Hilarious Perversion

"I'm coming for you fucker!" screams Adam, running into the large church.

It seems like Nerva hasn't noticed her soul is in Adam's body. She must be too angry to realize that she's a lot taller--and is a man. Also, it is so jarring hearing Adam talk like Nerva. He sounds manly now, which only happened after his body obtained the soul of a woman. Is that ironic, or is it just sad? Most likely--it's both.

"Quincy! Make sure Adam's ok, I'm going after Nerva!" Warren orders as he runs into the church, unsheathing his machete.

I run up to Nerva/Adam, who's been standing there whimpering. I'm going to have to figure out what to call Adam in Nerva's body otherwise this is going to get real confusing real fast. Should I just call Adam in Nerva's body Adam and vice versa? But then how would pronouns work? I could call Adam "he," but he's actually a "she" right now so that wouldn't be accurate.

Wait, but mentally he's still a he so wouldn't it be more fitting to keep calling him "he" despite the gender change? Maybe I should call Adam in Nerva's body a new name or something like….Aerva…..No that sounds stupid. That's it, we're keeping it simple by going with Adam and he, despite the change in physical appearance and voice.

"Ugh, hey, Adam. You ok there pal?" I ask, kneeling down so I'm his height.

"Quincy, what happened? Why are you so big?" asks Adam.

"Look down."

It seems Adam's been so nervous he hasn't noticed his soul has been swapped either. I would tell him outright what happened but letting him discover it on his own is a lot funnier.

He looks at his hands and then slowly looks down at his new body. His face immediately shoots back up with a shocked expression.

"I-I-I'm…" he stammers.

"Yeah, you're Nerva now, congratulations." I finish for him.

"What is this? Look at me! I'm so small! Look at these arms!" he says, shooting his arms out.

"They're so short! Plus look at these legs, why are they so tiny?! I feel like an ant! Everything around me is gigantic!" he continues.

"Hey, man, it's not all bad. Think about it, you're a girl now. That means you have girl specific ...attributes," I tell him.

"I-I can have a period?" Adam questions.

"Not what I had in mind. Come on, Adam, use your pervert-brain."

"Ohhhhh. I have boobs!" he screams excitedly.

He immediately grabs his chest but realizes that there wasn't much to grab since the girl is as flat as a piece of paper. His face turns from one of excitement to one of disappointment.

"Aw," he says dejectedly.

I wanted him to realize he had boobs because this is most likely the only scenario in which he gets to touch some, despite them being essentially non-existent. I also wanted him to realize it because I knew it'd be funny to witness. I was right, it was hilarious, making me burst out laughing. I am having way too much fun with this. This is great.

"Hah! Ok I had enough fun let's go in and help the others. Come on Adam," I speak as I start to head my way into the church.

I because I had a feeling Adam wasn't following me. I turn around and see that he's still standing there.

"Adam, what are you waiting for? Come on, man, let's go."

"I-I can't. I'm so scared. I-I wouldn't be able to help anyway. I should just stay out here," he argues.

If seeing Adam's body say Nerva's lines was jarring then the other way around is even more so. Cowardly lines being said in Nerva's voice is the weirdest thing I've witnessed all day. I don't like it at all. I change my mind--we definitely have to swap their souls soon.

"No, Adam. Now is the time to man up. Which is funny, since you're in a woman's body, but you get what I mean."

"B-but I don't even know if I can use my healing magic in this body. I think she's only attuned her body to fire magic."

"We won't know until we try. It's time to grow some balls from your vagina. If you won't come with me, I'm throwing you in there just so you know. You're small, remember? I can do it."

"Geez, ok, ok. I'm coming. . ." Adam relents.

He starts trying to walk forward but apparently forgot how to because he's wobbling all over the place and looks like he's about to fall.

"The hell is wrong with you?" I ask.

"I-It's hard to walk in this body. I-I got curves ok? It makes walking weird. I'm not used to it," he explains.

"Just hurry up man. We don't have all day."

"M-maybe you should carry me," he suggests, making him blush.

The f*ck? I want to pretend I didn't hear that. If Adam's body became manly with a woman's soul then the opposite has happened to Nerva's body and it's even weirder. Seeing Nerva's body act all...female is so weird.

The fact that I'm really talking to Adam I think is the worst part. That's it I'm not dealing with this bullsh*t. I don't say anything as I walk up to Adam and pick him up. I throw him through the window into the church.

"Ah!" he screams.

I walk into the church glad I ended whatever the hell just happened.

The inside of the church is as decrepit as the outside. There are holes in the roof and there are clusters of spiderwebs on the ceiling. Looking down I see rows of large but run down benches. There are large walkways splitting up the rows with old carpets on them. The large glass pane windows depict the Gods and Goddesses but they are really dirty. I think I recognize Vienna in a few of them but it's kinda hard to tell. If this place was refurbished I think It would look pretty nice.

"Owww," I hear to my left.

Unsurprisingly it's Adam. He gets up and tries to brush some of the dirt off.

"Come on, let's go. Otherwise I'm throwing you again," I threaten.

"Alright alright please don't do that again. I don't think my little body can take a lot of damage," he states.

