Paying his respects to the past (2) - Maritsu and Gabriel POV

Now that they had decided where to go, they knew what to do next.

They would once again return to basics and hope that there they would find a light which would illuminate the way ahead for them. So that they would know which road they should traverse next.

Returning to a place where Gabriel hadn't dared to return all these years would be hard. The last time Gabriel had been to that place was when the ceremony of his fallen brothers had taken place.

The decision to go to the Night Hawk's compound overwhelmed Gabriel. Just the idea of once again standing in front of the ultimate resting place of his brothers was almost too much for him, and he experienced a very diverse array of emotions.

He was ecstatic to return to a place where he hadn't been for years and had called home for so long. It brought about all the nostalgic feelings he didn't dare to remember over these years, because he knew if he remembered him, the guilt and sadness may eat him alive.

Remembering it now made tears form in his eyes.

The sadness that was brought by the death of his comrades never went away. It was ever present; he had learned to cope and accept the fact that, the gaping hole he had inside of chest, would never heal.

Returning to that place, a place where he had spent almost his entire youth with them, brought the sadness which had been suppressed all these years to the front with a vengeance.

However, no matter how sad Gabriel was, it was time for him to return.

Finally, he could stand in front of the wall which honored his brothers and stand in front of them proudly. He could tell them, that their death shouldn't have ever happened, and he wished with all his being he could have prevented it, but that their death wasn't for nothing.

He wanted to tell them, that while losing them was the hardest thing he had ever experienced, their death wasn't for naught. Their death had meaning.

Their death had changed his future, and the future of many others, because they died others would not have to. Simply, because their death changed the entire armed forces and made it almost unrecognizable from what it once was.

Their death hadn't been meaningless it had led him to meet Maritsu, and they together build a supervisory organization, a safe haven for any enlisted soldier.

So while their death was tragic and undeserved, their death changed the future of many. The armed forces once again became more transparent; Because of their death it wasn't a power grab anymore, it reverted to their original goal and aspiration.

The armed forces once again became about serving the motherland and protecting its civilian population.

This had only been made possible by their passing, without their passing he might not have ever embarked on this path, so he hoped god or the underworld gave them the karma and merit they had deserved, because without their sacrifice, without his promise to them, he might not have been able to walk this long and hard road, especially not as long as it needed to be traversed.

His promise to them, the oath he had made to them, had been his driving force all these years to keep going and keep moving forward. Without, that oath, he might have given up long ago…. The road was just too hard and the dangers just too real.

Therefore, he was happy when meeting Maritsu, and he often thought his comrades brought Maritsu to his side, so he no longer had to travel alone.

When they had made their plan, they both asked for leave. When the leave finally was approved, they decided to take the car and drive to the Night Hawk's compound.

The idea alone of the journey to the Night Hawk's compound made Gabriel overrun with emotions. So when it finally came to the day when they would make the journey, Gabriel had a hard time keeping his cool.

So, Maritsu would drive them, to their destination, the Night Hawk's compound.

Since Maritsu was driving, Gabriel could take the time to sort out his thoughts and get lost in his memories.

Knowing the drive would take a few hours, Gabriel could take his time to prepare, returning to a place he hadn't been to for ages.

Getting lost in his memories, he was able to remember all his training days and nights with the Night Hawk's team and all the missions they did together. He took his time to remember all of it, the good, the bad and the awful.

After all, while they became a family this family was a squad of trained special ops soldiers, they had great times, but they had also suffered losses and heavy injuries before. It wasn't just all rainbows and sunshine.

While Gabriel was getting lost in his memories; Maritsu who was driving made sure to never look beside him.

Maritsu knew this was an emotional moment for Gabriel, and he wanted to give him all the space he needed, Gabriel knew that if he needed him, he would be there for him, without a second thought.

Until Gabriel made clear he needed support, he would just give him space. Therefore, he just focused on the road ahead. If Maritsu had looked over, at the passenger seat, he would have seen Gabriel with silent tears streaming down his face. A look that would have shocked him, because he didn't know Gabriel as a man who showed his emotions easily.

This simply showed how much of an impact this journey had on Gabriel.

When they almost reached their destination and just had a half hour drive left, Gabriel noticed his surroundings and recognized where they were.

This look finally snapped Gabriel out of his nostalgia, and he started to gather his courage. After all, while, he might have fulfilled his promise, he still felt guilty for not having visited them, before. Would they blame him?

He had told Maritsu stories about his comrades, but he still never visited their resting place.

Nobody would know he wanted to visit, but he simply had felt unworthy to face them, he had seen and watched them die, and he had been unable to do anything and the court-system in which he trusted had let them and him down.

At the moment of their lives and death, he hadn't used his sniper riffle to shoot the general's son, because in his eyes it was not up to him to decide his fate, but up to the court system. If he had used his rifle, everything might have been different, and they may still be alive. He felt unimaginable guilt for their passing, and the court system in which he had trusted hadn't given them the justice they deserved.

For years after their death, and even to this day, he had been plagued by nightmares. In these nightmares he was always transported back to that very moment, and even as he knew he was dreaming, he doubted if he should pull the trigger to save his comrades.

The fact was however that even when he knew the ending, he wasn't able to. The fact that it was a dream didn't change this fact. He believed in justice and the law, and the realization that he couldn't hurt a fellow soldier while that soldier had hurt his brother's life ate him alive.

This was also the emotion which made him feel unworthy to face his brother's he struggled with his choices. It made him feel hypocritical; he had taken lives before, so why was this so different. Just because he wore the same uniform and had taken the same oath? Those things made him unable to save them, the uniform and the same oath he wore at that moment was like a shackle on him, and he felt ashamed for his actions and choices.

Therefore, he could only face them when he had made amends. The form of amends was to fulfill the promise he made so many years ago, but it wasn't a promise they asked for, so even when having fulfilled the promise he struggled with guilt, doubt and shame; but having fulfilled the promise he hoped that his brothers would be proud of him….. But he never knew for sure if they would be…..

All he knew was it was time. Time for him to face them, face his choices, and face his shame. They deserved an explanation and finally having fulfilled the one side's promise he was ready to give them that.