Chapter 9: The Wrong Choice

Matthew felt relieved when he woke up upon hearing the voice in his ear. Last night was better than the previous one. He got out of the bed and did some stretching.

The voice said it was time to go out. He was waiting for some kind of breakfast. The previous 2 days, he didn’t want to eat much because of stress. He was really hungry and that vegetable paste wouldn’t do much to him even though it was fulfilling somehow. He left his room and looked around quickly.

“Hey,” said Rex while walking towards him. His room must have been close to Matt’s.

“Good morning Rex,” said Matthew. He remembered to tidy up his hair when he saw Rex’s messy hair.

“Did you think about the paper?”

“Oh.. About that? I couldn’t come up with anything.” They were still standing. Rex showed the oak tree as their direction.

“Let’s go there. They can hear us here,” whispered Rex. Matthew didn’t feel the need to lower his voice or hide anything. He truly believed that this new world was open and safe.

Rex had that protective side and Matthew listened to him anyway even though he felt it was unnecessary.

“I thought about something,” started Rex while they were sitting on wooden chairs in front of the oak tree and continued. “What if everything is different outside? Your doctor said it wouldn’t be enough outside. Mine didn’t say anything about it. Maybe yours just blurted it out.”

“I don’t know what he meant, but if he really wanted to hide it, he wouldn’t say it casually. He left quickly, yes, but he wasn’t stressed about it.” Matthew was analyzing the scene in his head. Yes, he was sure, Po didn’t seem like he hid anything.

“So, he just said it. Like that,” Rex flung his hand up. “I don’t believe it, man. They’re hiding something and they don’t want us to know.”

“I can ask him on his next visit,” Matthew shrugged. Rex shook his head.

“He wouldn’t tell you, Matt, believe me.”

“Let’s see. Maybe it works,” said Matthew while looking around. Then, he remembered something. “How will we survive out there? We don’t have any money. Or anything needed.”

“I don’t know anything, man. You can’t bring anything with you here, so we start from scratch.”

That was the definition of their situation, and every other patient’s. They had nothing in this world. They weren’t sure if money was still a thing, or something else was invented. It was complete obscurity.

Suddenly, Matthew saw Helen, the rude woman who he had seen a couple of days before. She wasn’t there before, she must have come while he was talking to Rex. Matthew didn’t feel like she was an aggressive person or else, but he was intimidated by her for the first time. Now, she was sitting alone, with her head between her hands. Matthew thought she was trying to stay sane.

“Rex, that’s Helen. Did you meet her yesterday?”

“Yes and no. Because she only took my name and left. I wouldn’t call it a 'meeting'.” Rex laughed.

“Let’s go talk to her. I think everyone can go insane here without a companion.” He stood up and Rex followed him.

When they got close, Helen raised her head. She was crying.

“Hey, Helen,” said Matthew with a soft voice.

“Matthew, Rex,” Helen was surprised.

“We just wanted to check if you’re okay,” said Matthew. He nudged Rex a little.

“Yeah, how are you doing?”

“Not good,” Helen wiped her tears. Her brown hair was turning gray in some parts. Her skin started aging, there were freckles on her small nose. She had a beautiful face.

Rex got down. “Hey, Helen. Look at me.” His abrupt words and tone surprised Helen. She looked at him.

“We are scared to death, too. But here’s good for now. Blow off some steam! Cause you can’t go back!” Matthew rolled his eyes. Rex really sucked at reading the room.

“What Rex is trying to say is, you can talk to us. Now, we’re the ones who are here and we should stick together, I think. At least, until we figure things out.”

“Yeah, that’s what I meant!” shouted Rex.

“This isn’t the right thing!” cried Helen. “What did we do?” She looked at them both.

“What do you mean Helen?” Matthew raised one brow.

“We were really sick, or whatever it is. We were desperate, and we wanted a solution to our problem. We wanted pills, medicine. But that’s not what we really wanted,” she sniffed. “We wanted more time with our loved ones! I wanted more time with my daughter, my granddaughter! And now, I have the damn pills but I don’t have them!” she wept. Her hands were on her chest. She was shaking, crying her eyes out. Matthew and Rex were shocked.

But those words triggered Matthew’s loneliness. He didn’t want to die, no one would want to. He wanted to have a life with the people he trusted, his dog, future spouse, future children. But he risked it all to come here. What if he couldn’t achieve his dreams in this unknown world?

Rex was also thinking that she could be right. But what’s the use of crying now?

“Hey!” Rex shouted all of a sudden. Matthew and Helen were startled. “Will you spend your next 50 years crying, Helen? And Matthew, you know that she isn’t right, right?” He poked Matthew.

“Yeah,” said Matthew while trying to get a grip. “Helen, we wanted to live more. The years we deserved. And it won’t be perfect, because you won’t have your daughter and granddaughter here. But you’ll have new things. You’ll continue living.” He was thinking of Cathy, Oksana and Juno. He remembered the time in the hospital where Cathy was talking to him, saying how he would be alright, just to convince herself.

And now, 1078 years later, Matthew was doing the same thing. He was trying to convince himself that he did the right thing, he deserved to have a second life. He would still love, he would still care and live fully.

He hoped that to be true. It had to be.