Ep. 25

The first day of classes, I had the dreaded DADA with the Puffs, so I sat with Silvia, Camille, and Kat. I didn't even waste time looking at our dear 'Professor' and just kicked back, covered my face with my hat, and started half-sleeping. Seeing me like that, Silvia, Camille, and Kat understood that these lessons would be a joke, so they also sat back and started gossipping amongst themselves. Something about who's the sexiest man alive: me or Harrison Ford. It was a heated debate: American charm or otherworldly Vampire? I personally love his movies and think he's a sexy man. No homo, but it's an objective opinion.

Soon enough, Lockhart started introducing himself, so I sat properly, just to humor him. The girls weren't even listening to him.

"Let me introduce you to your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher… Me!" He took a dramatic pause. "Gilderoy Lockhart! 'Order of Merlin, Third Class', honorary member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five times winner of 'Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award'." He gave an irritating smile. "But I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at them!"

He then proceeded to pass out his stupid quiz on himself, so I decided to mess with him.

"Mr. Lockhart, I was recently reading your book, 'Voyages with Vampires', and I had a few questions, if you don't mind." I had a cheshire cat smile on my face, which showed my fangs.

He audibly gulped but soon took on his annoyingly stupid smile. "Of course, Mr. Maleficarum! How can I enlighten you on Vampires?"

"Oh, no no. It's not about enlightening me on Vampires. It's more about where you found such a… Peculiar Vampire. I think I know more than enough regarding my own race."

"Ah, uhm… Yes, indeed! Haha! I had an encounter with a Vampire in Bulgaria, as I was researching some important points for another book I had planned."

"I see. And, tell me, how exactly did you 'convince' this Vampire to basically kill himself?"

"Kill himself?" he asked by reflex

"Why, of course! Vampires are carnivorous creatures, as you surely know. We eat meat and blood, so eating only lettuce would have inevitably led to his death."

"Oh, uhm… Start your quiz! You have thirty minutes!" He avoided the question, much to the delight of all the other students. I rose from my seat and handed him his books and quiz.

"Thank you, Mr. Lockhart, but I believe that I am not suited for your class. I will just take the exam at the end of the year. Anyone else think that this class is too 'advanced' for their student minds?" I said, aiming the question at the students. All the Slytherins and basically every Hufflepuff also rose and gave Lockhart the books and quiz. I exited the classroom followed by the cheering students and a screeching Lockhart.

"So, boycotting classes now?" asked Camille

"You have seen the guy, we would have just lost out precious neurons by staying in class." I turned to the mass of students. "People! Tell everyone that I will get a free room in the castle and open the Defense Club! There's no need to learn about Lockhart's favorite color or his shampoo potion! For now, head back to your Common Rooms or the Great Hall, so as to not disturb other classes!"

The students obediently followed my orders like lambs trotting happily towards the slaughterhouse. I instead went towards Dumblefuck's office. I haven't forgotten the fact that he was the cause for my howler last year. I casted a spell on the Gargoyle, so I was let in quite quickly.

Since I am a good boi and I actually came uninvited, I knocked on the Headmaster's doors.

"Come in!"

"Sorry, Headmaster, could I talk with you real quick?"

"Oh, Azagareth! Come in, sit down. This time, I can offer you a blood lollipop." he said, extending a small case with a couple of red lollipops in it. I took one since they are quite good.

"So, Headmaster. It seems that Mr. Lockhart's classes are too… Complex for me and my fellow students to follow. Since we would prefer not falling behind, I was wondering if I could start a Defense Club, to study DADA independently and… Fill in what we do not 'understand' from his classes." I said, the unwrapped the lollipop and threw it in my mouth. Mm, it's sweet to the right point. I need to give it to Honeydukes, the know their stuff.

"Oh, I believe that it's a wonderful idea! I guess you would need an empty classroom though. How about the old Transfiguration classroom on the second floor? It might need a few cleaning spells here and there, but I am sure that you would find it suitable." the old codger said with twinkling eyes. He immediately got where I was going with my question.

"That would be perfect, Headmaster. Then, I will leave you to your work, thank you for your time."

I headed towards the Great Hall since I felt that most students were there. Upon entering, I flashed a smile: "WE ARE FREE!"

Cheers ensued, then they slowly quieted down. "We have the old Transfiguration classroom all for us! I will hold the Defense Club during our classroom hours and after school, for those that couldn't come before! We will see if it is needed, but I might also add a session during the weekend! You are free to come whenever!"

After that, I quickly made a poster with magic to advertise my club and sent a golem-puppet to clean and refurbish the classroom. By the end of the week, no one went to Lockhart's classes anymore and they all joined my Defense Club. It might be a pain in the ass to teach basically seven years of material, but I did study golemancy and puppetry for reasons like this. Plus, Gilderoy's face was too good to pass on the opportunity. I basically had a constant smile on my face because I could feel his anger and jealousy growing by the second.

Soon enough, Halloween arrived. Harry, Daphne, and Hermione were not in the Great Hall during the feast, so was Ginny. With my superhuman hearing, I could hear the Basilisk going through the pipes and whispering. It was quite creepy when you hear it first-hand. I must commend Harry on his courage to search for the origin of the voice. If I were a normal second year with no knowledge of canon, I would no doubt talk with Dumbledore and get the fuck out of this place, if possible.

