Unchartered territory

"I want you" she says moving her hand down to my boxers.

Insatiable, we've already had sex countless times and she just keeps asking for more. That's definitely a first too.

"You do?" I tease her.

She chuckles and looks up at me. I melt at her looking into my eyes.

"I only want you" she says simply. She starts massaging me under my boxers.

It's like she reads my thoughts, saying she only wants me alleviates my worries about Ross.

"I only want you too babe" I tell her and mean it.

"That works out nicely then" she chuckles.

She continues touching me down there and I'm getting carried away.

"You know if you keep doing that I'm going to have to do something about it" I tease her.

"I think it's your turn, to use up your brownie points" she chuckles

I laugh. She climbs on top of me. I'm completely captivated by her. She's so sexy like this.

She lowers herself down and takes me in her mouth. I wasn't expecting that.

"Fuck. Taylor" I say

She looks up at me whilst sucking me off. Thats enough to send me places.

Her eyes are beautiful and she looks so innocent but she's doing the most naughty thing I've seen her do for me.

"You wanna climb on top now? I'm close babe" I tell her.

She climbs on top of me and I'm inside her. It feels incredible. Each time I'm amazed at how ready she feels for me.

We both climax at the same time.

Laying back down next to me I pull her into my chest. And that's when I realise it. Fucking hell I didn't even think twice. I've just had sex with her without any protection.

This girl is doing things to me, I always remember that at all costs. No wonder it felt crazy good for me, it's not only because she just took me in her mouth but because I had no condom on.

"Ugh we just had sex without" I start saying

She looks at me all confused.

"We just didn't use protection" I say

"I'm sorry Tay it's my fault I should have remembered but I was I dunno not thinking" I say.

She looks at me, realisation dawning on her face.

"What do we do now then" she ask's quietly

"I'll take you to the drop in tomorrow morning, if you like? morning after pill?" I suggest to her.

She's quiet, I feel like it's all my fault and I've blown it. She pulls her arms around me making me feel better. I should be the one doing that for her.

"I mean this is all your choice" I say holding her face in my hands. Searching her eyes. God I'm cracking up.

"You can take the pill, I'll drive us there and then maybe we should think about better contraception." I advise.

"Or you can just not take the pill" I say like a mad man.

She looks at me like in talking French.

"It's your body, I would stand by you whatever your choice" I clarify.

"It's my fault I'm sorry I just got carried away, hey I was the one that started it" she says

Please don't cry is all I can think.

I'm 18 and I'm not ready for anything in my life but Id like to think I should give her the choice to do what she needs to do, and it is her body. If she decided she wanted to just let nature run its course I would stand by her decision. I would do my best by her either way.

"We'll sort it out tomorrow, I don't think you can get pregnant that like that anyways." She chuckles

"Don't people like actively try to get pregnant I mean" she says.

"but you're right contraception is a very good idea" she says.

"I didn't realise we would be doing it quite this much" she laughs.

This girl grounds me. How is it she can make me laugh in a situation like this. I've never had to navigate a situation like this before and she just holds me together. Normally I would shout and act out but I can't do that with her because I want her to stay, for good.

I hold her in my arms for the second night in a row, and she falls asleep with me. I look down at her sleeping, I'm stroking her hair away from her face. I'm thinking, yes I'm 18 but this could actually be the one person to change my life. To stick in it with me. Maybe I'm getting carried away but I never ever felt this way about somebody.

I've had accidents before, condoms split and stuff like that. And I literally acted like a dumbass and just said get the pill. No care, no choices. When this dawned on me tonight, the first thing I thought was I love you, please don't leave me for fucking this up. And then it hit me, I love this girl. I won't say it to her yet because she'll think I'm nuts.

But I know that is the one reason why this is feeling different for me. It's the reason I feel so jealous and so insecure of her being around other guys, especially guys that are like I was. It's why I can't make decisions for her because I care about her too much to not push her into a certain direction. I kiss her on her head. I tell myself that I will be there for her tomorrow, I will listen to her and get her what she needs. I hold onto her tightly until I fall asleep.