Chapter 12

Declan wasn't there to meet me the next morning, I tried – without success – to coax him out of his room. Adopting the same calming voice he usually uses on me. After about five minutes I gave up though, not wanting to be late for breakfast.

On the outside it must have looked like I was happy to be alone again, but on the inside I was rather disappointed. I'd become used to Declan being around and I couldn't take the unrelenting sadness welling up in my chest knowing I'd dismissed him so abruptly the previous night.

On my way to the dining hall I saw Lexi slip into the bathroom and I eyed my guardians sheepishly before I too headed inside. The only good thing about not having female guardians was that we couldn't be accompanied into the bathroom, so both our guardians waited outside at the door.

I hadn't spoken to Lexi in over a week and my Lexi withdrawal was at an all-time high. I sent a heartfelt thank you up into the air, excited that the universe was no longer working against us.

I stood at the bathroom sink, waiting for Lexi to finish in one of the many stalls, grateful that they were all empty.

"No entourage today?"

Lexi questioned just before she opened her stall door. I ran over to her and embraced her in a fierce hug. She returned the embrace and we giggled as we let each other go.

"You know I'm surprised we hadn't thought about this earlier."

She mused, danger in her eyes as she smiled at me wickedly.

"I've been a little busy."

I replied rolling my eyes at the thought that I literally had no spare second to myself these days. Lexi didn't seem perplexed at this, but she was slightly confused as she looked around the bathroom. I wasn't sure what she had thought she was going to find, but I could hazard a guess when she finally spoke.

"Where's Declan today? And what in God's name happened with Micah? Poor guy seems miserable lately. I've been trying to get James to tell me, but he's been really tight lipped about the entire situation."

"Wait, you've been hanging out with James, how?

I interrupted and she gave me a dazzling smile and I knew she was proud at whatever she was about to say. I didn't purposefully dismiss her questions, but whatever she and James had going on was a lot more important to me that trivial matters of the heart.

"James and I have been meeting in the library under the pretense that we're doing a project together"

I had to agree, it was a smart play. It kinda showed that their guardians were all muscle and no brains. That's why my guardians were so lax with me. They knew if they gave me some slack I was less likely to do anything I'm not supposed to, it was a pretty smart play on their part if I was being honest.

I was suddenly thinking about telling her everything, but according to Declan, James didn't know anything and Uncle Adrian wanted to be the one to break the news to James himself.

I respected that boundary and stopped myself just as I was about to cave, so I decided to tell Lexi as much of the truth as I possibly could without actually spilling any secrets.

"I feel like I'm alienating everyone in my life. Like some invisible force is in control of my decisions and I don't have a say. Micah is miserable, because he's jealous and he isn't giving me even a second of his time to try and explain the situation. Declan has been hired by my father to be my private instructor so that what happened in Atlantic City wouldn't happen again and that I'd be prepared. He's also got some unconventional ways of strengthening my mind along with my body."

I told Lexi the half-truth, embezzled with only a hint of a lie because I knew her too well. And if there was one thing that she was unable to do, it was keep a secret. The only one she's ever been able to keep was my involvement with Micah and that in itself was no minor miracle.

I was using that to my advantage, knowing that Lexi would tell her moroi friends the real reason why Declan was here and it would eventually get to Micah as well. I was using her for my own gain, but I figured I'd gotten into more than enough trouble because of her that she can do this little favor for me.

Lexi seemed to catch on to what I was doing and she nodded in agreement. She didn't seem at all phased by the fact that I actively wanted her to spread the Declan story. While it was bathed in a lie, it was still more the truth than anything else I was allowed to tell her and I knew that she knew it wasn't the whole truth but she also knew that I'd tell her everything eventually so she didn't push. That was something about Lexi that I admired a whole lot, she wouldn't ever press anyone for answers, she feels like she'd get more information the less she pushes and she was right about that ninety percent of the time.

We exited the bathroom together and got glares from the four guardians waiting for us outside. I gave Ilya and Andrei both a cheeky smile and they actually grinned back, acting like they'd seen nothing out of the ordinary. Lexi looked between me and the guards in astonishment and I pursed my lips as not to chuckle at the chastising looks Lexi was getting from her guardians.