I know that's bull because I've seen what Nerva can take. I still remember knocking her to the ground with one of my punches only for her to get back up. Adam is just being a baby. At least he has a body where that doesn't look as sad. I motion for him to follow and he does so, still wobbling. I jog my way down the surprisingly long walkway allowing me to catch up with Warren and Nerva.

They have stopped in their tracks as they stare at what I guess is the Yero. It doesn't look like what I imagined it to be. It has a humanoid figure with extremely long arms, easily taller than myself. Its legs are gangly, the knees bending backwards. Its skin reminds me of the nighttime sky.

The skin is black, not me-colored black, but actual space black. Adding to the space look are the white dots reminding me of stars. The thing's head is humanoid but its face is blank, lacking any noticeable characteristics. There's no nose, eyes, or any other facial features. How it sees or eats, I have no idea.

What doesn't look natural is the collar around the thing's neck with a flashing red light. The creature seems docile because it's only standing behind a podium. The imagery makes it look like it's about to give a sermon but I'm pretty sure this thing is not about to start praising Jesus.

I descry Warren and Nerva. Warren is in the aisle to the left of me. He has his machete in his hand and is looking at the thing warily like he's ready to make a move at any moment. Nerva is two aisles to the right. She looks ready to pounce as well, holding the dagger that was sheathed on Adam's body.

Looks like Warren stopped her in time because knowing her she would have attacked the thing by now. She must know by now that her soul is in a different body. I wonder how she reacted. Adam catches up and is in the aisle next to me.

"What took you two so long?" Warren asks without taking his eyes off the creature.

"Adam was being really weird. Like a whole new level of weird. I don't want to get near him for the rest of the quest. Preferably for the rest of my life," I tell him.

"I-it wasn't that weird. I only wanted to be carried by him," Adam asserts.

"What?" Warren questions in astonishment, taking his eyes off the creature to look at Adam.

"I-it made sense in context ok?" Adam explains.

"No it doesn't." I retort.

"Whatever, let's focus on killing this thing. We're lucky it's docile right now. Everyone stay as far away from each other as possible. If we get hit by its beam without any living creature next to us to swap our souls with we should be fine. But this place probably has a lot of bugs we can't see so don't get hit," Warren instructs.

"So what are we waiting for? Let's rush it," I propose getting into my boxer stance and turning on my aura.

"No, the best way to kill this thing is from long range. Adam, can you shoot a fireball at it?" Warren asks.

"Ugh I have no idea. I can try but I've never done this type of magic before," Adam expresses.

"Why the fuck you need him to use fire magic? I'm right here," Nerva says, turning towards Warren.

She notices her old body and forms a puzzled look.

"Why the fuck am I standing there?" she questions, pointing at Adam.

Did she really not realize that her soul has been swapped this whole time? I want to say that I'm surprised but a part of me expected this to happen.

She examines her new body.

"What the fuck happened!? What's this shit?!" she yells.

"Your soul has been swapped with Adam's. You're in his body right now. Don't freak out," Warren says.

"Ah, fuck so I didn't get a growth spurt? God damn it. Hey, wait, Adam have you been doing perverted shit in my body? I'm not afraid to kick my own ass," she threatens.

"Yes," I answer for him.

"W-what no I haven't. All I did was get thrown through a window. I don't want to do perverted things to your body," Adam reassures.

"Oh, so I ain't fucking good enough for you? You don't like being inside me? Well guess what, asshole, I don't like being inside you either."

"W-why are you phrasing it so weirdly? Please don't hurt my body," Adam pleads.

"What-fucking-ever. I decided that I'm kicking my own ass."

"No, please don't, I'm fragile. Look at my little limbs and face," Adam begs, putting his arms up.

This is a really weird thing to witness. I just watched Adam technically yell at Nerva but I also saw Nerva yelling at Adam. This whole thing has been bizarre and I love it.

"Guys, focus. Adam, just try. Nerva, you try shooting a fireball too. You're both magicians, you should both be able to do what the other can," Warren commands with an impatient tone.

"What do I do?" I inquire.

"You and I are to stay still. If we move in we'll definitely get our bodies switched. Let's get back," Warren orders.

Warren and I proceed to slowly back up while keeping our eyes on the Yero. Adam and Nerva put their hands up as they attempt to shoot fireballs at the creature. Warren and I wait for about thirty seconds but nothing happens.

"What's wrong?" Warren calls out.

"I-I can't do it. I'm trying my hardest but nothing's coming out," Adam responds.

"What the fuck!? Why won't this shit work? Adam, your body blows!" Nerva complains.

"Hey, that's mean. I'm sure our bodies are trying their hardest. . ."

"Stop fighting. Their souls must not be accustomed to their bodies, preventing them from using magic. Guess this plan won't work," Warren concludes.

"So what do we do? Want me to throw a rock at it?" I suggest.

It sounds like I'm joking but it's a real suggestion. If I throw a rock as hard as I can with the full use of my aura behind it, it could work.

"No, I got another idea but be prepared with a rock in case," Warren responds.

