One hundred and nineteen: A rare, good man

My bed was moving. Lights and hallway ceilings sped past. There were more machines and beeping noises when the bed came to rest at last. Sticky things attached to wires were attached to my chest. A wide cuff of stiff material was wrapped around an upper arm. Every now and then, it would inflate and then deflate with a throbbing rhythm pulsing beneath my skin. A little cushy thing was kept on the end of my finger. There was almost always a nurse nearby. She smiled brightly whenever I emerged and tried to talk to me. Visitors, when they were there, never came in more than twos. Most often it was my parents or a parent and Henry. Sometimes Alistair as well.

Then Kiran was there and I turned my head from him. I didn't care for him. I don't think I ever really had. Certainly not in the same way.

He had stroked me and tried some of the slave commands in order to elicit some sort of a reaction out of me. All to no avail. Working out and hacking into the slave controls to regain control of my own body was one of the first few things I had done after the war. I would not easily give up control of my own body again. Never again. He had seemed surprised and dismayed.

Not that he could tell anyone about his discovery. I decided to keep the secret to myself.

I could hear them talking to me and around me. I heard them discussing my possible incarceration if I ever got better. I heard my parents arguing with people and my brother being dragged away by security when he got physical. I heard Bosky accents trying to convince people that I should be taken back to Boskyland. Apparently they still saw me as the Chief-in-Waiting's wife. Queen, they said. The queen-to-be has returned. Not.

Grabbing hold of the nearest arm and only capturing the end of a sleeve, I found Alistair's concerned eyes looking down into mine.

"No," I told him clearly. With great effort. "No. Never was. Never will."

And then I was gone again.

My parents were crying. They wanted to stay and look after me here in this country, but they had already migrated. If they didn't go back now, they would lose their residency there. Our country wasn't sure they wanted them back either. Not when they had abandoned their own country during hardship. Not when both children were considered traitors for having married Boskies. One had married a minor 'princess'. The other was the so-called queen-to-be. Funny how they always seemed to miss the fact that it had never really been with my consent. I wondered what it would take for me to convince them one day. In any case, I was never leaving the boundaries of this country again.

I felt and heard my family being forced to leave me. One by one. Kiran had been forced to leave first, but he didn't matter as much as my parents. Henry was forced to leave next. He was considered a Bosky now. Then my parents left at last with much tears. Mr Cooper and Alistair promised that they would send them regular updates.

Then I was alone and Alistair's presence wasn't enough to comfort me. I heard the machines bleeping and beeping and wailing.

"Whether she lives or dies is up to her now," I heard one voice say. "She's suffered through so much, perhaps for her, it'd be a relief to go."

"All she ever wanted was to go home to her parents and live with them," said a dry voice. Alistair's. "Why couldn't we even give her that?"

"What? You mean she never wanted to go home to join the Boskies?" the other voice scoffed.

"She didn't feel she had much of a choice at the time," Alistair said. "She had to do what she had to do to survive. God knows that most of the things that happened to her, including the marriage, no one ever bothered to ask her what she thought. What she wanted. Nobody asked. Everyone just assumed. When she helped me escape, she already knew she didn't want to stay with them. She just didn't make it out, while I did. She made sure that I would be able to hide from them and escape. When she helped the Boskies end the war the first time, she did it because it was the shortest way to end the war. You know what happened to her after, when she tried to make sure us prisoners were taken care of. Scared at her show of capability, they framed her and set her up and she was locked away, while we were allowed to come back home. Do you even know why she broke the internet all those years back? People tell many stories about her, but they've never heard the true story. You tell me. Is this fair? Is this justice? Whenever I try to clear things up, you shut me up. I'm telling you, sir. We owe her. We owe her."

"Alistair, you may as well return to service," said the other voice after a long silence. "You'd better come back with me and tell me her whole story properly. You want to look after her, you'd better come back. It's the safest and easiest way to ensure her safety. You're a decorated war vet now. Nobody's going to question your protection of this lady."

"Fine," Alistair spat. "Fine."

One thought floated in my mind after they were gone.

At least Alistair knows.

I was sorry though. Because of me, he wouldn't, couldn't have a peaceful retirement. I owed this man who had been much like a father to me throughout the war. I owed him as much as I owed Kiran. Possibly more.

There would never be anything I could do to thank him and I knew he wouldn't ask or expect anything. All he really wanted was for his nation to be safe and stable so his loved ones could live in peace. He was a rare, good man.