The Beginning of My End

I was told to start writing. Place my thoughts on paper. Then maybe, I could prove I'm not crazy. To me, it sounds fishy, so very fishy but, I will write and show the world just how I see life.

Waking up is hard for me. The only good part of the day is the first thirty seconds aftet I open my eyes. For thirty seconds, I feel no pain. Life is perfect, then it ends. The pain hits me like a train. I cant breath, my heart fills with hatred and I roll out of bed to start my day.

Every day is the same, I'm trapped in a body that is failing me. I live in my prison of a home without hope of ever going back to work though I want to. I struggle with every aspect of life. From getting dressed to cleaning house. I'm not even allowed to go to the store alone for fear of getting hurt.

My life is simply hard. Its a contradiction within itself. The truth is, I have everything done for me so all I can do is count the days to my next surgery. Thats my life, counting the days to the next surgery. Hoping that the next one will ease my pain. Each one is the same though, just like my life it never changes. I have the surgery to fix whatever part of my body that has given up and broke then, the pain is worse...healing is hard. after weeks of healing I start to feel better. I start to have hope that just maybe my life will go back to normal. Then, my hopes get shattered yet again and I'm back to counting the days to my next surgery.

With each new issue they find, I lose just a little more of myself. I'm slowly losing my hopes and dreams, along with my mind. To be honest, I don't which is worse to lose my hopes, my dreams or my mind. Yet, to lose them all is simply crazy!