Starting Again

"Why are you so unhappy, Pearl? You've got a nice house. A good life. Nothing is ever good enough for you." Her husband Paul yelled and he grabbed his suitcase and headed toward the door.

"Please don't go, Paul! Please. I know what you're up to. You're going to see HER!" Pearl cried. She wasn't stupid, she was desperate and lost.

"You don't know me at all. You always make me out to be the bad guy when you're a mess and can't even manage your own emotions. You're the problem. And you need to fix it. It's not always so dramatic, Pearl. You really need to get ahold of yourself." Paul said as he slammed the door behind him.

Pearl fell to the floor in her foyer. She sobbed like a child for what felt like forever. Once she pulled herself together, she looked around. She had worked so hard to decorate her house and make it look like a home. As she scanned the room through her tears, she realized it all meant nothing. They were only things, meaninglessness things. All for show. All lacking of substance. She laughed to herself as she looked at the white, fluffy pillows and soft chenille blanket thrown perfectly over the cornflower blue couch that was chosen for it's positive reviews and because the color matched the walls almost identically. None of those things could make her husband love her.

She had known for awhile Paul was cheating. He was a liar and a gaslighter. Her therapy that she had been taking behind his back opened her eyes to so much of what was going on. For years, she had been told she was the problem. And for years, she believed it.

It wasn't always like this. When they first met, he was charming and made her feel like a princess. Surprise dates, flowers. She met Paul when she was very young, still in college. She was naive and idealistic at the time. He was an athlete and popular. A year older than she was and always had tons of friends and girls around. She was more of a wallflower, avid reader, wrote poetry. She only had a few friends. John Young and his girlfriend Janie were two of them. John and Pearl were in a garage band together. She liked to write songs and even though she was shy, she loved to sing. It was her way of breaking out of her shell, a little.

Meeting Paul was a huge help to her self esteem. This popular guy liked her. It was like a fairytale. He proposed to her in his car one night, after they went to see a movie. It was simple but special. She said yes without hesitation. If she had only known what that answer would bring into her life.

A decade of misery and emotional abuse.

She picked herself up off the floor and looked at the door. She knew it was time. She had been building up to this day for almost a year. She had been saving money and had applied for an apartment closer to the city and her job. She was going to do it this time. She was going to leave him.