I am sorry...

** A LITTLE NOTE!

Do you like enjoying soundtracks or songs while reading novels or mangas? I do, honestly. A good music and a nice book, and maybe a perfect weather, is all I need to pass my time...

I would like to suggest you guys a soundtrack for this chapter, I do think this will go well with this. The soundtrack is called "When the nightmares started" from the K-drama "While you were sleeping"

Imma put the link in this paragraph.

So now the main story resumes.**

-- -- --

Opening her eyes, she found herself lying under the open sky, with a beautiful light blue color.

The sky was almost clear, with some white thick clouds like cotton candies floating above her. She was probably on a flower field because surrounding her were all those white jasmines she loved so much, the flower that symbolized her. Those pure white jasmines were arranged like a wave around her. And there was a really sweet fragrance enveloping her. White jasmines were the reason she loved her name so much, and her name was one of the reasons she loved white jasmine.

'Where am I? This place… is so beautiful… where is it?'

She got up and found she was lying on a grass bedding.

'So that's why it felt soft.'

She also found colorful tulips around her, and all those colors seemed as beautiful as a rainbow, with the little waves the field had as the wind flew on it.

She could see some kind of white dress she had on herself.

'Had I ever had this kind of dress? I wonder…'

'Is this… a dream? It's too beautiful… to be real… this peaceful silence. And I am alone here…'

Her thoughts were interrupted when she saw two squirrels climbing up a big tree in front of her. She had never seen squirrels in her life, only pictures of them in the picture book Paa used to bring home.

She ran to the big tree to see those squirrels up close when she heard the sound of water splashing a little farther. She looked ahead in the direction where the sound was coming from, in the hope to see the source of it. But her view was blocked by some large trees, standing side by side, making a huge wall of a barrier.

'Is it a forest? The sound is coming from the other side…'

'Then again, if this is a dream, am I supposed to hear sounds?'

'Should I go there? But the forest seems dark…'

'And here it is so beautiful… I don't wanna go…'

'But the splashing sound is attracting me, it has this soothing effect… I wanna see that too…'

In the end, she ended up following the sound.

She kept walking forward, crossing the flower garden, entering the forest.

'What trees are those? I can't recall this one…'

No matter how much she tried, she couldn't remember those trees. They were really long but slender looking, and all had almost the same height, making a large shade over her head. It was clearly daytime just now, but sunlight couldn't pass through those trees, thus, making her way darker and darker ahead. The sound of water was still felt at the same distance away, despite crossing quite a distance.

She kept walking forward for a really long time. Her legs were hurting at some point, but she never stopped once on her way. She was in a trance, she felt like no matter what, she had to go there, and see what was the other side of this.

She walked forward for God knows how long, but soon she saw lights ahead.

The forest was finally passed.

In front of her was a huge fountain, where crystal-like water was rolling down from the top of the rock hill, the obsidian shade on the rock reflected the sunlight so beautifully, that she felt she was looking at an entire hill made of black diamonds. And the clear water was glittery like pearls rolling down along those rock bodies. To her, it seemed like a beautiful Afro lady adorned with pearl jewelry.

'So beautiful!'

She couldn't help saying those words out loud.

She felt the coldness of water touching her feet. The coldness was soothing and comfortable, and it melted away all the fatigue she was suffering from walking for so long instantly.

She looked at her reflection on the water. And finally, she saw the dress on her perfectly. It was a white gown, designed with small white flower-like prints, each one contoured with light brown lines, making those flowers pop. The neckline of her dress was wide, up to the bridge of her shoulder, which showed a perfect amount of her neck. The borders on the neckline were designed with little pearl beads which made her neckline look extra beautiful despite the dress being simple.

And her hair was a little below the waist length, nothing like how she preferred to keep it.

White never suited her, because she was never fair enough to make any white clothing look good on her. And she never wore something else besides those monochrome hoods because these types of beautiful clothing made her feel rather exposed.

But now there is no one here, so she didn't feel the awkwardness she always felt. Rather she felt like somehow, she looked like the fountain ahead of her, glistening brightly under the sunlight.

