CHAPTER 88: AN APOLOGY IS NOT ENOUGH

"You good?" Malik entered the room, startling me. I looked up from my phone and smiled at him. Or at least tried to. Malik looked at me with a frown. "You called someone?" he asked, nodding towards the phone still in my hands.

"Just called Chuck," I told him.

"I take it wasn't great?"

I scoffed at that. It was okay. Kinda.

"You gonna call Marsha?" Malik asked again and I nodded. With a long sigh, I rested my head on his shoulder and he engulfed me in his arms. "The longer you put it off, the harder it'll be," Malik tells me.

Boy, don't I know that.

"Can't I just offer her my neck as an offering?" I whine to him.

"It is a pretty neck," Malik says, kissing my neck in a little butterfly kiss, making me giggle.

"Okay, Stop. I get it," I push him away to save myself. Also to brace myself.

"I'll wait for you outside," he tells me. I smile at him gratefully as he exits the room and closes the door behind him.

I take a deep, deep breath before calling Marsha.

"Lee…" Marsha's voice is calm. Too calm.

"Sha…" My voice is already cracking. "I'm sorry," I tell her when she says nothing else.

"Are you okay?" she asks slowly.

"Yeah."

"Are you safe?"

"Yes."

"Are you hurt?"

"Ye…" I stop at that.

"Is it Allen?" Marsha asks after taking a deep breath and I think I drop my heart. But she still sounds calm. Which is truly what makes it worse.

"How?" I ask in turn, trying not to sound horrified.

"You're a terrible liar," Marsha tells me, and, well. Now I know.

"Chuck?" I ask, still terrified.

"He doesn't know," Marsha says, "but you need to tell him. We don't keep secrets, remember? And we definitely don't lie to each other, Lee…" now her voice sounds sad and now I want to cry.

"I know… I'm sorry…" I mean it, I really do. "I'm going to tell him after I make things right, okay?"

"What do you want to do?" Marsha asks.

"First, apologize to Joy," I tell her.

Probably not the ebay move, since it'll really hurt her. But Joy needs to know.

"Are you sure?" Marsha asks, now sounding worried.

"I am," I reassure her. "I'm her friend too. And like you said, we don't keep secrets from each other.

"It can go really badly, you realize that?"

"I do."

And I'm prepared for it.

Well, I hope I am.

"Do you really know what you are doing?" Marsha asks again. I take a deep breath and answer her.

"The right thing, I hope," I tell her.

And then she goes silent. I also have nothing more I want to say to her other than 'I'm sorry'.

"What do you need?" Marsha asks finally.

"Time? Please?" I ask of her.

"Okay," Marsha sighs. "I'm not okay with any of this, by the way. I am not okay anyone hurting you. I am not okay keeping things from Chuck and Kenneth. I am not okay," Marsha says in a whisper and I think she's crying and that just gutted me.

"I'm sorry," I tell her again.

"Just, do what you need," she tells me. "And then we'll talk, okay?"

"Okay," my voice is barely a whisper now.

"Love you," she tells me. And I can not be more grateful.

"I love you too."

*

I don't know how long I stay in the room. But by the time I go out, it's already dark and Keaton has come back from wherever he was during the day. I think at some point I fell asleep. I wake up with a sore back and ache all over the rest of my body.

"Keaton…" I call out to him as I make my way to the dining table.

"What's wrong with your voice?" Keaton asks, worry apparent in his voice and face, as she gets up and approaches me. He puts his palm on hy forehead, feeling it.

"What?" I ask back as I feel my own face.

"You have a fever," Keaton says and turns to look at Malik who shrugs.

"He sleeps after crying, and without lunch, of course he's gonna get sicker than he already is," Malik says. Well, scolding, to be exact.

"Sorry," I throw him a grin which he returns with a scowl.

I sit down at the dining table and Malik hands me a glass of warm water and my medicines. I take it and give him a grateful smile before drinking everything.

"Dinner's will be ready soon," Malik says before walking back to the stove to continue whatever he's doing.

"Why were you crying?" Keaton asks as he holds my hand, gripping it tightly.

"I called Marsha and Chuck earlier…" I tell him.

"Did they hurt you?" Keaton frowns at that and I am shocked to even imagine that.

"No! Of course not," I reassure him. "I'm just feeling guilty and sad and… well, kinda miss them," I tell him with a shrug so I don't sound too depressed.

"Why don't you invite them here?" Keaton asks.

"And have them see me like this?" I scoff, gesturing toward my whole body where there are plenty of wounds.

"They're not gonna kill you," Malik says, rolling his eyes as he puts down some dishes on the table.

"I'd prefer they do though," I chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. I earned an eye roll from Malik and a sigh from Keaton. I chuckled at that and said more seriously, "Not that I don't want them here. But if they do come here, I'm just afraid that it'll weaken my resolution. I get really whiny and dependent when they're around and in the end I will just make them solve all my problems, which, in the end, will not solve them at all," I explained to the two men who were listening to me intently, thinking.

"Do you really not need help?" Keaton asked again, a little hopefully.

"Not that I don't…" I said carefully, staring at him. "I kinda do need your help but…"

"What do you need me to do?" he asked, a little eagerly having to finally be able to do something, perhaps. Even though he had helped me tremendously. He was nice like that.

"What about me?" Malik asked and I chuckled at that.

"Yes, you too," I said, "I need my notebook. It's been days since I last went to class so I need to make up for it and probably submit an application for more leave. I also need to finish and send my assignments. I really need to get a good grade and finish early because of my internship next year," I told them.

"Right, Paris," Malik said with a nod, as he was thinking.

"Anything else?" Keaton asked with a gentle smile.

I stared at him, debating. I needed him to do one thing for me, but I didn't know how to ask for it, though.

I thought for a long time but then I remembered Malik's words; one step at a time.

"I'll tell you after I deal with school stuff," I finally said with a smile.