Glass Fish Bowl
"See what I mean?" Doctor Bothy nodded, thumbing his bulbous nose.
Commodore Brigg frowned at the doctor, then turned to the professor and asked, "What has he done this time?"
With a deep sigh, Professor Hap groaned, "I found him in my cabin again, going through my things. He claimed to be trying to return my combination slide-rule-and-nose-hair-clippers, but he very nearly ruined a delicate experiment."
"I will say something sharp to him," the commodore said as he turned back to his skygazing.
"If you can get a word in edgewise," the doctor mumbled.
"You can talk until your beard grows to your belt, words will not dissuade a bored kender," the professor warned. "Of all the punishments devised by man, elf, dwarf, or ogre," he added, "few rival the sentence of being shut up in an enclosed space-for example, a deepswimmer submersible-with a bored kender."
"What do you suggest I do, my dear gentlegnomes?" Commodore Brigg turned and said. "There isn't another port until we come to Kalaman."
"Send a party ashore to explore and collect fresh water from yonder stream," Doctor Bothy suggested. "Give the others a day of relaxation. This is a fine place, the water is warm and still. They can swim, wash their linens and uniforms in the stream, and there are some wrecks. Perhaps they can explore those."
"I begrudge even a day's delay, for we are already behind schedule," Commodore Brigg answered. "Besides, this is the worst possible place for swimming and exploring. Probably you haven't noticed, but these waters are filled with sharks. We can't approach yonder shore in this ship because of the reefs, and we don't have a dinghy or other vessel to go ashore in." Placing his arms round their shoulders, the commodore drew his two companions closer. "I have already taken all these matters into consideration," he whispered. "Trust my sage experience."
"My apologies," the professor said, bowing.
"S-sir…" Doctor Bothy stammered.
"Ahem, I appreciate your concern, but leave the sailing to the members of the Maritime Sciences Guild. The crew will have to grit their teeth and struggle onward. This is no place for a shore leave," the commodore finished.
"Indeed, I bow to your wisdom," Professor Hap offered in a docile tone, before raising one eyebrow and adding provocatively, "but after working all night, I have invented an option that is bound to intrigue even you, my captain."
"Commodore," Brigg corrected with a grunt, looking intrigued.
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"I have been dying to try these underwater uniforms out," Professor Hap-Troggensbottle whispered to Doctor Bothy as they stood in the conning tower the next morning. The sun mounted the sky beyond the eastern hills from which the white stream flowed and tumbled. "I perfected them only last night, but I have been working on them, in secrecy, for several days."
The doctor nodded and leaned over the rail to observe the activities on the aft deck. The commodore had called an assembly of all hands, and now the deck was crowded with every member of the crew, not counting the doctor and the professor, who observed from above. Fifteen gnomes-most wearing the red jumpsuits of the Maritime Sciences Guild-and one green-vested kender jostled elbows and tried to arrange themselves into a line under the directions of Commodore Brigg, who strode the deck dressed in a tight-fitting suit of grim black with gold braids at the sleeves. He pointed and directed with a white cane carved from a whale's tooth, and his tall crested black hat with its red plume nodded as though in emphasis of each shouted command.
The twentieth member of the crew stood apart from the others, but not by choice. The original color of his uniform was indiscernible under the coating of black grease that seemed to cover every inch of his diminutive body, even his shaggy unkept beard and long pointed nose. He was shorter than any of the other gnomes-even shorter than Conundrum, who stood closest to him and held his nose. The whites of his eyes blinked out of the greasy black of his face as he stared about him in awe or squinted at the rising sun. He was surrounded on all sides by at least five feet of empty deck, for he smelled abominably. Not even the wholesome odor of axle grease and gear oil could quite cover up the stench of gully dwarf.
"Who is that one?" the professor asked of the gully dwarf. "I haven't seen him before. Where has he been hiding?"
