapolating too much about other people's feelings based on your own assumptions."

"Maybe, though... given your reaction, I..."

Melissa cut off her sentence, hiding behind Alice as she whispered barely audibly.

"It would seem I was right..."

Davis didn't reply, content to continue walking in silence, his smile now only a distant memory, as he stared straight ahead, staring only at the uncertain future ahead of them. Alice looked at Melissa, who no longer had the courage to speak, content to stay behind Alice, making herself as small as possible as she mumbled audible excuses only to herself.

"Davis, why don't you talk anymore?"

Alice asked, assuming the role Melissa had taken on, who no longer had the courage to face Davis's gaze.

Davis sighed, a melancholy expression taking over his face as he now stared at the floor, hesitant to speak.

"Please don't."

Alice added, loosening Davis's tongue as he began to speak.

"I've always been more attached than necessary to the lives of others, that's what I was created for: to comfort those who needed it most when they had nothing left, and were at death's door. I was always there for those who needed to count for at least one person. I wasn't there to complain, I listened to what others had gone through, their misfortunes, and I comforted them. But... no one was there to listen to mine, I..."

Davis paused, sighing, before resuming.

"So... when I was first sent to the front, I discovered what it felt like to be more than a machine. The joy of having friends. People who mattered to me and whom I knew to be in good health, people to whom I could attach myself without fear. It made me want to protect them. To be there for them, to be their savior. So..."

A cynical laugh left Davis's lips.

"When I lost my loved ones again, I took this self-appointed role of savior even more to heart. I commanded them when our leader died, yet I couldn't protect anyone. I was the only one to return alive. Ironically, my abilities were recognized, and coming back alive and victorious from a doomed mission earned me a promotion. I knew that attaching myself would be the biggest mistake possible, yet... when I met them..."

Davis stared at the few survivors of his group. He felt as if the embers that had become his courage were being rekindled, while a spiral of doubt and confusion rekindled simultaneously, gradually smothering that glow that had just taken root inside him again.

"They were all on the brink, they needed hope... They were like those people who motivated my creation, so... I couldn't help talking to them, getting to know them all, loving them all in my own way. Whether it's Parke and his fear of cats, or Yejine, and his unconditional love of poetry. Still, I'm no hero, let alone the hero of this war, and I understood that perfectly well. So I decided to embody the hope they were missing, the glimmer of light they could hold on to when they thought all was lost. But even that I can't do. I have no right to complain, no right to be listened to as I am now... I'm not strong, I never have been. But if I'm not, who will be?"

Tears began to roll down Davis's cheeks as he shook his head to dispel his thoughts wandering in all directions, then added with a serious air, as his tears kept flowing.

"I'll take them home."

Alice didn't know what to say, staring stupidly at Davis as something inside her suddenly ached. Yet Melissa spoke in a clear voice, imbued with kindness, but in no way with pity.

"You're doing your best, but it's normal to break down at times, nobody's perfect. You've already managed to protect everyone who's still here, so you may not be a hero, but you're probably their hero."

"No! A hero wouldn't let anyone die, let alone because of some egotistical bullshit. I'm just trying to do my best... so why... why do I fail all the time to protect my comrades... or even those I love..."

Melissa stepped hesitantly close to Davis, her face showing panic and confusion. As she did so, Davis's eyes began to tremble more and more. But they steadied as Melissa's trembling arms embraced him, squeezing him tenderly, singing in a timid, fragile yet determined voice. Davis's eyes misted with tears as he whispered in a broken, vulnerable voice.

"I'm afraid of losing someone again..."

"Failing is a normal, painful thing, yet you've never given up, so you can break for once. You won't lose anyone again."

Melissa whispered back, humming again after finishing her sentence. The sun began to rise towards the horizon shortly afterwards, while Davis had barely straightened up. The rising sun was like a symbol of hope, the hope that this struggle was not in vain.