Damn the stars

***Taylor's POV***

I'm drifting in and out of sleep, I can feel Matty's strong arms around me and I'm pressed up against his neck and chest. I smile and kiss him lightly. He's still asleep, unmoving. I touch his shoulders, working them and trying to get all of the tension out of them. He sighs and it makes me laugh. I then move on to the middle of his back and lastly his lower back, I can tell he loves a back rub already.

I will give him a proper one soon.

"Just another thing you're really good at" he chuckles sleepily.

"Shh" I whisper "you can stay asleep" I say.

I keep touching him.

My mind wonders back to last night. Meeting Matty's mum and Steve. The amazing food and great conversation, I smile I feel so lucky right now.

I look forward to seeing them again and I can't wait to see where we will go.

I remember having passionate sex with Matty and the realisation that we were so carried away with each other we forgot one of the most important things. Contraception. I'm not all that scared by the whole thing, I very much should be. I'm 18 and I've known Matty for such a short period of time. Although it feels like much longer.

I gaze at him still sleeping next to me. His dark lashes, flawless skin and his ruffled dark hair. How could I not be hopelessly in love with this guy?

My head wanders thinking about him telling me that it's all my choice.

I don't for one second think I'm pregnant, I know people try for months if not years to have babies. It's not something I've really thought about ever in my life. I mean I always thought I would have a baby someday, when I was grown up.

I can't help but think he's incredibly mature and honourable for saying what he said. I was in complete chaos in my head at the prospect. He was just like "okay I'll stand by your decision whatever that might be". That would have huge implications for him and his life and future and I feel so much respect for him for being so open.

I collect in my head all of the things I know about being a parent and being a mother to anyone and come up completely blank. At this stage in my life there's not the capacity for me to fulfil that role. I damn the stars for presenting me with this opportunity when I am unable to fulfil that potential. Ten years time, maybe that's an opportunity I can seize but now I think the answer is clear.

I look at Matty holding me by my waist, pulling me into him. I romanticise what a child of his would look like, with his dark curly hair. I imagine him holding onto me whilst I'm pregnant. All of the imagery that comes into my head is lovely and completely a dream. I push the images away from myself distancing myself from everything, welcoming in clarity.

I grab my phone from the side. Matty protests but I tell him I'm coming back. I face him again and check my phone. Alarmed that I have messages from two other guys. Ross and Tom. How did I become so popular.

Ross is asking whether I'm going to the birthday party. And Toms message I will not even entertain. Not going to happen. I put the phone back. Ignoring the world.

"Good morning, babe" he says smiling at me.

I can't help but smile back at him and kiss him.

"Good morning, I could get used to waking up to you" I tell him.

"Me too baby" he chuckles.

"You wanna go get breakfast, pancakes I mean" he laughs.

"Mmm that's an offer I cannot refuse at all" I say to him.

He pulls me in, hands on my waist under his T-shirt that I'm wearing. He's staring into my eyes, rubbing my back and moving his hands over my belly. He has never touched me there before. I smile back at him.

"Have you thought anymore about the clinic" I ask him, I must be direct with him.

"I'm with you all the way whatever you decide" he says simply.

I kiss him deeply, he gives me his all back.

Eventually we leave his bed. I pull on jeans and a top and his jacket which is more comfy than my own.

He's wearing a khaki t-shirt which looks like it was made for him it suits him so much. A nice pair of jeans and vans.

Grabbing his car keys we head out for breakfast. He clasps his hand around mine as we walk to the car.