"Ensign Gob," Doctor Bothy answered. "He keeps the ship's gears properly oiled and greased. He is so small he fits nicely into the deepest workings of the ship. His bunk is in the bilge, and he's not allowed into the inhabited parts of the ship, usually. That's why you haven't seen him."
Finally, the crew was lined up to the commodore's satisfaction. He thumped his cane on the deck to get everyone's attention, then strode over and hopped atop a large, leather chest that had been brought on deck. Beside it lay a wooden case not unlike the kind used to store weapons for long sea voyages, and beside this an ordinary water barrel filled with ballast stones. All eyes turned to the commodore.
"I have called all of you on deck because I have decided to allow Professor Hap-Troggensbottle to conduct an experiment," Commodore Brigg announced. At these words, an excited whisper rolled down the line of crew members.
"As you can see, getting ashore is no easy matter. We have no side boat, nor can we risk taking the ship through those reefs. We might swim, but it is a long way to shore, and these waters are infested with sharks." Suddenly, all those eager smiles became thin with concern, and no one, except Razmous, would meet the commodore's gaze.
"Professor Hap-Troggensbottle has come up with a solution that should prove… interesting. Professor, if you wouldn't mind explaining?" the commodore prompted.
The professor nodded and climbed down from the conning tower. He approached the leather chest and threw back its lid. Despite their reservations, what with the talk of reefs and sharks and all, the gnomes leaned a little forward to better see what surprises were inside. Razmous, breaking with all naval discipline, stepped completely out of line and stood on his toes.
The professor removed from the opened chest several items and laid them out carefully on the deck. "Gather round," he said. "Everyone take a look."
First there was a large round glass fish bowl, but it didn't look like it would hold water as it had a long tube projecting from the bottom. Next came a tiny jumpsuit of some glossy black material. It looked far too small even for a gnome. After this, the professor removed a sort of backpack that contained a large, silvery fish's bladder. Last of all, grunting with exertion, he pulled out a pair of very large shoes, which thumped noisily as he dropped them to the deck.
During all this, he was assaulted by a barrage of questions. The shoes, the fish bowl, and tiny black jumpsuit excited everyone, but the hose sticking out of the top of the fish bowl drew the most attention, its purpose obscure to even the most imaginative theorists. Meanwhile, Razmous discovered that the chest contained several more identical objects.
As the hubbub died down and everyone returned his attention to the professor, he gathered up his unusual items. "I will explain the function of each in turn," he said. "If I might have a volunteer."
Razmous eagerly stepped forward, but the professor instead turned to Conundrum. "You are the smallest-er, the youngest," he said. "Might I trouble you?"
"Please," Conundrum acquiesced.
"First the suit," the professor said, handing Conundrum the tiny black jumpsuit.
Conundrum dubiously eyed the outfit as he took it from the professor. It appeared barely large enough for a small gnomish child. However, the material proved most unusual, springy and elastic to the touch, like the belly of a frog. Conundrum stripped out of his leather apron and white under-robe, then with the professor's assistance and guidance he stepped into the black suit, pulling it up from the legs, then over his back and shoulders, and working his arms into the sleeves. Amazingly, it fit, the material stretching to almost double its previous size to accommodate his gnomish physique, until only his hands and his bearded head were left uncovered. He looked like he had been dipped in dark chocolate and set out to harden into candy.
"This material will keep the body quite warm," the professor explained. "Though snug, it allows for full range of movement." Snug it was indeed, embarrassingly so. Conundrum was only glad there weren't any female gnomes aboard. Even so, Razmous could not stop giggling at his bulgy protuberances. Conundrum's face turned quite red, almost as red as his beard.
Next, Conundrum donned the backpack, which the professor called a bladderpack, and the professor set the fish bowl over his head. The hose stood straight up out of the top of the glass, falling down over his shoulder. Professor Hap took the hose and connected it to the fish bladder in the bladderpack. The bottom of the fish bowl was then sealed to the black jumpsuit with a ring of similar black material. A buckle allowed it to be tightened until no air could escape around his neck.