'Ah! Dreams are indeed beautiful…'

All of a sudden, the reflection in the water changed into something else. It was of a little girl who was walking with a young lady along the streets, a hand holding onto an ice cream, and another was held by the lady. The girl was herself, and the lady was her mother. Her little hand wrapped around her mother's finger so delicately and affectionately that seeing this sight, Airi teared up. The next second, she saw herself sitting in their living room with her father, learning how to do additions and subtractions. She constantly failed to solve those and felt down by it. While her father patted her head, explaining those maths again and again. That gentle touch of the hand seemed so warm it soothed her heart, seeing those again.

But after that, the view in front of her dissolved like a ripple in the water breaking the reflection on it. And a new scene started playing on it. The view she saw evaporated all the warm feeling of her heart into thin air.

She saw herself telling her dad that she loved him on the telephone.

She saw her dad all happy listening to his daughters' sweet little words, totally oblivious about the truck approaching his car.

*CRASH*

Within a second, the entire road was filled with thick blood, as the car got crushed under the truck.

Then the reflection again changed.

She saw her 12-year-old self sitting at the bedside, with a blank look on her face. The room she was in was dark, the only light the room had was the moonlight coming through the window, and reflecting on the wall against it, creating a shadow on it. She was sitting before the wall, and for that, her shadow was created on the wall, along with another shadow of something hanging up, without any movement.

And there she was, sitting like a dead person, not moving a single bit, except for the light movement caused by her breathing. She had a yellow sticky note in her hand, which said, "Please, don't love me anymore, please. Maa's begging you, Maa's sorry…"

Airi couldn't stop the flow of tears seeing all those memories rolling in front of her, which she had buried deep inside her. She thought she got used to it by now, and that won't cause her to break apart anymore. But all of these still felt so real, she stretched out her hand to save the lady hanging from the ceiling, but when her hands touched the water, the illusion broke. She hurriedly removed her hands from the water in fear of losing sight of her parents, even in the reflection. But this time, the water reflected something else.

There were Arne's parents this time. They looked so sad and weak, even in the reflection, they were trembling badly. In front of them was a girl, in her teens, who was yelling and shouting desperately at them. The girl was Airi, herself, or more precisely, by the face, with a much younger and refreshed look, and long straight hair reaching up to her waist.

It was Airi Arne.

She couldn't make out the words at first, but after that, she could hear everything loud and clear.

"How dare you call yourselves parents, if you can't even fulfill this little wish of mine?"

"The only thing you know is to stop and nag at me for every little thing!"

"I feel ashamed to be even related to you!"

"How can you be so cowardly! How can you do that!"

"You have so much money in your goddamn drawer, can't you even give me some?"

"You old geezer!"

"Filthy woman, stay away from me. Can't you two just go die somewhere?"

All those words became louder by the passing moments, and soon they became unbearable noise to her.

She clutched her ears in a failed attempt to shut all those voices, blocking them from reaching her ears. But the sounds were not getting any less loud no matter how hard she blocked her ears.

"Stop this! STOP!"

And suddenly, all of that stopped. Only the sound of the waterfall could be heard as if there were nothing else going on, to begin with. Everything reverted to normal.

*Sob* *Sob*

She slumped against a rock beside her and sobbed lightly. Suddenly anger and disappointment surged in her so badly that she dug her nails in the hard ground until they bled.

Maybe because her fingernails hurt, or her heart, her sobbing grew louder gradually, and soon after she began wailing.

'ARRGGHHH!!!'

She shouted her lungs out, hoping to lessen the burden she was feeling in her heart. But that didn't help her even a bit.

"How could I talk to them like that!"

"How could I hurt them!"

"They were so hurt back then, how could I…"

"She loves me so much, he adores me like his princess, how could I!"

"Why didn't I love them back!"

"If I could just… love them… back…"

"If I could say… sorry…"

"I'm sorry… sorry…"

Slowly, she lost consciousness while saying 'sorry' repeatedly.