I rose from my place and went towards the source of the voices. Dumbledore noticed my strange behavior and tasked Snape with following me. The moment I got out of the Great Hall, I turned to talk with the potions master.

"There is something in the walls. It speaks in reptilian, probably a snake. It wants blood. Professor Snape, inform Dumbledore and keep the students safe. I will go and get the ones missing from the feast."

"You're a Parseltongue? Color me surprised. Go now, we will ascertain your claims later." He immediately turned around and left. I ran towards the location of Nearly-Headless Nick's Deathday party and found the golden trio exiting the room.

"You three! Come with me, there's another problem." I said.

"Wait, Az! There was a voice! And it wanted to kill!" Harry shouted

"I know, I heard it as well. It was reptilian, so nobody else except me and you heard it, Harry. It was moving in the pipes, so it could be anywhere. Come with me, then we can deal with the rest."

Oh, you might be wondering why I am doing this and not minding my own business, right? Well, it's because I want to be the focus of the hate. Think of it: the King of Slytherin, who is a dark creature, a Parseltongue, and an accomplished wizard opens up the Chamber of Secrets to kill other students? That will fucking terrify these kids! I bet that they'll go back to Lockhart's classes, except for a select few, so I will have fun watching his satisfied smile. Then, I will enjoy making him confess in front of the whole school.

While returning to the Great Hall, we came about Filch's petrified cat and the blood message.

"Well, this is not ominous at all… Let's go back to the Great Hall we need to inform Dumbledore." said Daphne

At that moment, Dumbledore turned the corner with McGonagall and Lockhart.

"Azagareth! What happened here?" he asked

"Excellent question. I have no idea. As I said to Professor Snape, I heard a voice in reptilian. I could also hear some slithering from inside the pipes. The owner of the voice wanted blood, and it seems like it accomplished its goal. 'The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the heir, beware.' Seems like there's another happy little incident this year, huh Headmaster?"

"Indeed, Azagareth, a happy little incident."

I crouched down to 'examine the crime scene'. "The floor is wet. The closest water source to here is the girls' bathroom. As for the message… It's difficult to say who wrote this. The calligraphy isn't enough for me to say if it was a male or female. Based on the height though, it was either multiple people, or someone with a ladder. Probably someone who can cast the levitation charm, which means almost everyone. As for the cat…" I levitated Mrs. Norris to my hand and 'examined' her. "It's petrified, not dead. It's not a curse a student is capable of. Actually, it's not a curse at all, I can't feel any human magic coming from the cat."

"Human magic? Then you are saying that it wasn't a human?" asked McG

"Exactly. There is magic on the cat, but it can't be cast by a human. A magical creature on the other hand… I probably could, actually, I can… And I also know how to dispel it." I said and cast a couple of Holy spells. The cat started moving, even though it was still a little lethargic. "The effects will wear out completely in a few minutes. The curse used was a weakened instant death spell, so it's a normal result."

"Thank you for your examination, Mr. Maleficarum! I had certainly noted the same -" started saying Lockhart, but Dumbles cut him off.

"Azagareth, my boy, head back to the Great Hall with Mr. Potter, Ms. Greengrass, and Ms. Granger. One by one, help the prefects lead the students to their Common Rooms. This floor is now a prohibited area. Me and the other teachers must investigate what happened. Professor Lockhart, why don't you bring Mrs. Norris here to the infirmary? I am sure that Madam Pomfrey will have something to help her recover. I will talk with Mr. Filch personally."

I nodded and brought the trio back to the Great Hall. There, I informed the Prefects of Dumbledore's orders and slowly escorted the students to 'safety'. I was asked what was happening, so I just said: "There has been an accident, but it has been solved. Despite that, the Professors need to investigate, so we all need to head back. Rejoice, for it's unlikely that we will have classes tomorrow."

That immediately dispelled all tension and made the students very, very happy. No one likes attending classes, at least not fully. Ginny was not in the Great Hall, so I can easily convince Dumbles to check her out. Not the pedo way, the perquisition way. If I get my hands on Riddle's diary before some four-eyes skewers it, I can easily have Dumbledore search and destroy all of the Horcruxes, so that I can kill snake-face during the Triwizard Tournament. I reasoned that there is no need to have him disseminate terror… But, that would also give way to the Ministry's interference and my accomplishment would be covered up… Nah, I'll let the egg-head roam freely for a year or two until those idiots realize that he is back. I will just train and care for my bookstore in the meanwhile.

Inside the Slytherin Common Room, I decided to play a little game. I'll see these kids' reactions. I gathered all students, including Ginny.

"So, I am going to tell you exactly what happened and I want you all to be very attentive. As you all know, Hogwarts was founded by Ravenclaw, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Slytherin-"

"The four houses." noted a very rude student.

"Indeed, but don't interrupt me. As I was saying, these four great wizards and witches created this school, but there was conflict among them. Nothing violent, but their ideal conflicted. Slytherin wanted to teach magic only to the 'worthy', the pure-bloods. It was later demonstrated that there is no real difference between Muggle-borns and pure-bloods, just that the latter have a better foundation before their schooling. Anyway, it is said that Slytherin built a secret chamber, the Chamber of Secrets, and hid a horrifying creature in it. When he left the castle, he sealed the chamber, and it would be opened only by his heir." I took a dramatic pause. "The Chamber of Secrets has been opened once in the past, which resulted in the death of a student and it almost made the school close down. Tonight, the chamber has been opened again."