CHAPTER 9- AMESHA FAILED TO MOVE ON

A YEAR AGO

"Mesha, are you okay?" he asked when I slipped at the edge of the lobby.

I feel really embarrassed, this is the result of waking up late and eating breakfast late. Leaving in a hurry, lucky when we reached the school gate there was still a gap to get through the gate which in a matter of seconds would be closed.

One word for Amesha right now, careless! I cursed myself in annoyance. Indeed, after the lobby there are stairs and in the middle of the stairs there is a sloping path that decreases 60 degrees, if measured using an arc. His hand was now reaching out to me, I was busy cleaning the blue sleeves and skirt. When I saw his smile and hands, he was still like a SAR team.

"Amesha, right?" he probed... Just stunned and I realized. Without saying yes or accepting a helping hand. Either my cheeks are puffy or pale. This is not the story of an actor who helps a princess whose shoe has fallen off. No. This is real.

I ran away to avoid it, the chanting of the serene verse made me conscious. I'm late for class. Shit. Sure enough, just appearing at the door, the Arabic teacher with a long ruler motioned to wait in front of the class.

"Amesha is aware, isn't she? It's already late, still smiling!"

"Eu, I was late because I fell, sir," as he stretched out his slightly scratched hand.

"Whose fault is it for waking up late?" His eyes were fiercer than the gaze of an eagle or a wolf in real fur.

"Excuse me sir!" I lowered my head while playing with my shoes in a circular motion.

"Amesha, you are a model student and should set a good example for your friends. So, her job is to be the secretary for today. Writing on the board is usually the secretary's job.

"When I think about you, my eyes fill with tears," I muttered while writing on the white paper which was supposed to be about chapter 2 of the Arabic lesson.

I quickly closed it when my seatmate wanted to look. My face listened to this fierce man's narrative. But, my mind was caught up in the meeting this morning with someone kind.

"Amesha! BROKE!! The eraser flew to my desk, "You know I'm daydreaming.

"Yes sir! I'm ready to write!" A moment later the class started laughing.

"Amesha wants to be a comedian, sir!" said the fat person. I often call him Ndut.

"Stop it! Amesha please write this note on the blackboard," she smiled slightly at me.

"Yes, sir!" walking like a robot. More precisely, walking straight.

"Amesha has beautiful Arabic writing, that's why the punishment is there. Share beautiful writing with friends!" The teacher's stern words made me blush. It made the ears expand a little, fortunately it didn't fly into space.

"Ana uhibbu ilaika," by spelling some of the children read what was written on the board. It made Mr. Fierce's eyebrows rise slightly when I saw that his gaze was already fierce. I quickly deleted it.

~*~

That's just a memory from a year ago, he said falling in love at first sight will make a very deep impression. Yes, I felt when his hand was extended to me. Feelings of annoyance, sadness, admiration, surprise, shame mixed into one. You know, his kindness made him unable to move on. My days passed feeling full of lotus flowers everywhere. It's like a dream but, it's real. The man I later knew as Alvin turned out to be the secretary at the OSIS. It's kind of funny for a man to act like that, his writing must be neat, I muttered. At that time I was still in class XI. Alvin is one level higher than me, taking the same major.

When you have difficulty doing chemistry assignments, you often play with your class. Asking for help to solve difficult questions, the result was that many of his friends cheered us on. Even though I just feel like we're brothers and sisters. You might end up in BK if you are found to be having a special relationship with a friend at the same school. One of the prohibitions in my Madrasah, that's how it is. In the past, I was just thrown out of several favorite schools. I didn't want to go to a high school that was far away, so Madrasah Aliyah was an alternative. It's hard to adapt, coming in early, wearing a headscarf. Anyway, super tight. Go home later than neighboring schools.

Alvin is the type of person who is friendly, sociable and never hides when called out in public. I've never called. Most of the time I just keep quiet when I meet you in the canteen. Once I was offered to eat together, I politely refused. It's embarrassing but I want to. Self-esteem is still maintained, regardless of whether Amesha is treated to an 'important' person at school. The man who often smiled when teaching me the titration formula, 'prefers the calm type of woman.' I realized that all this time it often caused problems, even though according to rumors the kids were smart in physics. But, the chemistry part is down, which is strange indeed.

A conversation that I never responded to until now in an SMS message, about sincerity, honesty and regret.

"Amesha, there are many stars in the sky but only one is bright, there are many beautiful women, you are the only one I love."

I read it and wanted to jump up and down. But, Grandma was sleeping. Undo. Just smile, ask yourself. Is it appropriate? I typed a word, "Sorry sis, I'm not worthy."

"This is serious I love you," he said afterwards. I was reluctant to reply, I didn't want to cause problems with the school. I have to achieve my dreams.

