That something in the way was me
"Oh god.... No...." Is all I repeated when the Baltimore City police called me about Saki, they had found her dead in a subway station bathroom, then they told me about the baby she was carrying.. somebody beat her up, and they hit her stomach. The baby never stood a chance. Then I screamed. I begged them to tell me that the whole thing was a prank call, and that I was just dreaming. Then the officer told me to come down to Baltimore to have a look for myself.
A few days later I drove to exact precinct that the officer was calling from. I took a deep breath, and I walked into the building, and a Lab technician told me to follow her into the morgue, and I could see the body of my lifeless lover.
I followed her down into a basement, to a room labeled Morgue, and she told me to look for a body with the tag 177103. And I nodded. And I went to say my final respects. I hunted around the Morgue for around 15 minutes before another person offered to help me. A 23 year old guy named Eddie, who knew me from when Smilodon played at Fort Jackson. A Military Base in Georgia. He brought me to the area where the 17710s were.
"Her name was Saki Yoshida, wasn't it?" The guy asked. And I nodded. "Yessir."
The guy smiled. "If I ever have kids. To honor her, because she was an amazing fucking singer, I'll name my daughter after her."
I shook my head, trying to remember where me and the band stayed when we played Fort Jackson. Then I remembered the town's name. Savannah.
"No, sir... Name your daughter Savannah, that's where I found out about the abortion.."
The guy nodded. And he told me that after I said goodbye, to meet him outside the building.
I found the slab where Saki was, and when I saw her, lying lifeless... beaten, bloodied, and her belly covered in bruises. It broke my heart..
"I'm sorry, I am so sorry..." Is all I said before I started sobbing, I cried over the lifeless corpse of my lover. I hugged her. And I was determined to hold onto her until I died. But the female lab tech had to practically pry me away from Saki. Which I kicked, and bit, and screamed. Then I stopped, and I felt any innocence fade away. I was as dead as Saki's lifeless corpse. I walked out, and Eddie was there. He had a backpack, and he had a guitar case.
"She left you some stuff, I think you should check out her notebook, she had a lot of songs scrawled inside." Eddie said as he flipped to a page titled Tied my hands
I can remember when
When we used to live
Never in distress
Or can you picture then
Only used to pride
Ourselves on neatness?
you can't understand
What you meant to me
He made me wild
Then you tied my hands
You tied my hands
I remember when
When we used to laugh
At those mistakes we made
Can you picture then
How we used to drive
And never reach the end?
'Cos you won't understand
What you meant to me
He made me wild
Then you tied my hands
You tied my hands
Since you went away
Made me find
I have nothing to say
Since I went away
Made you find
you had nothing to say
'Cos you won't understand
What you meant to me
He made me wild
Then you tied my hands
'Cos you won't understand
What you meant to me
He made me wild
Then you tied my hands
You tied my hands
You tied my hands
You tied my hands
You tied my hands
You tied my hands
You tied my hands
I looked at Eddie, and I hugged him. And he handed me the guitar case. "We found this in the locker room, I assume that this is Saki's."
I opened the guitar case, and there was Saki's guitar: Dahlia, a Schecter PT Fastback.
I smiled at Eddie, and I told him to have a good day. And I drove back to Aberdeen.
*2 years later*
I was roaming the streets, looking for my old apartment, I knew that I had moved across the street from Kurt Cobain's childhood home, so I decided to leave the guitar at the doorstep at me and Saki's old Apartment, somehow, the place still had rent being paid, and I checked back to see if any fans had left any fan mail, which most of what I got after the funeral was the usual "my condolences" or "I'm Sorry for your loss" letter.
I put the note book at the doorstep and I did the same with the guitar, and I walked away. Then I heard a male voice call out from behind me.
"Sir... You left this here, is this stuff up for grabs?" The guy asked.
I looked at the guy. He was a 22 year old man, with really long hair. He was rather lanky, and he sounded like he was British. "Because my guitar broke during a recording session... I've been trying to write a new album, but, none of my songs are any good, Maybe 69 Tea. Because I wrote it from life experience."
I smiled. "The guitar was Saki's. And she was rather protective of that thing, carrying it where ever she went." I said as I looked at the guy.
"Wait, You're Athen Grace. I hear about your band, Smilodon wasn't it? I had your first two albums: Abort the liars and Skin the Tiger. You guys played with the likes of Nirvana. I always thought that your girlfriend was fucking aggressive."
I had to smile at that.
"Kid, she had many sides.. a best friend, a girlfriend, a shoulder to cry on. And we had a collab with Nirvana. We covered Something in the way. For our first music video, he also got us into Disney World, got Discovery Island just for the filming of the Tropical trip sequence."