I look at the ground and find a pretty big rock to chuck at the Yero. It's small enough for me to hold in one hand yet is large enough to do some damage. I give Warren the nod I'm ready. He nods in return, starting to walk closer to the Yero. It's strange how docile this thing is. The fighting between Adam and Nerva hasn't disturbed it at all.

Even if this creature isn't usually aggressive you'd think that loud noises would make it react. Regardless, Warren is pretty close to the creature while I have my rock ready. Warren raises his arm with the machete and throws it at the Yero like it was a tomahawk.

The machete flies through the air but right before the machete goes into the Yero's head the creature leans to the side, making the machete stick itself into the altar behind it.

The creature wails, lifting up its arm and forms a blue light in the palm of its hand, aiming at Warren. I attempt to kill it before it fires its beam by throwing my rock. My plan works as my rock hits the creature in the head making it stumble.

Warren sprints towards the altar passing the Yero and rips his machete out of the wall. He then attacks the Yero with it via a vertical strike. He cuts the creature's arm off making it wail in pain as green blood spurts out of the wound. It yells so loud that all of us cover our ears and get on the ground. The Yero attempts to get out of the church by beelining to the front door.

"Oh no you don't you fucking space looking ass bitch!" Nerva yells as she runs towards the creature with Adam's dagger in hand.

She gets behind it to stab in the back. More green blood starts to come out as the creature quickly turns around, charging up a blue beam with its other hand. I run towards it, flanking the distracted monster. Once I'm close enough I dash so that I'm next to the creature's left side and give it as hard of a punch I can to its stomach.

The creature reels in pain yet still manages to fire its beam. Fortunately the blow messed up its aim because the beam shot into the sky. Warren runs up with his machete, plunging it into the creature's chest. It punches all three of us away as it wails again in agony. We get up to see the creature is on its last legs. It totters before finally falling down dead. That was intense for a thing that was supposed to be easy to kill.

"That could have gone worse but at least it's dead. Adam, Nerva, have you guys switched back yet?" Warren asks, catching his breath.

We look at Adam's body. We lean in, curious to see if his soul's back.

"It worked. I'm back in my own body. I've never been so happy to be me," he says, relieved.

"You motherfucker! You made me hide under a bench?" shouts Nerva, crawling her way out from under the bench next to us. It's kinda funny to look at her shimmy her way out.

"Hey I-I couldn't help anyway. Besides you could think of it as me protecting your body," Adam argues, trying to justify his cowardice.

I don't think it works because Nerva punches him in the stomach.

"Owww. My body was already in pain from you fighting the Yero oww," Adam moans.

While this was happening Warren stands over the creature's body. I get closer to get a better look at the thing. The collar that was on the creature's neck is still flashing red and it's now emitting a faint beeping sound.

"What's that thing on its neck?" I ask Warren.

"No idea. It can't be anything good. Let's get proof that we killed this thing and get out of here," Warren says as he uses his machete to cut the creature's head off.

I think I hear Adam throw up in the background from witnessing it while Nerva calls him a p*ssy.

"Let's go," Warren commands, carrying the Yero's head in his left arm.

We follow until he makes an abrupt stop.

"Stand back," Warren instructs.

"Why? We're done aren't we? No more fighting resulting in me being in pain?" Adam asks.

"Shhh," I say, turning towards Adam.

Warren crouches to the ground, heading to a front window. Same one I threw Adam through actually. We all follow suit. I look out and I see cars? Like I swear those are cars with bright headlights.There are six of them and they aren't normal cars. They look like 1920's prohibition era gangster vehicles but instead of having wheels, they float.

"This is where it's at?" growls a deep voice.

"Yes if my tracker is working it should be inside this church," answers a nasally voice.

"Alright boys, let's check it out. Remember to try to catch the Yero alive. We won't get any money if it's dead."

Armed men get out of the cars. Jesus, are those guns? Guns exist here? I can carry out my god given second amendment rights in this world? I shouldn't be focusing on that right now but I can't help it. The men are wearing suits with fedoras and they carry what look like tommy guns. What's even stranger is that each gun has its own aura. Or maybe it's more accurate to say that aura is being pumped into them?

"Damn it. . .," Warren quietly mutters.

"Who are those guys?" Adam whispers to Warren.

"Ah fuck yeah it's the mafia," Nerva answers excitedly in a hush voice.

"What? What are they doing here?" Adam quietly asks.

"They're here for the Yero aren't they?" I question.

"Looks like it. They have the place surrounded too so we're not able to sneak out of here," Warren states.

I inch my way to another window and darn Warren's right. In addition to the six cars in front of the church there are a few more cars surrounding the building. We're trapped. A group of gangsters slowly make their way to the church from all sides with their guns raised.

"I'm gonna die I'm gonna die I'm gonna die. . ." Adam cries in the fetal position.

"Guys calm down I got a plan. Stay here," Warren orders.

"Are you gonna let me fuck them up?" Nerva asks as Warren is about to open the front door.

"Maybe. Be prepared for anything. You guys go hide for now," Warren tells us.

Adam, Nerva and I hide under some nearby benches. From our hiding spots we see Warren take a deep breath, then open the door.