The rain outside was still heavy accompanied by booming thunder. I turned off the only cellphone my grandmother had bought me. Although not like other friends. But it is very useful for sending messages or calling. Choosing to sit at the study table, doing practice questions, because the even semester UTS is right around the corner. Brother Alvin has taken part in the third Try Out.

Before the practical exam. I became increasingly reluctant to contact him or stop by his class. Just looking down when passing the class. Even though Alvin's upperclassmen and classmates often act up by cheering for Amesha-Alvin's name to be combined into Mepin. Almost every day they disturb you, so you cover your ears when they start to disturb you. It didn't last long, before the exam they were tired of bullying us. I feel like I've won myself. I'm comfortable being alone, I can go anywhere without interruption. Learn to be calm, eat comfortably. Slowly the childish attitude diminished. Classmates who once liked me started to befriend me. Previously the Clown liked to tease, but finally got tired of it. This is like a beautiful dream that I have been waiting for and dreaming of coming. Every task is always completed on time--adding positive value. For the sake of dreams and high aspirations, my hopes were placed on a prestigious university.

~*~

The day before the National Examination for upperclassmen, classes were closed for almost a week. The most boring thing--meaning no friends, canteen and pocket money. At that time, cellphones still couldn't make social media fun, they could only perch in front of the glass screen. From the morning it shows cartoons, until the afternoon it shows the news. Exactly Friday, the UN is only three days away. A television program reporting on a class XII student. I was really excited, because the location was in front of the school. Indeed, the location of the school is crossed by the Pantura road. Easy access for anyone visiting or just passing through. Honestly, every time I passed school, I felt like I hated it. Accreditation is not good, the number of students is small. There is no desire to go in there. Eh, it turns out it's like licking your own saliva. Disgusting! It turns out that what is hated is not always bad.

"The accident case that befell a class

I pinched my arm, "Auwww, this hurts so much!" definitely not a dream.

This was followed by a short message saying that tomorrow morning we would go to school with money or rice as a sign of condolences for the death of our OSIS secretary.

Jleb! "Brother Alvin???" Impossible. He's too good, God why him. I thought.

"What's wrong, Nduk? Why are you screaming," Grandma's figure appeared from behind the door, looking at the piece of news that was about to end.

"Mbah, that's the senior I often tell Mbah about... he's called the Creator," I just looked down to hide the tears that had fallen.

"Innalilah wa innailahi raji'un! It's fate, Nduk. Don't feel guilty. This is just a trial for His servant. Including the luck of your friend who has been called by Allah. "That means he has found the true meaning of life," his old hand was rubbing the top of my head.

The words Grandma spoke made me calm down a little. Unconsciously, he immediately hugged her fragile figure but was full of affection for me.

The next day, the courtyard which was usually used for ceremonial activities was now full of lower class students and even upperclassmen were also present. All schools celebrate quiet day. Only my school celebrates a day of mourning. Not only for mourning, joint prayer is continued with istighosah. Even though everything was impromptu, the students were very enthusiastic.

I sat at the back, even though I didn't know those who showed puffy eyes, holding a tissue. I myself have cried a lot while at home. It feels dry and hot in the eyes, it feels like I can't gather here. I ran to the back yard, where the deceased's class was. The class is quiet, there are no teaching and learning activities. Heading to the bench where usually a man who likes to smile helps me do my work.

I wiped the wooden table which was a little dusty, since yesterday's holiday no one had wiped the table. There are warm clear spots falling in lumps on this wooden table. I couldn't hold back the tears, even though I wasn't sobbing. It feels tight in the chest. I laid my head on the table. I hope Alvin will tell me to get up and take me home. Silence. I looked for something under the table, but found nothing except a scribbled book. This is the book, it's still the same as making the count with me. Opening page by page.

About biology notes, mathematics calculations. I opened the next sheet of physics doodles, formulas that gave me a headache. But I like it. I looked for writing like words, continuing to turn over each sheet of paper. My instincts weren't wrong, it appeared almost on the last page. It's like poetry but doesn't run.

This is how I read it,

Everything came so quickly, leaving behind sweet memories. As sweet as her face. Soft, calming. Amesha Pradana Putri... is present every second the breath is exhaled. There is always a thrill when you hear his voice. It feels like it always wants to keep you from falling again. I miss you.~Alvin

Tearing a new part makes me shed tears, I can't fold it. Memories, shadows are present. I myself don't know whether Alvin's first love didn't arrive. There is no time to meet again. Laughing together, impossible.

~*~

Every time I open a tattered sheet, it always succeeds in making me cry. Revealing memories about you, you who said you loved me are gone forever. Amesha you have to wake up, she is the past. Store it tightly and don't open it again. Just pray for him to rest in peace there. I couldn't speak anymore, just now it was like someone whispered warm, comforting words. Even though there is no one else in the room.

I spent the whole day resting, but bitter memories emerged that I didn't expect. Maybe they weren't really gone.