Next time I meet Lexi, I would be sure to give her some tips on getting her guardians to relax a little, heaven knows their wound way too tight and honestly they will regret it. At that moment I just didn't realize how soon that regret would be coming.

I had a strong sense of déjà vu as the school day went by in a blur, much like it had been the first day I was back after being in the hospital. I hadn't really noticed how much joy and laughter Declan had been bringing to my life in the past week until I was sitting at lunch and was suddenly overcome by a wave of longing and loneliness.

I was really hoping for some company while I pushed the food on my tray around with my fork, not at all interested in actually eating it.

"Something wrong Lils?"

I nearly jumped out of my seat in shock, and stared up at Andrei trying to convey my near heart attack to him through my eyes. He chuckled that deep chesty chuckle of his as he took a seat opposite me.

"I don't want to pry, but you seem miserable again today. Much like you used to be before Guardian Ivashkov showed up."

He added and I nearly sighed at his name. Andrei seemed to be very interested in the emotions my face was conveying although I tried the normal guardian mask, I could feel it was slipping and I knew the loneliness was obviously evident on my face. He gave me a small smile, most likely trying to silently tell me that he understood.

I couldn't believe that he possibly could though, he was probably more like my father growing up than even I was. Always obedient and never breaking any rules. Andrei seemed deep in thought for a couple of minutes and I was growing increasingly uncomfortable. He seemed to want to tell me something he more than likely shouldn't and the he smiled brighter than I'd ever seen him smile and it took me by surprise.

"I was more like you than I ever cared to admit."

With this revelation he got up and took his place beside Ilya at the farthest wall. Well it seems the surprises keep coming that little voice in the back of my mind said as a grin played at my lips.

After lunch things seemed to get progressively better. I had moroi and damphirs alike, come up to me asking if Declan really was my instructor. Some girls had asked me if I could introduce them to Declan and some novices asked if Declan would allow them to sit in on one of our private training sessions.

To the girls my only response was that Declan was here doing a job and that mindless mingling wasn't part of that job description. That answer was mostly because I was selfish and I didn't particularly want to share the attention Declan was giving me, also because I knew he couldn't actually get involved with anyone without letting the truth slip about why he's actually here. One of the girls actually walked away saying that it was unfair that I was purposefully keeping him to myself and in a sense that was the truth, but it wasn't for the reasons they might think.

I didn't respond though, knowing that it would be yet another rumor I'd have to squash later on. The less I said in that moment the less likely my words could be used against me.

The novices, my comrades, were a different story all together. No matter how hot and sweaty Declan and I got during our training sessions, they would only see it as training. Even if Declan and I were to kiss in front of them, they'd merely see it as a distraction tactic, weird how that worked though it was true.

To them I promised that I'd run it by Declan and if he said no I would get Guardian Castile or my grandmother to ask him to actually teach a full class. They perked up at this news and before they left I told them I'd be I touch with the answer as soon as I had one to give. I was glad I had at least made some novices' day, despite having a really crappy one myself.

I noticed Micah watching the exchange from a little ways away – I perked up almost instantly – and when he saw I had spotted him, he motioned me over. I sighed a breath of relief, but I was still so tense – not knowing why he wanted to suddenly speak to me. I couldn't just assume it was because of the rumor I had spread.

"Don't look at me like that Lils."

Micah commanded as soon as I was standing in front of him. I resisted the urge to smile at the fact that batting my eyelashes at him made him shift uncomfortably. He was leaning casually against a pillar in his guardian issued thermals and combat boots.

I took in the vision that was Micah Tanner, with a sadness I hadn't even been aware of until that specific moment.

"Or like that"

He added, though he was smiling at me with his eyes.

I didn't have a chance to respond before he spoke again.

"So I've heard some things today that made me re-evaluate how I'd been acting this week. I'm willing to listen Lily, meet me in my room just before curfew and we can talk. Have Andrei…"

Micah faltered and I widened my eyes in surprise, before he sighed and continued.

"Have Guardian Galkin accompany you, I trust him."

His eyes darted to where my wardens were standing for a fraction of a second and as I turned to look at them, Andrei gave me a barely noticeable nod – almost like he knew exactly what we were talking about.

I turned back towards Micah, but he was already gone. Instead of being sad that he didn't bother to say goodbye, I was relieved that my plan had actually worked and I was really looking forward to something that wasn't training for the first time that week.