The guy laughed. "Sir, I am honored to meet someone who has met Kurt Cobain, and has actually played his songs. I have the Nevermind album memorized, I've got Something In the way memorized, hell, I can sing it in African if you'd like.. sorry, where are my manners, I'm Shaun."
I smiled. "I'll let you have the guitar, but I want to hear how you play the song, please follow me." I said as I led Shaun into the Apartment, and I turned on the lights, and I found my old amp.
"Let's see what you can do." I said as I plugged in the guitar. But Shaun was looking at a guitar case propped up against a counter. Then I remembered Vine. Saki's Acoustic guitar was in that case.
"You can play that if you'd like." I said as I went to a tape deck, and I found the unreleased Smilodon albums. the final albums Metamorphosis and Emergence, and I put on a song that I made about a job I had when Saki was getting into drugs. It was called the secrets that we hide.
I handed Shaun the tapes, and I handed him a CD: 177103. My solo album.
"Thanks dude, why are you giving me these?"
I smiled. "Use those songs, make them your own. Modify them. Don't fall into the same trap Kurt and Saki fell into. Live your life."
Shaun grinned. "Okay, now, I shall play the song."
"Underneath the bridge
Tarp has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
Have all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from my ceiling
It's okay to eat fish
Cause they don't have any feelings
Something in the way
Mmm-mmm
Something in the way, yeah
Mmm-mmm
Something in the way
Mmm-mmm
Something in the way, yeah
Mmm-mmm
Something in the way
Mmm-mmm
Something in the way, yeah
Mmm-mmm
Underneath the bridge
Tarp has sprung a leak
And the animals I've trapped
Have all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass
And the drippings from the ceiling
It's okay to eat fish
Cause they don't have any feelings
Something in the way
Mmm-mmm
Something in the way, yeah
Mmm-mmm
Something in the way
Mmm-mmm
Something in the way, yeah
Mmm-mmm
Something in the way
Mmm-mmm
Something in the way, yeah
Mmm-mmm
Something in the way
Mmm-mmm
Something in the way, yeah
Mmm-mmm"
After Shaun was done, I handed him the notebook, and he thanked me. "So, I have another song... it's called Fine Again. Do you wanna hear it?"
I nodded... "Take it away my good man"
Shaun started playing, then he sang.
"It seems like every day's the same
And I'm left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
And there's no color to behold
They say it's over
And I'm fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober
Feels like I'm dying here
And I am aware now
Of how everything's gonna be fine
One day, too late, I'm in Hell
I am prepared now
Seems everyone's gonna be fine
One day, too late, just as well
I feel a dream in me expire
And there's no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
'Cause I can't seem to get this through
You say it's over
I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober
When I'm dyin' here?
And I am aware now
Of how everything's gonna be fine
One day, too late, I'm in Hell
I am prepared now
Seems everyone's gonna be fine
One day, too late, just as well
And I'm not scared now
I must assure you
You're never gonna get away
And I'm not scared now
And I'm not scared now, no
I am aware now
Of how everything's gonna be fine
One day, too late, I'm in hell
I am prepared now
Seems everyone's gonna be fine
One day, too late, just as well
I am prepared now
Seems everything's gonna be fine
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself
I am prepared now for myself
I am prepared now and I am fine again"
"Damn bro, that is some good playing there... Saki would've loved that song... But... Can you do me a favor?"
Shaun looked at me."Yeah man? What can I do for you?'
"Tell my wife, Sayori that i love her..." I said as I led Shaun to the door, and I told him to take care of himself.
"What do you mean Athen? You're not skipping town are you?" He asked, looking concerned.
"No" And I shut the door, locked it, bolted it shut, and I turned on a song I found identified with Saki. Drive by Incubus.
Sometimes
I feel the fear of
Uncertainty stinging clear
And I, can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before and seems to have a vague
Haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there, I'll be there
So, if I
Decide to waiver my
Chance to be one of
The hive
Will I choose water over wine
And hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before and it seems to be the way
That everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that when
I drive myself my light is found
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there I'll be there
Would you choose water over wine?
Hold the wheel and drive
Whatever tomorrow brings I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings
I'll be there I'll be there
I looked around my apartment, and I went into my room, and I injected myself with Heroin. And I pulled out the gun that I used to kill her parents, A Mateba Automatic Revolver. I sat down on the bed, and I put the barrel to my chest.
"Goodbye Saki, Goodbye Ashley, See you in Heaven Kurt..." I said as I sat the skeletal remains of the aborted fetus that Saki carried, down onto the bed.
"I'll see you guys on the other side."
Then I pulled the trigger..
(Thank you all for reading, this was fun to write, I hope ya'll enjoy this ride as much as I had writing this. Thank you for reading this)