I love you

*trigger warning-abortion

Matty grabs the bill. I did offer to pay this time. I really do not want him to think that I am just letting him pay for everything. Is it not enough that I've stayed at his place for days?

Before making a decision we decide to take a walk. There's a park locally and Matty suggests we go there.

Walking along the path with him his hand closed around mine. He makes me feel so reassured, his body language has completely evolved towards me. It's changed in the way that he no longer tentatively holds my hand but clasps it in his own like it belongs there.

"So you said, don't decide on anything because of what i think you want earlier what did you mean" I ask him.

"I meant that just please don't assume that I'm going to just run to the hills. I'm not like that. I meant that I want to be supportive with your decision. I want what is best for you, I want you to decide what you want to do and make an informed choice. I want to be happy with you. If that means seeing how this pans out then I will do my very best to meet your expectations." He says looking ahead.

I'm floored. Honestly who knew how grown up and eloquent he could be?

"Let's just discuss the options." He says smiling at me.

"Option one: we've had sex it was amazing, we didn't intend to not use protection but these things happen when your girl is unbelievably beautiful. We leave it open, whatever happens happens. We are either pregnant or not. Once we reach that milestone we decide how we feel about the situation. And we try to think more rationally about the logistics of the situation.

Option two: we go to the clinic today. We nip the situation in the bud. They will not be able to tell you at this early stage for sure if we are or not. We go through the process of it all. Pick up some contraception. We will move on in our relationship just fine. We will not ever know whether you did get pregnant or not.

Can you think of any other options?" He asks me.

"No. I can't and nicely put. But if we went with option one and we both decided to have an abortion, that would be a bigger ordeal than taking a pill" I tell him.

He squeezes my hand.

"What do you think?" I ask him looking up into his eyes.

"I think we're probably overthinking the whole thing. Like you said people usually spend months or years trying to get pregnant. What's the likelihood we managed it in one night?"

"But I also think if you know for sure that this isn't what you want I am happy to support you, just the same as I will if you want to see how it goes" he says.

I go quiet again. We're still walking and he just gives me time to process everything in my head.

I think about university and the courses I want to do and how I would even manage a dance degree whilst pregnant.

I think about my mum and her reaction if I told her I was pregnant at 18. Complete madness that would be.

But the one thing that makes up my mind is that I think of Matty growing up with me through university becoming an artist in his own right and me passing university and hopefully getting a job and then I can see us having an opportunity like this one and being ready to deal with it.

"I think I want to go to the clinic. I don't think this is the right time for me or for you to manage this situation. And no matter how tempted I am, the idea of hanging on to find out is impossible for me. And having an abortion would be impossible for me too, I know I wouldn't be able to do that. Thank-you for being the best partner ever and I love you" I tell him.

"I love you too, and I support your decision." Matty says. And it's just what I needed to hear. I feel so lucky to have him go through this with me.

He hugs me in the middle of the park and kisses me on my lips. Then he takes my hand. And leads me back to the car.